Yesterday, I really needed to get some things off of my chest. It was just a rough day all around, and I was not in a great space to internalize it. I love this platform for that reason…sometimes, you just have to say what you’re thinking, and you need a good place to do so. I did try to leave out some of my frustration and such, but I hope that my honesty is freeing for those who don’t feel like they can always be honest themselves. I filter a lot. A. Lot. And there’s a time and place, and a certain audience for many things. Still, if I couldn’t laugh at the end of the day yesterday, then what did I have? I was feeling stripped down emotionally, physically, parentally. If we haven’t all been there at some point, then I don’t know what.
Flash forward to today, and a whole lot of vulnerability and honesty and truth all around. The day was filled up with friendships and catching up and opening up in a way that was refreshing and uplifting to my soul. What a remarkable distinction from just 24 hours ago!
In particular, I’m reflecting on the beauty of one friendship that has been nurtured slowly and, I think it’s fair to say, intentionally over a number of years. I am always blessed when I enter into time and space with this dynamic and incredible woman and her family. It’s as if the airwaves of communication just open up to my heart, and suddenly, hours have gone by and we’re pouring out all of the ways we’re connected by experience and emotion and God. I am at peace and rest in her home. We sit on the floor and play with the kiddos and talk about every little and big thing. And often, I’m left pondering something she’s said, long after our latest visit has ended. This is someone I believe God has used–and is using, to speak into my life.
Permission to speak freely isn’t always about ranting or raving or needing to just “get it all out there” when you’re brimming up and about spill over (although it can be, and that’s totally ok). Sometimes it’s finding a safe space where you can truly be yourself, and then allowing your reservations and insecurities and masks go entirely, for the sake of integrity, vulnerability and openness to what God will do through someone else. I think I used to be a much more open book to most, and I’ve had to learn a lot about reservation and caution and discretion as I’ve matured over the past decade or so. I believe God has called me to this as a wife, mom, daughter, sister, and friend. In the same (and perhaps as a result), I’ve discovered the extreme value of having a few (and just a few) trustworthy places to really pour out my heart. I’ve had to grow increasingly discerning in this area, and that can be so hard when you want to trust in the goodness of those around you.
In the most beautiful of friendships, permission to speak freely means that nearly anything is fair game to throw out onto the table–without judgement, without reservation, and without worry of what can be done with said information. I believe God places these friendships in our lives in the exact right times and places, and for a purpose–that He can be better glorified through the Truth that is so evident when authenticity is a safe and two way street.
I so loved today. And I especially loved the gift of a lengthy conversation over coffee and the sounds of kiddos playing happily nearby. I loved the celebration of what God is doing in each of our lives, and I am beyond grateful for the hearts behind our friendship on either side of the table. Permission, granted. Again. Thank you, Lord, for the gift of friendship, and for bringing such beautiful, incredible, spiritually open people into my (our) life!
filled up by the joy of sweet friends, tiny babes, and precious gifts from God tonight,