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sustenance. (day 10)

4 May

It’s pretty humbling, this thing of God always providing enough exactly in the moment that we need it. I’ve experienced it many times before…living in Africa, raising funds for missions, emptying the piggy bank for necessary things…but I’ve never quite felt so provided for in the same way as I’ve been over the last ten days. God is nurturing my heart, my new-mommyhood, and my physical self through the generosity and selflessness of others in profoundly simple ways. At the end of every day, I can’t help but look back to reflect with gratitude on the one that has just come and gone.

God so often sustains me through prayer, worship, time alone, nature, relationships–the areas where I’ve grown accustomed to Him meeting me, and the places where I’ll first look to find Him when I’m postured to ask, confess, pray or praise. But lately God is showing up in acts of kindness, time, service, comfort and wisdom, and He is surprising me at every turn. I never imagined people dropping what they’ve got going on, or making incredible efforts to rearrange schedules just to come and help me and our new little family. Our parents have all made significant sacrifices of time and energy to come and be here with us as we acclimate to life with Henry, and they’re not just here holding the baby. They are cooking and cleaning, changing and washing, encouraging and loving and doting on the three of us in a way that is so elemental and basic and yet, so perfect and needed in this season. Friends keep dropping by to bring meals–some planned and some unexpected, but all in perfect timing. Thoughtful and surprise gifts have arrived in hand and by mail for our little son, blessing us with their sentiments and prayers and celebration. I look around this house and see signs of community everywhere–sustenance for my soul that is otherwise tired and subdued and ready for some semblance of normal to return again.

If having a baby and letting go of inhibitions, modesty, privacy and plans isn’t enough, what happens in the wake of birth is certainly one of the most humbling experiences ever. As someone who has a hard time sitting still, I’m having to learn a great deal about saying yes and saying no, about being served, about waiting, and about being patient with myself and this whole process in different ways than I perhaps expected. Undoubtedly, I’ll be back on my emotional and physical feet before long. In this healing space though, I’m just relying on the evidence I already have before me–that the details will fall into place and the laundry will get folded; the house will be kept as clean as necessary, the baby will have what he needs at every turn, and no one will go without under this roof. God is good–and gracious and merciful, all the time. All the time, He is. And it is good.

From the beginning…community:

From the beginning…LOVE:

sustained,

mm

out to dinner. (21)

9 Apr

Jason and I were blessed with a little “fun” money this weekend and instructed to spend it on something we’d enjoy doing together, so tonight, we dutifully obliged. After a day of baby-related things and trying to check items off of lists around the house, we went to dinner downtown at one of our favorite local spots. Pizza was the fare of the evening, and although I can’t handle much in the way of tomatoes or marinara these days, I can absolutely partake in the white sauce variety, which I very much enjoyed with an iced tea :)

The weather was so Springlike today, and iced tea made the evening feel practically Summery. There’s nothing I love more than spending an evening enjoying each other’s company in warm weather…taking walks down 8th Street and just sort of strolling along, as if there’s nothing else to worry about in the world. J and I met in the Summer and have spent countless hours strolling and frequenting the beach on nights like tonight, and I love every one of them. An evening like this one is just good for my soul.

I know that a lot is about to change very soon, but one thing we’re committed to keeping the same is the priority we’ve placed on dating each other. With the baby in-utero, it’s a little easier to head out for a care free meal or destination, but even once the little one is here, we know that he or she will be better for us making this a priority in our lives.

I love dating my husband. And I don’t plan on that ever changing :)

When I think about all of the joy that awaits us as we integrate the baby into our lives, I know the restaurant experience will change a bit for a while. But there will certainly still be nights when the peanut stays home, and for a few hours, it’s just us, like it’s always been. I’m so thankful that God puts people in our path who recognize the importance of this, and who willingly encourage us to make time and take time to enjoy each other. As we remind ourselves how much love there is between us and within our family, our new addition will grow to know that love as well.

I’ll probably never forget these last few weeks as Jason and Molly, before we ever became mom and dad in a more tangible sense. We’re already parents, of course, awaiting the arrival of this person we love so much, but we are Jason and Molly first…on the beach, when we fall into bed at night, and over pizza on a Saturday, when everything seems right with the world.

full. in the very of best ways,

mm

fudge bars. (23)

7 Apr

We used to have them all of the time as kids–a treat on the weekends or in the summertime or after dinner on occasion. I rarely crave ice cream (unless it’s Captain Sundae :), but tonight after getting home from our last birthing class, I sat down to blog and suddenly wanted a fudge bar. I don’t think I’ve had one in years. They might sound good when I pass them in the frozen food aisles at the grocery store, but I never buy them.

Enter Jason. He had just gotten cozy in the living room when I mentioned this random craving (Note: I’ve had very few cravings during pregnancy…citrus fruit, milk and cereal are my top three offenders). Rewind to a few days ago when J shared that he kind of felt like he’d missed out on the chance to get in the car at midnight and run to the store to appease a craving of mine over the past 9ish months. When your wife craves staples like milk, cereal and citrus fruit, there aren’t too many nights where grocery delivery by way of loving husband is wholly necessary at an ungodly hour.

Tonight, though, it’s Jason-the-wonder-husband/dad to the rescue. I didn’t vocalize my craving for any other reason than just to say that fudge bars sounded good, but J was up and at ‘em with record speed. Before I knew it, he was in the car and on the way to the store–and I’m feeling pretty spoiled right about now.

In the midst of this post, my phone buzzed with a text from super-husband letting me know that photos of three fudge bar options were waiting in my inbox. Sure enough, store brand, Fudgsicle and Skinny Cow fudge bars were looking back at me when I opened my email. And then J called to make sure to get the right ones. This is one of those moments where I just want to pin him with a “best husband of the year” award. I mean really, fudge bars at my beck and call at 10:30pm, directly following an evening in birthing class supporting me and learning how to best facilitate the healthiest, smoothest birth possible for our little babe? Maybe he could be the April cover guy for New Dad Magazine or something. If it existed, I’d nominate him.

So Kruger and I are just hanging out here, spending time with the blog and awaiting the deliciousness of a hand-delivered fudge bar to round out the night. We’re looking forward to “dad” getting home, as we often do, and I’m melting a little myself over the service coming my almost 37 weeks pregnant way.

feeling quite loved,

mm

such is life (cereal). (26)

4 Apr

I just polished off a box of Life cereal. No big deal, except that we bought it on Saturday afternoon, and it’s Monday night. And I’m pretty certain that Jason hasn’t touched it once. Now, before I go further, I feel compelled to state that it was normal sized box–not the jumbo version, and that I regularly consume cereal for my meals lately (in place of other items that sound terrible and give me heartburn). It’s also my go-to bedtime snack. That being said, imagine my surprise when I shook out the last few pieces into a bowl tonight–a mere two days after making the purchase and bringing it home.

As I sat down to eat my deliciously satisfying and (quite obviously) necessary bedtime bowl of Life, I couldn’t help but think how real life (not the cereal version) can be so much like this little episode I’d just experienced with the box and bowl and spoon. It’s easy to assume that things are just as you see them–the box is in the pantry, therefore it has cereal in it, and therefore, I can enjoy it tonight as normal. Instead, you realize that while you were planning to pour out a normal day or a normal situation, or while you assumed one thing all along, your reality is something altogether different. And it can sneak up on you a little bit like an empty cereal box, too. You figure no one else has had any cereal since you put the box away, or you presume that everything is as you perceive having left it, when really, there won’t be cereal enough for you to enjoy a bowl in the morning; and disappointment is frequently the result.

I think what I’m trying to say can be summed up by a question people ask all of the time…”You know what they say about assuming, right?” In my own terms, the retort goes something like, “It makes a ‘fool’ out of you and me.” You get the idea. I don’t love learning this lesson over and over when I think I’ve had ample opportunity to pick it up over the years, but the truth is that assuming and/or taking things for granted can be dangerous territory. It’s better to be sure about something, or to clarify so that you can be sure of something. In other words, it isn’t any fun to run out of your most recent favorite cereal because you just assumed there’d be more in the box.

I guess I’ve been nominated for another lesson tonight. Instead of just eating my bowl of cereal as I planned, I had to find some metaphor in it that would land me here. My grand conclusion? Things aren’t always as they seem. When I realize this about anything important in life, my strong desire is to figure out what things really look like on the inside of the box. And it’s the hardest thing in the world to wonder but not have the answers.

My cereal bowl is empty now, and the box is, too, but my mind is full up with things I need to pray about and ponder. I never imagined getting so much out of a $2 box of cereal.

Now what to do with the milk and the spoon?…

mm

“whaddya say, preggo?” (29)

1 Apr

In honor of Jason’s birthday today, we went to dinner at one of our favorite restaurants to celebrate. Without giving away our destination entirely, I’d describe the place as a “fine dining establishment” along the lakeshore in our hometown. It’s not somewhere we visit frequently, but in year’s past, I spent many a summer evening waiting tables there (and it’s been a go-to spot throughout our entire relationship–from our first date to the night we were engaged to birthdays and anniversaries). The view is lovely, the food, always impeccable, and most often, the service, personable and attentive.

Tonight, we enjoyed a delicious meal and naturally, each other’s company. Our server, however, quickly made himself worthy of a blog post–and contributed tremendously to my “list of things not to say to a pregnant woman.” I record this in jest (for the most part), and I have to laugh. People can be so funny when there’s a belly involved.

At first, he came to take our drink order and I picked something off of the “zero proof beverages” menu. This seems like an obvious choice for someone like me–my baby bump now drawing the attention of the greater population on most days. “Dave,” as we’ll call him, made some wise crack about me forgetting my ID and wondered why I wasn’t ordering an alcoholic beverage. The look on his face was priceless when I leaned back in my chair, gave the belly a pat and said, “I’m nearly to term. I’m thinking I’ll hold off for the night.” This didn’t bother me in the least, but I think it bothered Dave. He was already a bit awkward, and he only grew more so throughout dinner. At one point, he shared a story about “two chicks” he once served at another establishment, later used choice language at the table next to ours (he seemed to know them), and then, almost literally, put the icing on the cake.

After our dinner plates had been cleared, Dave came back to the table, dessert menus in hand, and without hesitation said to me (and I quote), “Whaddya say, preggo? Are we having dessert tonight?” Really? Seriously? First you didn’t notice that I was pregnant at all, and now you’re calling me “preggo” without hesitation? I can’t make this stuff up. Imagine my delight when I could say, “No, sir. I ordered a cake and it’s waiting for us at home.” Insert polite, fake smile. I was already excited about J’s cake and the rest of his birthday celebration, but this moment made it all the sweeter. Not to mention the fact that staying for dessert might have meant for more bizarre conversation, and let’s be honest, I’m a little too outspoken to have remained overly tactful for much longer. We paid the bill and made our way home, laughing about the oddity of our experience and chalking it up to another great, awkward pregnancy story to tell. At least dinner was delicious, and we had this fabulous cake (courtesy of Second Floor Bakery) waiting for us when we got back to the house:

outside, j's bmw. inside, chocolate truffle cake with strawberry filling :)

looks just like it! (but more edible)

3D side view mirror. sweet!

30 years. and many more, love. many, many more!

All joking aside, I’m so thankful that there’s so much to celebrate as Jason welcomes a new year. We’ve had a great day together, and now, we’re going to dive into birthday cake bliss with a side of milk, and a few more sweet moments of birthday to share.

preggo, zero proof and married to a classic,

mm

dinner decisions. (35)

26 Mar

Last night, in “highly unmotivated mode,” I made macaroni and cheese from a box for dinner. Jason helped by slicing apples, and we sat down to a very ho-hum meal at 8pm. This isn’t exactly how I like to prepare food on most days, but it was an off night and I just didn’t want to try very hard. I know we’re both over it by now, and there’s good reason to keep a few boxes of Kraft Mac ‘n Cheese in the pantry, but still…

When time permits, I LOVE to be in the kitchen. I’m definitely more drawn to cooking than baking–probably because I like to be able to enjoy what I’ve just made, and a savory, inventive meal almost always appeals more to me than dessert. I do love the idea of baking Christmas cookies in season, making sweet treats for our kids and their friends when they’re older, etc. But for the most part, I prefer to go a little off-recipe at times, and baking just isn’t as conducive to that habit. Instead, I’m a fan of any sort of ethnic cuisine and love to go out on a limb every once in a while. Jason and I both like spicy food, so rich, bold flavor is something I’m always trying to get right.

Ironically, despite the joy that comes with preparing a well-rounded, flavorful meal, I am often at a loss for what to make–especially during a busy work week. I suspect this will change a bit when I have more time at home during the day; I just want to expand my repertoire beyond things like tacos, spaghetti, chili, breakfast for dinner, stir fry and chicken tikka masala. I also long for the days when the grill is back in session and I can prep kabobs or burgers or fruit to make for perfect summer meals out-of-doors. Between the backyard patio, the farmer’s market and my grill-master of a husband, our summer fare is just so much more enjoyable than my routine stove top, oven and crock pot recipes.

So, as I prepare to have a bit more time to focus in the kitchen, and as I seek to better round out my culinary skills, I’m just curious…what recipe(s) do you recommend? Which ones are your go-to menu items, and which do you save for company or more labor intensive kitchen prep? What meals do you suggest for a brand new mom who is juggling life in a different way than before? What is your favorite item in the International aisle at the grocery store?

Any and all suggestions are welcome. I’m excited to mix things up a bit around here–and to be able to think a little better outside of the (mac ‘n cheese) box.

ready to tie on the apron,

mm

the list. (59)

2 Mar

With so many thoughts as of late about what is soon to come, I find myself making a mental checklist of what I hope life will include in the next few months and years. I’ve contemplated a “bucket list” for a long time, but now it seems as fitting as ever to finally put some of those intentions and aspirations to paper. I don’t want to miss a single opportunity to be the best mom and wife I’m able to be, but I also don’t want to lose pieces of myself (or my heart) in the transition to motherhood–and into what I know will be a very new and adaptation-filled segment of my life.

So I’m going to begin it here, today, with every expectation of adding to it and crossing a number of items off of it over the next five years. I don’t want to write a list that’s committed to the rest of my life, because in my head, that seems like a long time…and my priorities might change. In the meantime, this is where I’d like to start. It feels good to be getting it out. In no particular order:

1) Become a mom. (I know. This is an “easy ” one at this point. I feel like a mom already. But it’s been on my mental list, and it will be marvelous to check off. One of the greatest, most shaping experiences of my life, I’m certain.)

2) Give birth naturally. (Time will tell, and if I can’t for some reason, I’ll make my peace with it. 5 years gives me a few opportunities though, I suspect, and I’m really, really hopeful.)

3) Travel to Italy. Absolutely a must.

4) Write and publish a book. Also a must.

5) Organize every cabinet and drawer in our house, and be ruthless about getting rid of/donate what we no longer need.

6) Scrapbook/keep a baby book for each of our children.

7) See a musical on Broadway with Jason.

8) Take a mission trip as a family.

9) Journal regularly for a consistent period of time (not including the blog).

10) Hone my photography skills enough to be valuable.

11) Finalize my doula certification (hopefully Baby K’s birth will take care of this one!)

12) Assist the births of teen moms in the area who need support, and develop a local ministry.

13) Plant a successful and flourishing garden; build a compost.

14) Introduce each of our children to God’s creation through exploration, day trips, nature, prayer, conversation and exposure to new things daily.

15) Pray over/with our child/children every night.

16) Read something valuable as a daily routine.

17) Expand and further develop my blog.

18) Pay off my college loans. This is a HUGE one, but I know we’ll get there.

19) Cloth diaper. Successfully. :)

20) Return to Africa and/or India.

21) Take a gourmet cooking class.

22) Learn to make fondant and decorate a cake well.

23) Craft something worth selling.

24) Take sewing lessons from my mom; procure a sewing machine.

25) Visit with family as often as possible.

26) Host a Thanksgiving in our home for people who have nowhere else to celebrate.

27) Own an iPad. :)

28) Further develop my freelance portfolio.

29) Finish designing a baby nursery.

30) Watch 20 of the top 100 classic films of all time.

31) Read through the entire Bible.

32) Go on a cruise with Jason to somewhere warm and tropical.

33) Regularly support a missionary family.

34) Train for and successfully complete two more 1/2 marathons.

I am currently 28, but my 29th birthday will be here shortly after Baby K is born, which means that in 5 years I’ll be 34. So I’m starting this list with 34 items in honor of my 34th birthday and the personal goal I’m setting to accomplish each of these things in the next five years. I’ll probably keep adding to the list at random, but for now, this feels like a great start. And if some things don’t pan out, other things will…I’m just feeling ambitious and hopeful and glad to have more of this written down than I did before. Want to create a 5 year bucket list with me? Let’s inspire each other.

delighted by possibility,

mm

on love and royalty. (75)

14 Feb

It’s Valentine’s Day, and that means a few things, but first and foremost it means a night out with two of my greatest loves, Jason and the babe. We’re headed up to the Princess Diana exhibit at the GRAM, followed by dinner at Bombay Cuisine (since I couldn’t travel to India this time around, why not at least enjoy some of its finest fare locally, right?) Jason gets major points for suggesting the Diana exhibit, because I’ve wanted to go for a long time and it leaves town in two short days. I’m really looking forward to an evening out–especially one filled with such good things!

I’m not certain how I feel about Valentine’s Day landing on a Monday in general, but I’m definitely a fan of an unordinary date night. I’ve been delighted to have this waiting for me all day.

Where love is concerned, I have plenty to say about it :) Surprised? I won’t expound much here, because it’s almost time to leave for dinner, but what I will say is that my life feels so full of love these days it’s nearly bursting. I’ve never loved our little family more than I do today, and I’m overwhelmed to know that love will only continue to grow and flourish here as we look towards Spring and our new addition.

And royalty? Well, Princess Diana takes care of that one. I’ve always been a little enamored by her life and story, her elegance and beauty, and the history of the royal family in general. I’m really looking forward to learning more tonight as we view the exhibit, and grateful that Jason was willing to be the catalyst for our visit.

Whether you’re celebrating with a quiet evening at home or a night on the town…or even if you aren’t much one for the holiday, I hope you’re feeling both loved and royal today. Because you are, indeed.

spicing things up on Valentine’s Day (the curry, of course!),

mm

oh, fudge. (99)

21 Jan

A while back, Jason came home from work with a bright blue bag full of ice cream. And by full, I mean five, 1.75 Qt. containers, including Mackinac Island Fudge, Lake Affection (Ltd. Ed.), Orange Pineapple, Mint Chocolate Chip and French Vanilla–all from the local (and amazing) Hudsonville Ice Cream. I was around four months pregnant, and although I’d not once craved ice cream, I was pretty delighted by new additions to our freezer.

It’s fair to say, that even in the middle of this very chilly winter, we’ve been enjoying the wide variety of options here and there. Honestly, it feels a little luxurious. On the occasional evening when Jason heads to the kitchen for a bowl of Lake Affection or the like, I’ve been known to request a scoop of Orange Pineapple–the perfect bedtime solution to my recent citrus craving (which during the day looks more like grapefruit, water with lemon, lime tortilla chips, oranges, etc.) It seems a bit indulgent, but when there’s free ice cream showing up at your house, it’s hard to resist.

um. yes.

Today, Jason called around lunchtime and begged the question, “Guess what I have in the car?” I wouldn’t have guessed in the moment, but I’m sure you can–another glorious blue freezer bag and four more flavors to try: Sleeping Bear Dunes Bear Hug, Grand Traverse Bay Cherry Fudge, Peppermint Stick (Ltd. Ed.) and Cake Batter. A.W.E.S.O.M.E. It’s like a tour-de-Michigan, one scoop at a time. I happily made room for the new additions before he got home.

I don’t want to get into too much of a habit, expecting free ice cream at the ready and assuming I won’t pay a price for all of the bowls added up sometime later, but it is a nice treat. Jason and I have been connecting over ice cream since our dating days, so why stop now? Tonight as I write this, I just finished up one of the last servings of Mackinac Island Fudge (the chocolate, ribbon-y goodness is much too delightful to handle more than one scoop at a time). I’ve decided it’s the perfect way to end a frazzled week and a great entry point to an exciting (read: painting the nursery!) weekend. I’m so thankful for Jason’s noteworthy client, their generosity and their knack for creating some of the best ice cream I’ve ever had. I’m also thinking that if J’s going to keep having meetings, I might be interested in the investment of a deep freezer:) After all, I’d hate to waste such a sweet opportunity.

Curious about what flavor might become your new favorite? Check out their amazing variety here. If you already have a favorite, there’s always the option of liking them on Facebook–for the latest scoop on their latest scoop, of course!

spoons up!

mm

in case all of its deliciousness didn't come across the first time :)

merry christmas. love, the kehrers.

25 Dec

2010 marks the first year that we stayed home for Christmas in its entirety. We’ve both been away for two Christmases before, but there were thousands of miles between us and our families then, and being just on the other side of the lake and still not “home for the holidays” feels very different. Still, in our own way, we’ve celebrated Christmas together in our little house this year. We’ve pondered what next year will be like, and how very different the holidays will feel with a little one in our midst. We’ve been grateful, reflective, restful. We’ve missed people we love, and loved people we miss, and we’ll probably always look back on this particular holiday as “the one that felt quiet and calm.” (In moments, I think we’d agree it feels almost too calm, but we’re certain that a baby will change all of that :)

And a baby did. 2,010 years ago. It feels good to celebrate Christ with intention, no matter how the schedule looks, what we’re having for dinner, or who we’re having it with. And it feels personal to be here in this house on our last quiet Christmas as “just us.” As much as I have longed for the busyness of family and food and presents in the silent spaces of the day, I’m also grateful for rest and good food and the company of my husband as we soak in what the upcoming year will bring.

Tonight, we wish you all of the most delightful parts of Christmas–along with the peace that comes in embracing Christ and His presence in our lives at this time of year. We pray that you have had your fill–of food, of gifts and gift-giving, and most significantly, of a sense of place and belonging in and amongst the bustle of the holidays.

From our home to yours this evening…

oh, Christmas tree!

oh, Christmas tree :)

i love the house at Christmastime!

nativity. the very best part.

stockings! (and one for baby k, just for kicks:)

joy!

wintry dining room table.

thanks to the timer...family photo!

baby k at christmas. 22 weeks!

kruger, caught in the act. merry christmas, fella.

grace and peace, always.

mm, jmk, baby k and kruger :)

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