Hey Buddy,

I know you won’t read this now, but maybe you’ll find it someday when you’re older…when you have a young boy of your own, perhaps, or when you’re preparing to welcome baby number two into your world from the dad side of things. This has been an awesome and hard season for you, little man. You are no doubt as excited as a two year old might be about becoming a big brother, but the changes taking shape in our family are clearly having a challenging impact on you as well. I’m sorry. I don’t know how to do this better for you than we’re already trying to: showering as much love and attention on you as we can afford and working hard to explain and involve you in this baby process as much as possible.

This weekend you helped your daddy put up a baby gate on the nursery (to keep the pup out, of course:), and you were so proud of your efforts and contribution. Today as we were playing catch, you told me you would share your ball with baby, and I was so proud instead. I thought earlier on that maybe you knew something we didn’t…you’ve been singing “Happy Birthday” to the baby all day, and you asked me to “tell her it’s her birthday today” more than once. You could still be right that the Button is a baby girl, but unless he or she makes a freight train kind of entrance in the next hour and a half, today will (sadly) not be baby’s birthday. I would love it if you would keep guessing and singing, anyway. It’s really quite endearing and sweet.

Today was a very long day for both of us, and I feel like you’re lashing out a bit as things change. I wish this weren’t the case, although I understand it as best I can. I hope we can work together over the next number of weeks to help you feel at home and at peace. I promise that baby brother or sister will be one of the best gifts I can give you in the long run.

So, clever, charming, animated, energetic, frustrated, lovable, wonderful, curious, kind boy, this is to say that I love you with my whole heart. You are not losing anything more than some lap time with mommy as you gain a sibling. I hope that over the months to come, you stop feeling the growing pains as much and start feeling the joy that comes with a constant playmate, a partner in crime, and a live-in best friend. You are going to be a great leader and caretaker for this little baby on the way. He or she is already quite blessed to call you brother! I can’t wait for you both to meet, to see you snuggle him or her for the first time, to show the pride you feel as you care for and help and pray over baby. I have no doubt you will.

i love you forever and ever and ever, and nothing will ever change that. i hope somewhere in your two year old heart, you can comprehend just a bit of how much we treasure and adore you.

xo, your mama