It’s not news to me that my heart will, in many ways, share itself in the very near days to come. Until now, Henry has had me all to himself, every day. So I face the same dilemma all mamas do when they expand their kiddo count from one to two…and I’m only a little nervous about it.

When I say “a little,” that’s really what I mean. I’m not sitting awake at night thinking about it or talking with numerous friends about how I’ll cope. I’m just acknowledging that this upcoming paradigm shift will make its mark as it happens, and that it’s ok to be a little uneasy about what that means for Henry’s heart as well as my own.

I’ve tried to be so careful as we prep for baby. It’s easy to say, “this is for baby,” “that’s baby’s,” “when the baby comes…” and I know that H is not oblivious to the adjustments happening all around him. He has embraced so much of this transition time so beautifully–I couldn’t ask for more from a two year old. But we’re all feeling the growing pains in different ways, and Henry’s way (I think) is to express himself with a good deal of volume when he’s frustrated. I’m fairly sure it’s his way of being certain he’s heard (which feels like reasonable behavior for a two year old system of rationale). We are hearing him loud and clear, and working painstakingly to make him feel heard (without allowing the tantrum-esque quality of his occasional lashing out to get out of hand).

As mama to both of these kiddos, I feel the heart tug that takes place. I know I’ll love this next sweet babe just as much as I do Henry, but differently. To meet this little one will most certainly be to fall in love all over again with our precious bundle–the same as we did when H arrived and for a long time after. It’s a grand and growing season for all of us. Hopefully, the gift of a sibling and the joy of having a baby around will negate some of the tension Henry is feeling as of late. We are so excited for him to be a big brother!

When the day comes, Henry will be the first to meet this little one…just as soon as we can get settled and get him there. I catch myself daydreaming about that moment–when he first holds the Button and takes him or her in. He has already promised to help by counting fingers and toes for me:) Surely we’ll take crazy amounts of photos and video, and Henry will be at the center of it all–just as we want him to be. And when we get home with the tiny little bundle we’re looking so forward to, H will no doubt make an excellent baby whisperer and partner in crime, even if there are a few growing pains to get out of the way first.

loving these two, their dad, and what it means for all of us to be family, together.

mm