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progress revisited.

19 Feb

Seven months ago (minus one day :), I wrote the post below on the subject of progress. Tonight when I sat down to blog, amidst my fill of emotions on a challenging evening, I knew there were words I’d written before that would fit the bill to a T. This particular post was a good reminder for me about being intentional and making the most of what we’ve been given. I’ll share more soon about why this is so significant in the moment, but for now, I hope the refresher is as good for you as it was for me tonight. The part striking a chord most fittingly was this–

Love your heart out. Love until it hurts, until you’re exhausted and you can’t see straight. Love like tomorrow may not come, and then love even more when it does. Love so that everything [anyone] knows of you is filling up and bubbling over with joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control…Love. Oooooooh, it’s the very easiest and the very hardest thing to do at times. But it’s worth it.

Without further ado, progress:

“It’s in the little things. I used to think that moving forward meant huge strides or big, ginormous leaps into new territory, but sometimes (or most times) it’s the small, hard-to-notice steps that really make the biggest difference. This applies to so many things in life…the littlest prayer turns into a daily conversation with God, which turns into life change and spiritual wellness and world change if we let it. One first jog around the block becomes two, becomes miles, becomes a marathon. One day’s change in a piggy bank evolves into a dream vacation, a college fund, a downpayment on a house, savings. And all of the little steps we take to get to such monumental places in our lives are each significant in their own right. Without one step, how can we take two?

I’m thinking about this tonight as I ponder our new way of life with a little one, and as our conversations these days revolve around schedules, structure, finances, our future…Henry’s. When you have a baby, suddenly you think about his or her future more than your own. And life choices feel more significant because you’re making them for more than just you; for more than just you and your spouse and your future together for the next however many years. Now, I think about Henry and the generations after him. I think about things like diapers in landfills (insignificant in the grand, Kingdom scheme) and generational sin (HUGELY significant where the Kingdom’s concerned)–and everything in between. How will we afford what Henry needs on every level? Spiritually, emotionally, physically and mentally, financially? And what about his someday brothers or sisters? Whoa. There is serious significance to a good number of the decisions we make, and at just shy of three months old, Henry is making this more obvious to us than ever before. (Just one of the many reasons we’re meant to procreate and look after children, no?)

So these smallish steps we’re taking daily are baby steps for a reason. We have to relearn to navigate a lot of territory, for Henry’s sake, yes, but for our own as well. There are still plenty of priorities that stayed the same when Henry came along, but there’s a whole new set of priorities that are edging their way into the daily mix. Of utmost importance and at the top of the priority list? Love.

Love your heart out. Love until it hurts, until you’re exhausted and you can’t see straight. Love like tomorrow may not come, and then love even more when it does. Love so that everything this little person knows of you is filling up and bubbling over with joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. Love in your home so that there’s no question about where it comes from. Love God so that your little one(s) can see Him radiating through you into their lives. Love your spouse, inwardly and outwardly, in such a way that your tiny babe can SEE it between you and KNOW how secure a life he or she is living as part of a family. Love. Oooooooh, it’s the very easiest and the very hardest thing to do at times. But it’s worth it.

Every time we choose love over the alternative (whatever that may be in any case…exhaustion, laziness, disdain, frustration, sadness, emptiness, loneliness, forgetfulness, distraction, pain, naivety, hate, mistrust…), we take one step in the right direction. Not only the right direction for our little ones, but for our own hearts, our marriages, our friendships, and most especially, for our relationship with Christ. And that–no matter how many dishes are left dirty in the sink, no matter how many loads of laundry are left to do at the end of the day, is progress.

I want Henry to remember a mom who took care of things…one who cooked and cleaned and washed and kept things up so he felt provided for in as many ways as possible. But more than that, I want him to remember how I prayed. And I want him to remember–so well that he can grasp at any moment, for his whole lifetime, how I loved.”

processing,

mm

and my burden, light.

18 Feb

This is not the first time I’ve come to the blog at the end of the day and found this verse on my mind: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Mt. 11:28-30

After two emotionally challenging days, I need to be reminded. Not just for my own sake, though. There is comfort in knowing that this verse applies for anyone who will embrace it–dear friends, family, and strangers alike.

Come to me. A perfectly simple invitation. Come. Bring yourself. Bring the junk from your day, the mess you’ve made or the mess you’re in. Bring the hurts and the triumphs, the hard stuff, the stuff you can’t handle on your own. Just come.

All you who are weary and burdened. This is an all inclusive gig. No one gets left out here. Are you exhausted of something? Are you weary from the everyday, the routine, the rhythm? Or maybe the non-ordinary, super hard stuff? Can’t get something or someone off your mind or heart? Feel a bent towards righting an injustice or helping a complete stranger? Then this means you.

And I will give you rest. “I will,” Christ promises. Perhaps not eight hours of solid sleep or a king-sized bed, but real, valuable rest. Your spirit will be refreshed. You won’t run out of steam and have to give up. His grace will be sufficient for you. You heart will be well again. You will always have what you need, when you need it.

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart. Christ will be careful with you. Pursuing Him and leaning on Him will make anything easier–if you’ll let it. He will teach you how to focus on what he has shown you, training you to become more and more like Himself in the process.

And you will find rest for your souls. No, really. This is so important it’s stated twice. No one gets to be the energizer bunny without sufficient rest. When you lean into God, He gives you strength for the next step. And then the next. And the next. You don’t have to know how things will turn out in the end, because God already has you covered. He has written and is writing your story as you sit at your computer/read your phone this very minute.

For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Pursuing me, following my promptings, resting in my promises for your life, and opening up your hand to me to release your troubles into my care–these are all ways to experience my peace. Ask me for what you need. Share your heartache. Pray over and over again. Praise me in advance for what you’re trusting I will do. Go confidently in the direction I lead you. Leave your burdens with me, at the cross.

I am so thankful tonight for these promises from God, and for friends and family who become the Body of Christ around us when we need to be loved, reassured, prayed for, hugged tightly and encouraged in just the right moment. Things don’t always feel ok, or fair, or comprehensible. And we don’t get to have all of the answers, as much as we may want them. But we do know this: when we are weary or burdened and we ask for help, God will give us rest.

may it be so,

mm

this thing we do.

15 Feb

We spent a little time tonight watching videos from when Henry was just days and weeks old. I can’t believe that the teensy tiny baby on camera is the same child who keeps us moving at all times now, just seven, eight, nine months later. It’s a funny thing, being a parent at this stage. Nine + months doesn’t seem all that long ago, and of course we remember those first moments less than a year later. Right?

To some degree, I’d say. I do remember a lot about Henry’s birth and the days that followed, but I think there may have been a good portion that got tucked away behind the new parent haze and the major sleep deprivation that moved in with us when we got home from the hospital. Still, I loved it. Every minute of it. And tonight, watching snippets of our time as a very new family of three made my heart leap all over again. Sure, this gig is hard on a lot of days, but it’s the best job I’ve ever had. I know Jason would agree.

It’s amazing how much I find myself taken with every stage. A good friend has told me on multiple occasions that she’s loved every stage–and that they just get better and better. I admired the prospect of that possibility, but admittedly, I had a hard time believing it when I first set eyes on our little man–I was so in love. The longer I spent time with him as a newborn, the more I was convinced that there’d be little competition for how much my heart overflowed in that season. Not true. On Monday, when Henry said, “Hi!” for the first time while waving at a friend’s little girl, I was reminded just how much he is coming into his own–and how I love every single new change. This evening, when he said, “Buh Bye” while waving goodnight to friends, every bit of the mom in me lit up. More growth. More fun. More of something to celebrate as a parent.

At this stage of Hank’s development, every small thing feels like a big thing to me as his mama. In the same way that his first smile had me near tears in the nursery last Spring, Henry’s discoveries and new words, the connections he makes–and the ability to watch them happen, all bring me such great joy.

My friend was right. It just gets better and better. The day Henry came into our lives, I immediately loved our tiny baby boy more than I ever thought possible. I couldn’t describe just how good it felt then, and I can’t tonight. We are loving every stage as Hank’s parents. How could we not!?

making the days count,

mm

love is.

14 Feb

A handwritten note. A home cooked meal. A gentle voice. A prayer spoken. It’s an anonymous blessing, a purposeful act. It is filled with good intention.

Love is a back rub. It’s a task checked off your list by someone else, so you can step a little lighter. It’s a reminder that everything is going to be ok. It’s not easily contained.

Love weathers the unexpected. Is tireless. Fearless. Limitless. It induces hope.

Love is a nursing mother in the middle of the night. It’s a hard working father, providing for his family. It’s a child, clamoring to learn anything that will bring a smile, draw attention, result in praise. It is ingrained in us, and either nurtured in us or squelched in us from before we even enter the world.

Love might be a sacrifice of time, energy, resources, comfort, familiarity, belongings, words, hurt, addiction, quiet, space, basic needs, or temporary gratification. It is almost always a sacrifice of self, almost always calls us to a better version of ourselves than we’ve been before.

Love seeks justice, truth, forgiveness, reconciliation, restitution, resolution when possible, peace. It does not always seek equality, nor does it compromise Truth for the sake of making things easier or more comfortable. Love faces the hard things head on. Love leans on Truth in order that others might know it more deeply. Love never gives up.

Love is what you’re able to summon from your heart when you know who the world’s greatest Love is and when you accept what He made available for all of humankind. For that weird guy across the street. For the prisoner. For the prostitute. For the downcast and the outcast and the unloveable. For you.

LOVE is a four letter word, yes. And it’s something we celebrate on February 14th each year. But before and after it is these things or anything else, it is Christ on a cross, dying in my place–in your place, for sins He never committed, so that we might live in freedom through Him.

Love doesn’t just win, folks. Love IS. Alive, available, something you don’t have to wait for to possess. You only have to say yes to the greatest proposal in the history of creation. God is romancing each of us, if only we let Him.

love. today and every day,

mm

eats, smiles and reads.

12 Feb

Henry really knows how to start the day out on the right foot–with a healthy breakfast and a good book, of course!

And when my morning begins with this smiling face looking back at me, my day is usually off on the right foot, too :)

one lucky mama,

mm

rest.

11 Feb

Taking a little break from the blog this evening in the interest of a very long night’s sleep…

hope you all tuck in well tonight, too :)

mm

somewhere else.

9 Feb

We all have moments from time to time when everything else stands still–when something in the everyday sparks a distant thought, hope, remembrance, curiosity, sadness or joy. I suppose I don’t know this for certain, but I presume that it’s true. There are things in life that can evoke deep, striking, vivid imaginations or memories in an instant, and in my own life, I believe that God has used such fleeting thoughts to move my heart. When they happen, I’m always left thinking more clearly than I was before. And it’s rare that I don’t carry these real, evocative moments around with me for the rest of the day…or days…sometimes weeks.

Most often, mine occur out of doors, when the light of the day, the haze on the sky, a smell in the air, or the precise crispness of morning bring me back to places I’ve loved: Africa, Australia, India, any given beach, a vacation, spaces I’ve called home for a season. But sometimes, like today, they take place in the inbetween: in a very quiet moment when the lists and to-dos and commitments have all stood still–when I’m simply living the exact thing God has intended for my life in that space and time.

I rocked Henry in and out of sleep this afternoon as he settled down from a full on cry and into a dreamy, sighing place in my arms. Cradling his sweet head in one hand, his little body tucked tightly to my chest, I whispered, “It’s ok, baby. It’s ok. Shusssh. Everything’s ok…” and I was completely struck. Somewhere else in the world, a dark skinned mama cradled her dark skinned baby, shushing him or her to sleep as she rocked, everything within her wanting just to make it all ok. She acted out of an identical set of instincts, desires and emotions, the same hopes and aspirations and sense of protection I was feeling in that moment. She gathered up all that she had in her–weary and worried, wondering about the next hours or days ahead of her–begging God for help, and loving out of everything she could offer at the same time.

I say that she was dark-skinned, because in this time-stopping moment in the nursery with Henry, she was. She was huddled in a small shack, dressed in worn, but still colorful clothing, lit only by the sun streaming through cracks in the structure above her. She was desperate, trying. She had shut out the grim reality of life just outside her own walls and instead, focused on the one thing God had tasked her with in the moment. A baby. Her baby. An entirely different set of circumstances than my own, and somehow, the same.

Hours later, I don’t yet understand why I needed, in that moment, to feel the burden of another young mother, comforting her babe. I don’t think it was simply so I could recognize that as moms, we’re not doing this alone. God comforts me to that end in friendship and fellowship on an almost daily basis. There was far more to it than that. I ached at the idea of this mother, longing desperately to console a child who lacked significantly more than sleep. I wanted there to be more than just a thought–I wanted to do something. I don’t know who she is. I don’t know where she is. But I know she matters to God, and I know that there are countless others like her.

I’m burdened to share this tonight because I don’t want to forget. God is always tugging at my heart in some way or another, and on days like today, when it feels so tangible and purposeful, I want desperately to preserve what I’ve seen or thought so I can continue to make the connections in my life. What is it that God is after in me? What does He want me to pursue? Be passionate about? Ache over? Certainly, the hearts of mothers who are struggling to do the very best with what they have, even when what they have (by worldly standards) is next to nothing. Certainly those who are isolated, alone, fighting for basic human needs and the lives of their children. What does God to do in me? Through me? Through this?

And what does God want to do through you?

I could have written all of this in a private journal, I know. And it would have been there for all time for me to go back to and re-read if I ever got around to it. But I sat down at the keyboard tonight, unsure of what I had to say, and this is what came out. Something bigger than who I am–bigger than I can entirely explain. We all have our something bigger, our someone, our somewhere else. And I am convinced that God wants to use each of us to do something significant. Not small, not quiet. SIGNIFICANT. As is big. Really, really big. The kinds of things that change lives…eternities. I marvel at the possibilities of what God will do.

If you’re the praying kind, and you read this tonight (or tomorrow, or next week, or next year), will you take a minute to pray for me? Will you ask God on my behalf to keep showing up, to keep making the burden apparent, to keep moving me towards the things I’m supposed to be about? I am praying that for you. Where two or more are gathered, no?

opening my hands up,

mm

scout: an addendum.

7 Feb

So last night, Henry created his top ten list (with a little help) and made it public. Today, he was nearly devastated to realize that he’d neglected to include one very important and must have item–his pal, Scout. Scout joined us on Christmas morning, and his sing-songy, upbeat, familiar personality has become daily entertainment for the whole family. Not only does Scout plug into our computer to add new and dynamic numbers to his impressive repertoire, he also knows Henry’s NAME. This is big time. I wish you could see the look on Henry’s face every time Scout says, “Henry?!” with more of a question in his tone than an exclamation. We joke that Henry will forever introduce himself as “Henry?!” as he grows up, but it’s endearing and adorable and sweet nonetheless. HD can be busy with any other toy in the room, but when Scout gets going, all eyes are on him. We’ve memorized the songs and sing them around the house as if they’ve topped the charts. Best $20 some odd we spent this Christmas season.

Currently, Scout’s favorite animal is a cheetah. His favorite color is green, and his favorite food is “yogurt!” But of course that’s all subject to change. Scout will grow with Henry over the next 2+ years, which we think is pretty neat. And best of all, he’s a puppy. An adorable, green puppy with an irresistible personality and the cutest hiccups and puppy barks a stuffed animal could ever muster.

So there you have it. The top eleven list. Who has a top eleven list? Henry does. Because Scout really is something special. Trust us.

on hank’s behalf :),

mm

the new top ten.

6 Feb

I was inspired today by this post, which brought me back to this post from eight and half months ago. At the time, Henry was just shy of a month old–his preferences, newborn and tiny. Not so these days, as our crawling, cruising, chatty little man makes his opinions clear and well known in this neck of the woods. He is bolder by the day, and we love him for it. Henry’s new list is 80% revised and comes with nine times the experience. He’d never admit it, but he’s quite the seasoned reviewer by now ;)

In no particular order, the list:

1) Sophie the Giraffe. Where he goes, she goes. Sophie is Henry’s lovey to date, if he has one. We never leave home without her, and although her spots have faded, Henry lights up at first glance every time. Perhaps its her cultured and well-traveled background he’s so drawn to…now 50 years in the making, Sophie is still traditionally produced in Rumilly, in the Haute-Savoie Region of France, and made from 100% natural rubber derived from the sap of the Hevea Tree. Comment magnifique!

2) Baby Einstein’s Take Along Tunes. A favorite even before he could change the songs himself, Henry has an affinity for his Take Along Tunes. This toy (I should say, these, because we deemed it worthy of a backup) has bought us countless hours of peace and quiet while traveling. The songs themselves are relatively catchy and manageable to the parental ear, and the flashing (disco-like) lights seem to engage young minds in a way I’m far less able to tolerate at the old age of 29. The batteries on our first unit are just now wearing out, and the second is still going strong. Thank you, Baby Einstein, for a most perfect diversion. Henry loves you, and so do we.

3) Puffs!!! As Henry will be the first to attest, puffs are amazing. They’re the perfect snack for any time of day, great on the go, and easy to clean up. Not to mention the fact that they’re excellent practice when little ones are first rehearsing manual dexterity. Gotta love that pincher grasp! I still get a kick out of watching HD eat them, even months after their introduction. Such pudgy little fingers…such a guiltless way to buy time with a hungry boy. These Happy Baby Organic Puffs are our absolute favorite. There’s always a canister or two somewhere in the house.

4) The Ergo. I had no idea how particular a baby could be about a baby carrier. I had grandiose visions of swaddling Henry and wearing his cute little self everywhere we went when he was small, but he was on an entirely different plan. No Moby, no K’Tan, no slings, no Infantino. I liked them all and wanted so badly for one to work, but alas. That is, until we picked up the Ergo. This baby carrier redeemed the glimmering hope I’d once had of hands-free baby-wearing bliss. Henry protested a bit at first, but with a little determination and a number of trips up and down the block to experiment close to home, he finally made peace with the Ergo. We love it, how well it wears, how supportive it is for both mom (short!) and dad (not short!), how it looks, feels, adjusts. You get the idea. The Ergo Baby Infant Insert was also helpful when H was small, and we still sometimes use the cushion without the shell to boost him up for comfort. It’s a win-win for everyone involved.

5) Sassy Seat Doorway Jumper. A household favorite indeed. Henry jumps his little heart out and our hands are free. We’ve found it especially useful on nights when the tired in our boy just won’t make an appearance, when we’re still eating dinner and he’s ready for action, and when it’s too close to bedtime for a nap and not quite close enough to call it a day. Somehow, its bouncy, springy, bright, and buggy self does the trick in all three scenarios, and for this, we’re grateful. Very definitely worth looking at in the doorway of our living room on a daily basis. Trade offs, you know?

6) Bugaboo Frog Stroller. Making its second appearance on just as many lists, the Bugaboo was a Craigslist dream come true pre-baby, and it’s still going strong. It jockeyed with a B.O.B.for a bit (which almost stole the title for its running stroller capabilities), but we have to admit that the Bugaboo has fought hard and strong for spot numero uno in our book. Could be the cozy and oh-so-warm foot muff at this time of year, or the fact that we’re all a bit too sentimental to pick another favorite since it’s been with us from the start. Regardless, Henry gives it two adorable thumbs up. He’s snug as a bug in his Bugaboo, and we love that.

7) That’s Not My Bunny (and other similar titles). Henry wants to read this book daily. He will find it anywhere in the nursery and turn the pages over and over. We’ve since procured That’s Not My Dinosaur and have several others in the queue. (That’s Not My Puppy will have to make an appearance here shortly.) Could be the touchy-feely aspect, with great tactile variety page after page, or it could just be Usborne. There’s not a single Usborne book we’ve encountered to date that we don’t all absolutely love. “It’s ears are SO soft!…”

8) The Boppy(s). A tried and true friend to both mom and baby, Henry and I have spent many-an-hour enjoying all that it has to offer. Since Henry’s first top ten debuted, we’ve borrowed a second Boppy from a friend to eliminate the need to transport said Boppy from one floor to the other and back again with every feeding. Genius, I tell you. I’m not a proponent of excess with the exception of a handful of areas in life, and this would be one of them. At some point, we’ll bite the bullet and just purchase a second one of our own. With more babies (hopefully) on the way someday, it just plain makes sense.

9) Pediped shoes. We couldn’t help but love these for Henry, so he’s been in them over the past few months even though he hasn’t grown his sea legs in their entirety just yet. They are just too darn cute on his little feet, they’re easy to clean, and they’re perfect as Hank transitions from crawling to standing to walking. They go with nearly everything in his wardrobe, which makes his mama happy, and best of all according to Henry, they’re a delight to chew on. Yuck. You can’t win them all as a parent, we suppose. At least they’re adorable…

10) California Baby Calendula Cream and Burt’s Bees Baby Bee Nourishing Lotion (in Calming). Ok, so we’re cheating a little here and grouping skincare as one item on the list, but I’ve had a number of moms ask me what we use for Henry’s skin, and the above is our favorite combination to date. The Calendula Cream is a little bit pricey (most affordable at your local Target:), but lasts forever and works like a charm. We use it on Henry’s cheeks when they get chapped and on any tiny eczema patches when we see them. Applied consistently, it heals spots right up with all natural ingredients (and it has the yummiest smell to boot!). As an alternative to oft-recommended steroidal creams for baby eczema, I was thrilled to discover this option worked for our bug. As a daily body lotion, we love the above-mentioned Burt’s Bees Nourishing Lotion. 99.9% natural, it packs a moisturizing punch, smells sweetly, and comes in at nearly half the price of comparable all natural baby lotions (still flying under the radar with a very minimal number of synthetic and/or processed ingredients). I don’t feel guilty spending a little more to feel comfortable with what we’re applying daily to the munchkin’s skin. And since we added these two  to our regimen, Henry is nearly eczema free and rarely dry. What’s not to love?

We’ve come a long way from the newborn napper and bouncer that once held coveted spots on Henry’s top ten list. Instead, we’re now embracing noisier toys, books, and finger foods, just as a nine month old should. Undoubtedly, the list will morph again quickly as we approach a first birthday, the Summer months, learning to walk and run and liven things up even more. There are other items, too, that didn’t make the cut but could have–so many products we appreciate as parents that make the task of raising a little one oh-so-much more manageable on a daily basis. While it can be overwhelming to make choices when you want the absolute best for your child “no matter what,” we’ve learned that the very best item for our babe can sometimes be the free one we were handed down, an item we borrowed, something we made, or the exact opposite of what we thought would be absolutely perfect before we tried it. Regardless, Henry is happy and healthy, changing and learning at a wonderful, steady pace. Top ten or no top ten, we are lucky, lucky, lucky and growing ever more so by the day.

from our little reviewer to yours,

mm (& co.)

henry’s pickle face.

4 Feb

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Gosh, I love him! (And believe it or not, he absolutely loved the pickle:)

don’t know where he gets it from…the face or the love of pickles ;)

mm

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