Before I begin, can I just say that I really wanted to title this post–Forget Walmart: People of Meijer Take the Cake? But maybe that would have been pushing it.

If you have been grocery shopping with a two year old, you know what a blessing and a curse the task can be. There are all kinds of wonderful moments of discovery: matchbox cars, the produce section, the FISH, mommy!!! And then there are all of the ways that shopping on your own (and perhaps especially when six months pregnant), seems like it might have been the better route to take. Today was a great reminder of why shopping at 11pm isn’t such a bad idea. For various reasons. I’ll start with the interesting lady in the breakfast food aisle who decided to chat with my little chap.

Lady to H: “Ooooh, when are you going to be a big brother?!”

H: “Hi!”

Me with a smile: “In August :)”

Lady: “Oh. Wow. You’re awfully BIG for August!”

Ok. For starters, thank you. Thank you lady I’ve never seen before for absolutely making my day. Are you serious? Are you a real person? And have you had children? (I know the answer is yes, because you preceded to talk to me about your 12 year old “baby” for the next five minutes.) So you might know that telling a woman (who is six months pregnant and headed into her third trimester in the heat of Summer) that she is awfully BIG is probably not the most encouraging thing. Also. I’m 5’1″. That’s not really changing, so as it turns out, my kiddos (as I’m growing them to be fully complete human beings inside. of. my. belly.) have to grow outward. My ribs and skeleton are just not giving them much of an option to lay vertically (and invisibly) along my spine. Just saying.

So yesterday, I was feeling pretty great about this belly that was really just mostly belly, and today, I’m feeling like a freak of nature. What in the world will people say when I’m grocery shopping come July? I can hardly wait to tell you all about it! (End Meijer rant number one.)

Meijer delight of the day #2:

So I’m strolling down another aisle with Henry when he decides to practice his new spitting technique in the direction of another shopper. Awesome. She doesn’t actually notice, but to make my parental/disciplinary point to H, I tell him he needs to apologize. Brilliant. This is the part where he apologizes to the woman, and then as we’re walking away says with gusto and drama, “I’m sorry, big man!” Um, yeah. How do you explain to your two year old that A) We don’t refer to other people by their size, and B) That it was in fact a woman you were talking to…after spitting at her. If a sink hole had appeared in the middle of the grocery store in that moment, you can bet I would have searched it out and jumped right in. Oh, Henry. I love you and your verbal nature, but buddy…could you throw your “awfully big” pregnant mother a bone here?

Meijer delight of the day numero tres:

We’re in the checkout lane when Henry decides to make friends with the incredibly shy and quiet cashier, who happens to be about two feet taller than I am. And he says to her: “Hey, red woman! Hey, red kid! I have a great big head!!!” Dear, dear, dear. Have I not explained to you before that we don’t refer to others by the color of their shirts? (Although a sensible conclusion at your age.) And that a woman is a woman–or even a lady, but not a kid? And that I’m super thankful that you said, “I have,” when I know you meant something else? And that you’re a stinkin’ riot, even though I have no idea how to follow your act sometimes?  In line just two people behind me, a friend had the amazing opportunity to witness these antics at the end of my already frazzled and harrowing shopping trip. If it hadn’t been for her camaraderie and understanding in the moment, I might have left without a bag or two, or forgotten to pay, or flipped out a little. Who knows. It was clearly not my day to get groceries.

Meijer shopping trip delight part four:

On the drive home, I stopped at a four way stop–at the exact same time as the person directly opposite me. Being that her vehicle was completely bashed in on the front left side, I did not see her broken turn signal flashing to indicate she’d be turning left. Whether or not I would have had the right of way in this case (see DMV driver’s training book for details), I made my way into the intersection, as it appeared my company was also going to be driving straight ahead. WRONG. My Meijer adventure was rounded out nicely as expletives flew at me from the driver’s side window of said damaged vehicle. Thank goodness my worth is built on far more than the opinion of a terrible driver. Yikes. And I hope H didn’t hear…It is a wonder your car is missing its front end, awesome lady? Should I even call you a lady?

So there you have it. Another humorous, enlightening, and uplifting trip to Meijer for the books. I don’t know what it is about the belly, but it sure does seem to bring out the best in others (and certainly the best in hormonal stability on this end;). Pregnancy, I truly do love you. I love everything about you. Except the “attract all kinds of crazy and keep it coming” part. But I digress. Permission to speak freely? Granted. At least for today 😉

recovering on the couch with this beautiful big belly,

mm