The house is quiet. The rain keeps coming, moving me this afternoon to a cozy spot on the couch…computer on my lap, coffee in my cup. A perfectly perfect way to spend Friday afternoon, and honestly, a much needed chance to reflect on the contents of these past few weeks. Despite challenges and a few nicks to my spirit here and there, I’ve been in my element as of late. And I don’t want to forget how I feel when I’m in my element. It’s an amazing, fulfilling, realizing feeling–a piece of the puzzle of “me” that I’ve needed to know.
Nine mornings ago the phone rang, and I went into doula (birth assistant) mode. My energy was up, my enthusiasm cup, full. The call meant that I’d soon witness a miracle–the birth of another precious babe and the ever-changing dynamic of a growing family, blending together. For a matter of hours or days, I was about to enter into the fold of one of the most sacred, personal, beautiful moments in life, and somehow, I would be an active participant.
In a way, I have to blink extra hard and consider quietly and carefully how this role–my role, came to be. Certainly inspired and ordained by God to become a part of my contribution to the world, I still don’t get it. The fit is nearly too good to be true. It’s the most humbling thing I do (outside of parenting, which falls into a category all its own;), and yet, besides being a mama, it comes the most naturally. Not so much like riding a bike, but almost. Very much like sitting down to the keyboard and sharing my heart in words. Being a doula, supporting a mother and her partner as they usher their baby into the world…every fiber of my being grasps this differently than so many other things that I have done or tried to do. There is effort in it, most certainly, but an effort of a different kind. It wells up from somewhere deep and pours out from all that I have learned about grace and embracing the moment, sharing in beauty and celebrating the good. Everything about me comes alive. How crazy is it when we discover one of the things that we are absolutely meant to be about?!
I hope that I am doing this calling justice when I enter in. I pray that my heart and my contribution, while in it, is holy and pleasing to God. I dream that this will ultimately empower, encourage, love, protect, sustain, and serve the mamas, dads, and babies who entrust this sacred time, in part, into my care. I long to be gentle, to bring grace, to share strength.
It will be a matter of days (if even) before the phone rings again and news of another babe will come my way. Again I’ll ready myself as I am able. Again, I will pray fervently for the grace and wisdom and endurance to honor another family in an effort to provide help–however, whenever, and wherever appropriate and useful. Again I will offer up what I am capable of to God, asking Him to fill in the rest.
When we find the spaces we are most suited towards, what do we do with that new level of comfort (or perhaps, discomfort), clarity, and understanding? When we discover our “elements,” how do we use them to glorify a Most High God who is calling us to great things–things outside of and beyond our own capabilities? Things that require us to bow down, to be dependent as we press in, to listen closely as He guides us to the places where our hearts, our hands, our spirits can be of best use?
I will do my utmost to give of myself in this way, and I will look up for the rest. In my element(s), I suddenly feel as though I can most closely experience God and reflect Him back to others.
may it be so.