The last time I wrote, I closed feeling so hopeful, reminding myself and anyone reading that there was “life springing up under all that bitter cold, that tired ground.” That was only two weeks ago, but the sky was gray and there was snow piled up EVERYWHERE. Everyone I talked with was feeling a bit like winter would never end. Fifteen days later, the sun is shining and the piles of snow are losing their fight to gloriously warm temps. The drudges of winter are literally melting away in every corner.
In contrast to February’s gloomy gray, I’ve wandered today in bright orange boots, sans jacket, under a remarkable spring sky. There are signs of hope and good things coming, surely, but I’ve spent the past 48 hours battling truth and clinging to hope and mustering up joy, and honestly, my heart hasn’t felt like keeping up with the weather.
I’m writing today, not to pour out a great testimony or to shout from the rooftops how great a God we serve (although we do), but instead to say that I’m really battling right now, and that some days it’s hard, hard work to keep trusting God and walking a hopeful path. Sometimes life hands over the pile and it feels too heavy for our own arms to carry. We can cling to the truth that Christ will bear our yokes and shoulder our burdens, and it can still be hard. Knowing the truth doesn’t just make it all go away–we’re human.
I don’t know anyone who praises God perfectly in all circumstances (I’ve met one or two who come close, but I’m not yet one of them). Learning to give glory to God in all things is a lifelong exercise–one that I think comes along with sanctification, which we know is a lifelong process.
I won’t drone on today, even though there is plenty swirling in my head and heart. Maybe somewhere down the line more of it will be worth sharing, and I do hope that’s the case. I just wanted to say that there are going to be days (or weeks or entire seasons) when questioning God and having to work extra hard at choosing joy come with the territory of pursuing a life with Christ.
I’m having one of those weeks and begging God that it doesn’t last for seasons. Maybe you are, too, and if you are, we’re in it together. I wanted you to know that. The words feels a little harder this afternoon, but I think they still matter.
Please let me know if/how I can be praying for you, and if you feel so led, I would covet your prayers for peace and healing on this end, too.
grace to you,