As with any new experience, I am learning day by day here in the midst of growing baby #2…the last time I did this, it was just me and the mister and one big black pup. We’re not in Kansas anymore here, people 😉 The first time around, I ran my errands whenever it was convenient, plotted out new details for the nursery in any free moment of the day. I cleaned and got the house in order on my days off, grabbed a table at my favorite coffee shop when I needed to take inventory of life, and watched my belly expand like one might watch water coming to a boil–anxiously, expectantly, and with great intent on the end result. The process felt slower and more deliberate the first time around. Life kept moving then, sure, but these days, it’s spinning at a much faster (and dare I say busier) pace.

I knew that getting pregnant again would lead to new lessons and challenges with a toddler in the mix. I’ve watched a number of amazing moms weather the season of child bearing with other little ones in tow, and I’ve witnessed ample grace in so many of them. I’ve marveled and dreamt and wondered how it would be for me one day, and now that we’re here, I’m both delighted and nervous at the same time.

I trust that God gives us what we can handle, when we can handle it. I love being Henry’s mama, and I know without a doubt that I’m going to love being mama to H’s little brother or sister, too. It isn’t rocket science, certainly, to mother two children. A majority of moms do it every day, and I realize this. But I always just feel such a responsibility to parent well–not to miss any of the important things, to be present when my kids need me, to be engaged and engaging. None of us can do this perfectly or all of the time. In my mind, I’m just wrestling with being as consistent after the baby is born as I’ve tried so hard to be with H until now.

The Button already has a place in our lives, in our home, and most certainly in our hearts. And as he or she grows, the imprint that this little one is leaving on our family will certainly grow, too. It’s a beautiful thing, how God moves us to expand our abilities to love and nurture and parent in the exact right timing. I’m not quite ready yet, because there’s still a bit of time left between now and August. I should know by now that when the time comes, my heart will grow like the Grinch’s did–a few sizes that day. And like mine and the mister’s, Henry’s will, too. We’ll all be richer and more complete for the journey. I will learn to mother “two,” and hopefully someday, even more than that if God permits.

and oh my, will there ever be so much love–even on the days when i feel like i’ve missed the mark. there will be love in abundance, indeed. it’s good to be sure of that.

mm