Sitting here tonight and reflecting on today…wondering what exactly represents the past 24 hours, and what might be important to remember about this particular day in the scope of 100 on my journey towards baby. To be honest, not a whole lot stood out at first–until I went to reach for something and my stomach muscles protested strongly against it. The movement made me consider how I’ve felt lately–physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and the truth is, it’s been tough to flex any of these muscles with strength this weekend.
Yesterday was busy, busy, busy, and by the end of it, I was physically taxed to capacity. Today I woke up feeling much better, but the 90+ degree heat quickly squelched much hope of optimum physical energy. It was just a bit muggy to be at 100%. Mentally, I think I’m just working through so many details and ideas in my head that I’m not really giving myself a break–my mental muscles are getting a good workout every day, but it would be fun to give them a rest. Maybe when baby comes, I figure. Perhaps then I’ll be busy enough nursing that my time in the rocking chair each day will provide a desired level of mental space. I remember reading and thinking a lot when Henry was small–simply because I spent countless hours rocking with the bug. There’s certainly something to look forward to a few weeks from now!
I may be tapped out physically and mentally at the moment, but the muscles I’d like to bulk up the most are the spiritual and emotional ones. Spiritually, I feel reasonably well–I just need to keep trusting God and having enough faith that He will meet me where I am and where I need Him in every moment. And I need to remember days like Friday, when God makes it entirely apparent that He wants me to know He sees me. I especially need to lean on Him as I think toward the day baby arrives…that space, all of the details, the people who will surround us, things with Henry while we’re away at the hospital. Of course God has all of that handled and knows how it will go. So why is it still so hard for me to think that way in the day to day?
And then there’s my emotional muscles. These are getting a great workout, but not in the way I’d like to make a regular habit. I am SO weepy over things. Things at home and in our daily lives, acts of grace and kindness, worship music in church today. I’ve cried three times in the past 8 hours, and I just do not feel like myself in this way. It’s funny what pregnancy will do to you. Thank goodness Jason has been understanding and gracious each time…I’m like a fish out of water, and ready for the tears to slow themselves a bit post-baby.
All this being said, my muscles are achy in most ways as they flex and stretch and challenge the norm in this stage of being pregnant. I’m trying to learn to be patient with myself, but there are plenty of moments when that’s hard. Six more weeks or so to go, and I’m plenty grateful that I might have some of my *regular* muscles back after a bit. In the meantime, looks like I’ll just have to work hard at being patient with myself and those around me–and I’ll surely need to borrow some muscle power from God in the process.
getting my fair share of exercise,