Almost a third of the way through this 100 day challenge, tonight I’m hard pressed to find more than a few words to share. Do you ever just have one of those days where a conversation doesn’t go the way you’d hoped or planned it would in your head? That was me today, and I walked away feeling defeated, and somehow buying into a few of the fear-based ideas that were tossed my way. I presumed the discussion would be uplifting, which perhaps was my own mistake. But either way, I’ve spent the rest of the day battling a fifteen minute exchange that left me upended and undone.

It wasn’t the end of the world, really. Just two people expressing contrasting ideas and a less than favorable outcome. The weight and delivery of words can be so important, because what you’re saying and what you mean might come across as two different things (as was probably the case this afternoon). Unless you know your audience well (and they, in turn, know you), I’m not sure it’s wise to take too many sarcastic liberties–especially when the topic is one you’re obviously both passionate about. I’m a somewhat sarcastic person by nature, but as I realize more and more how bitter a taste sarcasm can leave, I’m trying to eliminate it from my communication wherever possible. It’s a challenging change to make.

At any rate, I have no idea if the other person even thought a thing of our word volley today (and it’s ok if they didn’t), but it left me reeling. I felt defensive and protective, misunderstood and misheard, disregarded, and suddenly in a category I didn’t want to join. My boldness somewhat backfired, and I’ll have to figure out how my next approach will be different in hopes to elicit a different kind of response. I think we were both trying to protect our side of things, and there’s nothing wrong there. I can’t walk around uneasy about it for very long though, so I need to find a way to get back to my own heart and what I know to be true–and quickly. There’s much more to focus on, and a light at the end of the tunnel that I’m hoping to reach with as much positivity and strength as possible. I’m not sure there’s a whole lot of room for emotional fender benders along the way.

doing my best to shake it tonight. grateful for a mama who listened well and quelled my fears with rational wisdom. a sounding board who loves you and knows your heart is never a bad thing at the end of a day like today.

we’ll try again tomorrow. it will be wonderful wednesday, after all.

mm