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filling up days.

11 Oct

I am more absent here than I’d like as of late, and I know I’ll look back and wish that I’d somehow better documented all of the wonderful that is filling up my life right now. But the days are so full. And I go to bed SO late. And our growing boy gets up when he gets up–as all mothers reading this most definitely understand.

I am not complaining in the least bit, because truthfully, I love the moment in the morning when Henry’s head peeks over the side of his crib with those big eyes surveying the day and saying, “Hello, Mommy! I’m so glad to see you! And I’m SO hungry! Please pick me up so I can be all kinds of cuddly and lovey. It’s MORNING!!!” It’s pretty much the best thing ever…well, besides the snuggling before bed and all of the cozy in between. I looooooove being Henry’s mom. (But you knew that.)

So yes, the days are full, and full of all of the exact kind of things I imagined they’d be when I became a mom, plus a few more added in for good measure. I’m finding I spend little time on Facebook or browsing the internet or “window shopping” online anymore because there is little time to do it–and I’m grateful. Life has adjusted in such a way that I’ve swapped those things out for the fullness of one-on-one interactions with Hank and closer, more personal relationships with the moms, friends, family and world around me. It feels good. And at the end of the day, I am authentically and perfectly worn out. God is sustaining me each morning for whatever lies ahead of me in that 24 hour span of time. Thank goodness He is so attentive to my needs–even those in the categories of energy, patience, willingness, gratitude, rest, and peace on a daily basis. And his grace is the thing that gets me through to the next bit, and the next. We serve such a generous God!

Tonight, I have the chance to be in bed close to midnight, and I’m going to take it. I’m going to take it and run! But before I do, a few moments I have loved over the past few days and weeks…a few spaces where all of the grace and generosity and blessing pile up, sit at my feet, smile and gently say, “You are loved. You are loved. You are loved.” Oooooooh, life is so full of beauty I can hardly stand it sometimes. And I mean that in a very good way :)

full. oh so full.

mm

“don’t blink,” everyone always says.

4 Oct

Ok, it’s happening. And it’s weird, and I don’t know if I like it or what exactly to think about it, but…all of the tiny babes who were born this Spring alongside Henry are growing up! As if completely out of nowhere, they’re suddenly these little people who move and make amazing sounds and display remarkable levels of cognition, and WOW. I just suddenly feel like time sped up in one short moment.

Because I’m fairly certain that I was just meeting them all for the first time, and they were scrunchy and seemingly helpless and ohsoincredibly fresh from God in those early days. Now, while no longer scrunchy and murmur-y and such, they’re reminding us of how perfectly creative a God we serve in entirely new and refreshing ways. And I have loved both seasons.

Still, I’m completely in awe of the change.

I held a friend’s beautiful, perfect, tiny little three week old this morning and my heart skipped a few beats. He is just the cuddliest, coziest, warmest, sleepiest little being at the moment, and a few minutes with him on my shoulder was pure Heaven. How much must God delight in the newness and sweet vulnerability of a tiny babe? Already, Henry is in a completely new and dynamic stage of life, and I’m beginning to wonder how long I’ll have to wait before we step into that sleepless and marvelous space again with a someday brother or sister.

Time. There is plenty of time. But in the midst of watching newborns turn rapidly into five and six month olds, and as we celebrate the incredible new lives entering the world all around us (seemingly all at once:), it’s hard not to anticipate the process again. It was, after all, the most wonderful thing we’ve ever put our lives into. And he still, most certainly, is.

amazed,

mm

not the driver.

22 Sep

This morning while Henry napped, I got ready as usual and then tried to decide what one or two things to tackle before I expected him to wake up a short time later. I sorted and started a load of laundry, made the bed, wrote a commercial for work, sent a few emails, then checked to see if H was still breathing or lying awake in his crib in complete quiet. Nope, just sleeping. So I pondered squeezing in the dishes, making a phone call, sending a birthday text and folding some laundry…but not before a moment of clarity and the freeing decision to rid my life of Facebook for the week.

Here’s the thing of it: Facebook is an escape mechanism for me in far too many moments of the day. By nature of its convenient access on my phone, the habit of “just checking” sneaks in between activities with HD, while I’m nursing, before I fall asleep at night and generally whenever I have more than a minute (but less than 10) of downtime. I think I do this because I like to feel connected to the outside world while I’m at home with a very small person who does not yet make conversation. Facebook provides some sort of constant news reel into the daily lives of the people around me, and while I’m not often looking for the details of what’s happening across town or in someone else’s backyard, I am interested in the things that interest others–great links to intriguing websites, photos from the last historic wedding or vacation, queries about baby things and the delight of being new parents (as so many of our friends have become in recent weeks and months). Facebook creates the opportunity to share and interact without the necessity of scheduling twelve hundred coffee dates or lunches–it connects friends who would otherwise be at a distance and bridges the communication gap in all of our busy lives. And while I’m all for coffee dates galore and lunches penciled into plenty of squares on the calendar, let’s be honest. It would be impossible to connect with all of the same people we do on Facebook in actual, face-to-face conversation…or at least it would be impossible to do so nearly as often. So, yes. I like it. Admittedly, I’ve grown perhaps a little too attached to it in the quiet that has evolved around life as a stay-at-home, work-at-home mom. I used to interact with people in person all day long. And I miss it.

But truthfully, I’ve started to feel a bit strange about the way that I’m drawn to FB on the screen as soon as I open my computer. I’d rather check my news feed than my email, would rather catch up on photos of other people’s adorable children in photo albums than scrapbook all of the pictures piling up of our own. I think maybe I’ve lost a little bit of myself in the world of social networking, and I don’t even know when it happened.

This was a sobering realization this morning as I took a little time in the quiet just to think. I occurred to me that I’m always wishing for more time to handle the million things I either want or need to accomplish. Like blogging. Reading. Journaling. Sleeping. Working. Praying. (And not in that order.) There’s just so much I need–and I do mean need, to be about right now. And Facebook isn’t one of them. Yes, I absolutely want to connect with friends. Yes, I absolutely am interested in their lives, families, worries, excitements, and status updates. But my status as a spiritually and emotionally whole person is changing because I’m constantly discouraged about all I’ve needed to fit into one day and didn’t. And yes, I totally recognize this isn’t just about Facebook.

So today has been a lot about priorities, and about ways I can begin to curb my feelings of inadequacy on various levels in my daily life. When I made the decision to shut the Facebook window this morning and to sign off intentionally for at least a week, I immediately felt my spirit lift a little bit. It was freeing. One less thing that I have to keep up on throughout the day. I allowed myself to get into a habit that wasn’t necessarily harmful, but it wasn’t productive either. And now I’m going to break it.

As I went about the next 30 or so minutes of my morning before Hank woke up (Marathon nap today, little buddy. THANK YOU!), I felt like my mind was more clear and as though God was absolutely guiding me through my time. I’ve noticed quite regularly since H was born that if I desperately need to do or finish something before he wakes up, I have just exactly the perfect amount of time to complete the task. Then Henry, as if on cue, wakes up and lets me know I’m needed–not a moment too late nor a moment too soon. I’ve believed this is God’s way of blessing me with time on each occasion. And I believe without a doubt that it happened again today. I wanted to get a certain number of things done. I said a prayer. I had my little Facebook revelation, and I got to work. Darn if Henry didn’t sleep right up until I was finished with what I needed to do. God covered me and my time this morning, and I think it’s because I let Him drive. I’m certain I didn’t arrive at the conclusion to ditch Facebook all on my own–I like it too much. Instead, I just asked God to help me find time, and He did, right in front of me. Right where I needed it. As silly as it may seem, it’s a big deal to me. Life is a whole lot smoother a ride when I don’t always insist on driving.

handing over the keys this week, and hopefully the next…and the next…

mm

for today.

11 Aug

There are things I want to remember about today–good, life-giving, holy things that I don’t want to lose in the midst of other things that feel cloudy and defeating and strange. The little moments of the day that make it rich are absolutely worth celebrating, I think!

For today, I’m thankful to be home with our little babe, watching him grow and learn and find delight in the newness of life as he explores it. I’m grateful for friends, and for the way God orchestrates conversations and connectedness over amazing homemade salads at imperfect dining room tables. I’m clinging to Truth, and how it makes its way into spaces otherwise consumed by longing, fear, discontentment. And I’m blessed by time outside as a family on a beautiful, Summer night.

For the sweet little town where we live…

For the smiles Henry adds to other faces as we say hello and share in the joy of having him in our lives…

For made up songs and playtime and silly antics that light up his face and draw our connection as mom and baby ever closer all the time…

 

 

If I blinked too fast, I would miss this. All of this beauty around me in such important places in my life. If I let myself, I could bristle at the challenges, have a good cry over the losses, wish the days away always striving after the accomplishments I crave and have yet to reach. And it’s possible that I’ve done some of that today, at least for a few minutes. Still, I want to go to bed thankful. Thankful for what is right and true and lovely. Thankful for the way God created me to be driven toward wholeness and authenticity and to pursue them until I can grab them by the reins.

for today, i’ll cling to the little things, and to the steadfastness of a most holy Creator who helps me to embrace what is good,

mm

 

caterpillar toes.

5 Aug

Henry and I are getting the hang of venturing out and about to explore the world together, and I love it. This morning, we played with friends, then spent the afternoon visiting with another friend out at her campsite at the state park. Then we met up with Dad for dinner at home and a trip downtown for the Street Performers Series–one of our favorite things about Summer. Gosh it was just the perfect day to be outside–and the perfect evening, too! A slight breeze, sun and shade, cooler temps. Love.

I grabbed a few shots of Henry on his beach towel, just hanging out in his sun hat with a handful of favorite toys. Here are two gems from this afternoon:

hangin' with sophie at the beach.

'lil beach bum.

And later on…

There’s always a great variety of talent and entertainment among the Thursday night street performers, and tonight was no exception. We usually just stroll and observe at a distance, but on this fine evening, we decided a little participation would be more fun. So, I wandered up to the henna table and in less than a minute walked away with a sweet little reminder of India:

quick henna tattoo...and it was free!

Then Henry, although fast asleep, participated in a little art project by lending his left foot…and the end result was this adorable little caterpillar for the bug himself. Marking Henry’s tiny toes at three months and being oh-so-adorably cute, this one’s a framer for the nursery, for sure (I think I sense a series coming on):

a bug for our bug ;)

We wrapped up the night among a crowd of 100 or so, enjoying the quick hand and tricks of a local magician–I’d forgotten how fun that can be! Henry David was a tired little man at the end of a full day, but he’s sleeping soundly now after a story and a bedtime snack. Then there was time to clean, squeak in a bit of work, catch up a tad on emails and pour over photos for a bit. Now, as I head to bed myself, I’ll likely sneak one more peek and a kiss on the forehead for my favorite little boy–two more things to love about an already lovely day.

looking forward to tomorrow and whatever new delights it will hold!

mm (henry’s mom:)

Ooh, and for a spectacular treat, take three minutes to enjoy Move. Learn. and Eat., a trio of very short videos that will inspire your creative side, the wanderlust that’s lurking, and quite likely, your taste buds:

http://bit.ly/qoeaM5

making a splash.

25 Jul

Henry experienced a few firsts this weekend, and as his momma, I couldn’t help but love every minute. Pictured below?

-Henry’s first ever birthday party (I should say Pirate birthday party:) in honor of his buddy, Jack.

-Henry’s first ever dip in the pool (Note his stylin’ swim outfit. Yep, that’s right. Not just swim trunks or a swim diaper. Kids these days need swim outfits, I guess.) He did look pretty adorable, if I may say so ;)

-His first ever tuckered-out-from-Summer afternoon nap. As it turns out, he prefers them over regular naps. Good to note!

It was a joy to be out in the sunshine with dear friends, celebrating, snapping photos and making a splash. Saturday marked my first swim of the Summer too, and man, did it feel good! I feel like I caught glimpses of life ahead…days spent poolside with the kiddos, protective sun gear, sweaty, tired little ones after the fact. What’s not to love?

Happy first swim, sweet little man! And Happy 3rd Birthday to the best little pirate I know!

finally feeling summery!

mm

you and me together, we could do anything…

8 Jul

I know I promised this entry late last week, but there’s been lots to manage around here since then, and sadly, the blog has had to wait. It’s one of the last things I’d like to put off, but also one of the few I can cross off the list if sleep is hard to come by and Henry is finally down for the count. All parents understand this, I’m sure. I wish I could say I was totally adjusted to the idea, but I digress. There’s always a lot to learn about sacrifice (even if it’s just your blog) as a new mom.

Although it’s been a week and a half, I still want to capture some of what took place on Bridget and Teddy’s wedding day waaaay back on Saturday, the 25th. There’s a lot I’ll remember about the day for years to come, but it’s good to have reminders and to record the beautiful things in life–no matter how memorable they may be…

(All of the wedding photos in this post are courtesy of my dear cousin, Beth. So thankful for her sweet spirit, AND her camera! For some reason, I did not attempt to juggle a camera, a wedding gown and a baby. I’ll get better, I promise ;)

After a week of wedding prep side-by-side with Bridget (who had worked at long last before then), the day she and Teddy were waiting for was finally here. If you could go back in time and spend a few hours with Teddy or Bridget (or both) since their engagement, you’d know just how deeply and expectantly they’d longed for their wedding day to arrive. To see Bridget that morning and the days leading up to it was to experience her joy right along with her; it was–and still is, I imagine, written all over her face. When the alarm went off at 6am, I got up and ready, then fed Henry and left our hotel room to meet up with my mom and step-mom, Jane. Together we drove to the hair salon for bridal party hair appointments, which began at 7:30am. I thought 7:30 sounded early, but it felt even earlier following a week of nights sleeping in a hotel bed with a two month old. It felt earlier still when we arrived to a salon with a locked door and no stylists in sight. :) We took advantage of the small window of time to grab a cup of coffee and something to eat, then headed back to get things rolling. Bridget and a few of the other bridesmaids arrived shortly after, and stylists trickled in over the next hour or so. Mine came around 8:45am, so I tried to make the most of the time in between by visiting with the girls, coordinating a few last minute details and picking out a hairstyle. As things got rolling, the busyness of the day kicked in; we were taking turns in various chairs, writing notes to the bride- and groom-to-be, snacking on smoothies and applying makeup as we went. The photographer came at 9am and stayed with us as everyone got ready.

From there, a few of us raced back to the hotel for dresses, bags, shoes, etc. Jason, Jane, Dad and my step-sisters (Cassidy and Sammie) were on Henry duty, and were keeping him fed and happy in my absence. (Thank goodness! Without extra hands that day, my roles as new mom and Matron of Honor would have been a harrowing mix.) After a quick gathering of items, we all piled into the car and headed to the church to get ready for Bridget’s arrival. Despite things lagging a bit at the salon, timing fell into place as best it could. The beauty of it? A wedding never starts without the bride, so we made do with the schedule changes and adjusted as we went. The next hour or so was a whirlwind…I pumped bottles for Henry, got into my dress, and enjoyed every minute of helping Bridget with her makeup, dress, veil and shoes. As I buttoned up the very last tiny buttons, I couldn’t help but get caught up in the moment. Everything about Bridget that day was bright and sophisticated, gracious and poised. She has never, ever been more beautiful–never more radiant in her whole life!

The few hours that followed were the kind I mentally bottle up, then trickle out slowly over a string of days for as long as possible. As we took pictures outside on a perfect backdrop of rolling farmland, mountains and sunshine, every interaction with Bridget was a bursting-at-the-seams-with-love kind of sister moment for me. I would have trailed after her, clutching the train of her gown, for days in that space. Together with all of the bridesmaids and flower girls we took pictures, then circled up and prayed over Bridget and her new life with Teddy before going back into the church. She and I waited for the “all clear” to get her inside before Teddy might catch a glimpse, and once tucked into the stairwell we were all to ourselves, just waiting for the ceremony to begin. If I looked at her once, I looked at her a thousand times that day–my little sister, a brilliantly spectacular woman with every bit of little girl anticipation in her heart as she waited to become Teddy’s wife. When Dad came back to join us before escorting Bridget down the aisle, we told silly jokes and laughed together to lighten an otherwise teary exchange. In that few minutes, I couldn’t possibly have said all that I wanted to tell her about the amount of joy welling up inside of me as I got to share hers. It was lovely and personal–one of my very favorite snapshots in all of the memories we’ve created together as sisters and friends.

beaming as she comes down the aisle. one of my favorites!

The wedding ceremony began, and we all made our way down the aisle, two by two. Even Henry made it to the front of the church in J’s arms as the teeny tiny ring bearer, ring pillow tied around his waist (courtesy of his Grandma T) and all! When the doors opened for Bridget and Dad to enter the church, she was simply beaming. I glanced back and forth from Bridget to Teddy and watched as they both grew even more excited, and they joined hands at the front of the church as Fr. Luke opened with a greeting and prayer. Sacred Heart of Mary in Boulder is Teddy’s family’s parish, and it was a beautiful setting for the Mass and wedding. Every element of the ceremony was reverent and celebratory. As Bridget and Teddy exchanged vows, neither could stop smiling. God’s presence in each of their lives is so evident, and He was certainly present as they became husband and wife together. I’ve said it multiple times already, but the word I return to each time I think about the day is “joy.” As a couple, they radiate a most drawing and welcoming sense of it, and the light they shine into the world together is exceptionally bright.

ring bearer Henry and his daddy :)

exchanging vows.

the ceremony.

From the ceremony, we headed back out onto the church grounds for more photos with the wedding party and family while other guests enjoyed cocktail hour across the way in the reception hall. Afterwards, we were announced at the reception and made our way to sit down for Bridget and Teddy’s first dance to Dave Matthews’ “You and Me.” Dinner was served shortly thereafter, and everyone dined on a most delicious spread of gourmet bacon cheeseburgers, sweet potato fries, grilled veggies and salad–yum!! Years ago, Bridget said she’d someday serve bacon cheeseburgers at her wedding, and thanks to her vision, we all enjoyed them:) True to form, she made sure that every detail about the ceremony and reception thoughtfully reflected “Bridget and Teddy” in the very best ways.

the wedding party.

joy.

beautiful moment with grandma.

four generations!!

The rest of the night was peppered with great moments, LOTS of dancing, cake cutting and cake, and a few toasts. I thought and thought about what I wanted to say, but reflecting on a lifelong friendship with your sister is hard to do in just a few short minutes! I hope to have honored both Bridget and Teddy in some way. Henry met a number of new great aunts and uncles, cousins and friends throughout the evening, and was one tuckered little ring bearer each time that I snuck him away for a feeding or some mommy and Henry snuggle time. It was so wonderful to be celebrating the new Mr. and Mrs., but I missed my little bug SO much all day! As the evening came to a close, Bridget and Teddy were whisked away in a bright blue Ford Galaxie 500 (’67 or so) as we all poured out of the hall to hug and wave them off to their honeymoon. I had a deja vu moment in reverse as I snuck in one last goodbye to Bridget–the same way that we found each other in the very last minute before Jason and I headed off on our own honeymoon four years ago. The night wrapped up with a little cleanup and organizing, followed by lots of goodbyes to family and new friends before we all piled into the Expedition and made our way back to the hotel for one last night. Henry blessed us with his longest night’s sleep to date…7.5 hours! His exhaustion was a welcome end to a very busy week–I slept as long as I have since early in my pregnancy, and it felt SO good!!

sweet baby bug.

The next day, we packed our bags, said more goodbyes and then drove to Boulder for brunch at Teddy’s parents with everyone who was still in town. It was grand to see my glowing sister and new brother-in-law once more before we had to leave for the airport, and to have the chance to chat sans reception background noise. Leaving was bittersweet after spending so much time with some of my favorite people on the planet! I was very ready to get the little man home to his own crib and routine, excited for a few quiet days around the house, and sad to be saying goodbye (again) to our family. It’s a rare occasion that Bridget and I are in the same town for a week at a time, and I soak up every opportunity I get. (Plus, Henry looooooves his Auntie B. and misses her whenever she’s far away. Who could blame him?)

And there you have it. Colorado 2011 and Bridget and Teddy’s Wedding Extravaganza. I’m sure it won’t be the last family trip we take to visit the beautiful mountains and the beautiful people who go with them! On a detour before the airport, we made one last little trip to get a mini-fix..Boulder Canyon and a stop at Boulder Falls for a few photos and some fresh mountain air. Divine. We picked up a stowaway (bridesmaid:) as we headed out of town, checked the car in to the rental company and took the shuttle to DEN on our way back to GRR. And the airport experience/flight home? A story for another day and post to be sure. Looking back, it’s worth at least a laugh…or six.

boulder falls.

breathtaking!

sad baby, but we still loved being in the mountains!

mountains, sunshine and the babe. love.

as she would say herself, my sister is officially murried (yes, murried, for fun!), and we’re back at home missing the landscape already. love, love, love to one of the most meant-to-be couples on the planet!

mm

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