I have a terrible habit of staying busy late, late, late into the night. I’ve done so often enough that when midnight rolls around on the clock my thought is, “Oh, good. Another hour or so before I have to wrap things up.” I’m constantly doing just one more thing before turning in. And it’s catching up with me.
I’ve been a night owl for as long as I can remember, but under normal circumstances, I genuinely like the morning, too. There were whole seasons where I’d be up at 5 or 5:30, reading, praying, journaling–getting an amazing jump start on the day. I loved being up before the world got going, loved the peaceful quiet of the early hours. And I suppose that’s partly why the late nights I’ve been keeping are pleasing at this stage of the game. With nothing left for Henry to need, I fall into a pace of my own; everything is once again quiet, and I dictate my own schedule for a little while. Unfortunately, this pace and routine aren’t affording me maximum benefit in my days.
Instead of being perky and ready to face whatever comes at me in the morning, I’m rather sleepy-eyed and quiet and unengaged. I don’t like how this translates when Henry wakes up earlier than usual, ready to play. Offering my best, especially to my family and close friends, is important to me–and I am admittedly not at my best as the sun comes up lately.
Maybe I sound like I’m being a little hard on myself, or maybe not. I know that being mom to a baby is tiring work, and that nights feel shorter and days feel a little longer than they perhaps used to. Still, I really just want to feel better about facing the day than I can after 4 or 5 hours of sleep. Goodness knows that’s not enough!
So here’s the plan. I’m still going to make the effort to pack in a few things each night that are a priority. Still going to blog because it keeps my writing self going. Still going to veg on the couch for a little while sometimes. But I’m going to make it my personal goal not to greet the forthcoming day before I head to bed. In other words, I don’t want to see the clock when it strikes midnight–and certainly not 1 or 2 a.m. There will be plenty of morning to greet me on the other side.
If part of life is striking a balance and acknowledging strengths and weaknesses in an effort to achieve even greater balance, order, peace, or quality of life, then this is a step in the right direction. That is, if I possess the discipline to begin it and see it through.
I’ll start with tonight…I’m feeling a bit under the weather and overtired from a few very short nights of sleep. It’s 9:55p, and I’m signing off for the day as I end this post. Lights out and asleep by 10:30p, I think. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll be more delighted to greet the morning when it gets here.
taking my nights back, thank you very much 😉