As I type this, Jason is quite generously going to the grocery store on my behalf. The past few days have been full, full, full, and every time I head to the fridge to prep a meal, I have to get a little more creative. Avoiding the grocery store is a beautiful thing, so long as your toddler isn’t disappointed three days in a row because there’s no yogurt, no bananas for with breakfast. Someone was going to have to cave and go eventually, and I just presumed it’d be me, because it’s kind of my thing to handle edible procurements around here. I have no problem being in charge of the kitchen. I like to cook, and I get great satisfaction out of shopping sales and using coupons to whittle down the bill. It’s just that I can’t come up with a whole lot I enjoy less than going to the grocery store seven+ months pregnant. I am so thankful to J that I’m sitting in the living room right now instead of gearing up for a late night run to stock the fridge.
A definite struggle for me this pregnancy has been the fact that I have to slow down way more than I’d like to concede. I’m not sure I can chalk it up to much else besides chasing a toddler around, which I’ve never had to do while pregnant before. It’s a totally different kind of physically taxing activity, and I’m convinced that the emotionally taxing portion of parenting has ramped up as of late around here as well. You know I adore Henry. But I do not adore being blatantly ignored or flat out being told “No!” by my two year old a dozen or more times a day. Like any other parent, I don’t particularly enjoy coming up with new and creative ways to discipline at every turn, and the truth is, I just lack a certain level of patient energy to try. But you can’t just skip out on the hard parts of parenting when you’re pregnant (as so many of us undoubtedly wish we could). I feel like it’s almost more important to stick to my guns with the munchkin these days, so that there’s still a clearly established order and system to things when the baby comes.
So the reality is, life is getting trickier to manage from a capacity standpoint as my midsection stretches to capacity, too. There’s just a heap of challenging or stressful things that have taken up more space in my brain, heart and spirit than I thought I had room for right now. But God permits us what we can handle–no more, no less. So the lesson here is that I must be able to hang in there through all of the outlying stress factors that present themselves without a sense of reprieve. This will be one of those seasons I look back on fondly and remember as a time of incredible growth, I’m certain.
Most likely, I just need to do a better job of recognizing my current limitations and embracing them as much as possible. After all, the cause and end result are worth a few months of slowing down my pace. There are things coming up that I need and want energy for, and I’m trusting that God will provide all I require in those moments. He always does. In the meantime, as we wait and prep over these next eight-ish weeks, I’m going to do my best to be patient. To be a good and attentive wife and mom. To prepare a space for our baby that does this heart a world of good as it evolves. And to continue to strive to create peace and order in the little blue house while much of life changes and swirls around us.
Some things are definite, even in the midst of this sort of unknown chapter. And the definite things are good and true and life giving, so they’re probably the most important in the long run anyway. I will cling to those. I will also avoid the grocery store whenever possible–especially late on a Saturday night, or with a small person in tow. Thank goodness for partners in crime to do life with…and to do the grocery shopping 😉 How would we manage otherwise?
slowing down for good cause,