All the feels are coming out around here, folks. Not just mine, but everyone’s. The kids are squirrelier than ever: we’ve lost all sense of the word STOP (and also the words NO and DON’T and even the obvious HEY!). For two very agreeable children, this phase is really something. It’s not just being five or three that’s doing it, it’s clearly the baby bump. Both H and E are excited, but there are definitely all kinds of nerves and apprehensions just below the surface.
Eloise has morphed into the shyest girl I know. She is a firecracker around here and with family, but with friends and strangers, warming up these days is somewhat off the table. She hides behind me when I ask her to say hello, or really when I address her at all in front of others. She does not like to be the center of attention in any way…until she does, which is a little hard for me to follow lately. Once she turns it on, it’s the Ellie Jo Show all day long. I love her spunk and energy. I just don’t quite know what to do with the clinging behind my back. Shoot. I can’t even reach her there these days! Where is the “crying like waterworks because you’re laughing so hard” emoji when I need it?
Henry shifts from being about the most helpful and gentle soul on the planet into total boyhood-ninja-warrior-storm-trooper-I-just-ate-all-of-the-sugar mode in no time flat…without any sugar. He talks about the baby and meeting the baby, and he stops what he’s doing to come over and kiss my belly at least a few times a day. He is caring and doting, then spitting and making wild animal noises; loving his sister well and then getting under her skin in every possible way…and there’s no telling how or when or why one reaction will take precedence over the other. I’m tearing my hair out just a tad trying to brace myself for whatever emotion is coming next. It’s an adventure.
As for Jason and me, well, we’re tired. And honestly a bit worn. And ready to meet this baby…but not quite…and back again. I could cry at most things, but I don’t, because who has time for that? I’ve become very pragmatic about a lot of things, and definitely more charged about others.
On a daily basis, I have an uncanny number of people make comments to me about how I look, or how soon this baby is going to fall out of me, or that I can’t possibly stay pregnant a minute longer, and truly, it is taking every bit of grace in my bones not to just let people know how I really feel about that.
It’s not as if I don’t know I have a baby in there and look like I’m ready to give birth soon (interestingly, I do, and I am). It’s more that every other stranger is either glaring and saying nothing (the better option, I guess), or saying something as if they can’t hold it in a second longer. Seems like they should all be less worried about my water breaking and more worried about the stream of consciousness plummeting out of their mouths, no?
Just being real and all.
This is the best and hardest part of pregnancy all at once. We’re so close, and I want to just suspend this period of time so I never lose the feeling and anticipation of knowing our baby will be here soon. It’s the very best. On the flip side, I feel like I’m losing my edge over here in most ways…as a mama to our other two, as a human capable of normal physical activity, as an evenly keeled, emotionally stable person who has grace enough for everyone. Hello, baby number three. You are a marvel and a mystery and one of the hardest, most rewarding experiences I’ve ever faced.
We are getting there.
Just not without wild moods throughout the house and four people juggling so much love for each other and such a great need for personal space at the same time. Life feels raw, and maybe that’s good.
I’m thrilled to be here, and perfectly happy to be honest about the hardest parts, too. I hope someday my daughter (or daughters?) or daughter(s)-in-law will read this when they’re pregnant and know that they are normal for having all of the feelings at once. If this is not almost thirty eight weeks pregnant and normal, I don’t know what is 😉
love from the little (emotionally charged) blue house,