My dearest kiddos,
This weekend served as another reminder of so many reasons why I love being your mom. I cherish you both to a degree I can’t explain–the sweetness and joy you infuse into the daily are among God’s greatest gifts to me. I wish I could more tangibly tell you, and I pray that one day you’ll know this kind of love in your own hearts. To pour yourself out for your own children might be the only way, and so, if God wills it, I pray for your families and the love that God will lavish on you through them.
Henry, you bless your mama with your gentle attentiveness, your sensitive spirit, and a level of awareness and intellect that both frighten me and leave me awestruck on a daily basis. Yesterday morning, as you cuddled into my lap for the butterfly ballet, my heart expanded even more for you (if that’s possible), my dear. These days you are a whirlwind of energy–full of vigor and vibrance and a zest for exploration that is both catching and hard to match. But in that sacred hour, where we sat whispering together over frogs and skunks and fish and butterflies all dancing, you were so still and small and dependent on me…and every last bit was a memory I will keep close for ages. You were captivated, love. And captivated looks marvelous on you! I felt like I was able to let everything else fall away in that space. You and your delight were my only focus. Just Mama and Henry time, although we hadn’t planned it that way. It was perfect timing for my spirit, in a season where I so often feel distracted and divided in too many directions. Tonight, I am thanking God for your inquisitive mind, for your attention to detail and emotion, for your delight in simple beauty. And I’m thanking God for that slice of time with you…so dear to me as we turn the corner on your third birthday and the reminder that you are only moving forward, never back. I love you, HD.
Eloise, you are blossoming and sweet, and fiercely independent for seven months old. Despite your independent spirit, you and I have an unshakable connectedness between us from every angle. Your life and personality and perfect needs have held us closely together, save for a few hours here and there, since the day you were born. I will dare to say that the challenges we’ve faced together have made me love you even more. There’s a sacred element to the sacrifices I’ve been called to as your mama, and in part, I am reminded daily that God has ordained me for this life because of them–not in spite of them at all. Together with your brother, you are challenging me to live a life worthy of my calling, and I am beyond grateful for this.
Today, you learned what a bunny says. Now you scrunch up your tiny nose and sniff in the cutest little way and I melt. I am smitten with you. And tonight, as I rocked you and nursed you to sleep, you sang a little hum while drifting off–this beautiful little song all your own and your beautiful little face falling peacefully away from the contents of the day as we sat there in the dark. Me, admiring you. You are a light in this world, sweet girl. You and your brother, both. As I pray over you, I can’t help but consider the weight of this life and what you may face in it, and I want to shelter you from it even now…especially now. So instead, I commit to praying harder for you both. The Lord our God will hear me, and He will answer in His way. This brings me great comfort. I still can hardly believe sometimes that He has entrusted you both to me.
There are many days that feel hard for one reason or another, but in them and around them and between them lies this truth, that we are blessed in abundance. And you are both loved beyond description. No matter what the days bring, or how hard or tired or jaded we become in moments. No matter how much or how little I blog to remind you. Your mama loves you a crazy ton. An amazingly glorious, crazy ton. I pray that I will do what it takes to make sure you always know that deep in your hearts.
Thank you for a treasured weekend, my loves. You are more than my highest hopes.
to the moon and back,