We were in slow mo a bit around here today…we started out planning on church and all kinds of other activities, but a little illness in the house changes things pretty fast. Poor Eloise must have eaten something that didn’t agree with her, because she spent the morning quite down on her luck. It’s the first time I can remember (since she was really tiny and we were still figuring out her dairy allergy) that she has gotten so sick to her stomach. She is one tough cookie, though, and she weathered it like a champ. It just meant for lots of quiet story time this morning and a general grounding of the family for the day while we let things settle a bit.
The reoccurring theme in my life right now seems to be “slowing down.” I know I’ve shared quite enough about this not being my forte, but I’m starting to think maybe I could get really good at it with so much practice available.
I slept for about four hours last night, although not for lack of effort. I was set to get closer to eight, but two of our three kiddos (one in utero and one upstairs in bed) had other plans. Needless to say, I was pretty groggy when the day started, which contributed to the pace of our whole family as the hours played out. Though there is plenty to get done around here (and while I feel like we’re actually making great progress), I’m learning that we’re not all so bad at just going with the flow and sharing down time together.
For two kids who have an unending amount of energy, and two parents who love to stay busy and search out fun experiences, we’ve settled into a weekend routine that’s rather mellow. I think there’s a time and a place for so much mellow, and certainly a time and place for more excitement and fun. Right now, we’re getting adjusted to slower, sleepier, quieter, and of course, there’s good reason.
Jason and I are masters at the arm’s length long to do list, and we attempt to pack it all into weekends and late night projects. We’re ambitious, but also tired, and I think we’re becoming a little more realistic about what we can do with the time and space we have.
Is this lesson hard for anyone else? I’m sure it is, but sometimes it seems like everyone everywhere is juggling life and household items, family adventures and time with friends, chores and meal prep and faith communities and full nights of sleep with ease. I’m just here to say that right now, in our reality, we can’t be masters at all of the above without wearing ourselves into the ground. The cost is high, and it’s not a fun price to pay for sanity and rest and quality time doing simple things like reading piles of stories and having living room dance parties with the kids.
We’re all pooped, honestly. I have no complaints (except maybe that I wish I could move a tad faster right now), I just want to make sure that we’re fitting in what’s most important and letting go of what’s not. The letting go part? That’s the hardest for me, but I’m working on it.
My mom taught me something about to do lists a long time ago that I may have to implement here pretty soon…do one thing, cross off two. There’s no shame in it, but perhaps a little realism and an extra dose of grace. The push is not worth the price tag (at least right now).
I’m still hopeful that all of the things I keep adding to lists might get accomplished before our little babe arrives–that would feel so good! But I know without a doubt that this time around is part of a long process for me of learning to relinquish control…of continuing to open up my hands to God and becoming ever more dependent on Him. I need to keep learning that my worth is not based on what I do or how much, and that life is not a matter of tasks, but of carefully spent moments doing the most important thing.
What’s your most important thing right now? Is it laundry and organizing dressers and labeling boxes for the attic? I think I’ve let those items become more important to me than they should be, for sure. I’m going to keep working on this whole “priorities” bit. I’m being shaped by the process. I’ll still change out endless loads of laundry and organize life and things as best I can, but not without trying to focus more and more on rest and resting in Him.
always a student,