There’s a point at which I’ve exhausted a conversation (and/or myself) such that I’m truly just out of things to say. As is the case tonight, after another day of processing what I was reeling about yesterday and still not feeling any great sense of resolution or direction. I can tell I’m going to have to be patient with this one–to allow it to run it’s course; to trust most substantially in our Creator and the Sustainer of the Universe…and of me.

This is a hard practice, but a good lesson.

God is in control and I am not. I don’t have much more than that to offer this evening. This should be utterly reassuring to me, but in my humanity, I’m being honest and saying that I really don’t love feeling out of control. I don’t know many who do. I’m hoping to overcome this in some small way, and soon.

I came across this today, and it pretty much sums up where I hope to rest tonight and in the days ahead. Here’s what I do know in the interim:

I know that I rocked my oldest baby almost to sleep tonight singing songs per his request, and that this new little bundle in my belly is active and moving around like crazy, painting invisible watercolor artwork on my insides right now. I know that we’re all home in the little blue house, that tomorrow will come no matter what, that the dishes in the sink will obligingly keep until I have the energy to get to them in the morning. I know that I am blessed and covered by a God who loves me unconditionally and without reservation. These truths are good and whole and make my disappointment and frustration fade a bit into the background if I try hard to swallow them both down.

Tomorrow may not be Wonderful Wednesday, but it is another fresh start and a shot at clearing my head a little more to push through the muck and mire.

to striking a balance, standing with confidence, and facing opposition with grace and courage…

mm