I suppose I didn’t figure I’d have so much time. Daily I envision going into labor, and then I tuck that vision down into the folds of the day and do my best to plan out a course of activities and distractions that will make the most of the unplanned time God is giving. When I really think about it, I’m grateful for all of the little moments I didn’t count on just to be safe. I’m thankful to hug H with his sibling still tucked in my belly. Thankful not to juggle car playing or story time or any of the rest of his routine with a new, new baby. I want this little one here with us so badly, and yet, there’s a lot of beauty in these waning days as mama to one.

I’ve shared this before and I’ll share it again, as it’s still on my heart this week…still part of the process for me with baby no. 2. My impatience has been a battle. I have to work hard at pressing into God regularly to summon what I need for strength. And maybe it sounds trite or silly, but what it comes down to is my desire to give this whole thing my best shot–to give these days my best self, and this pregnancy my best attitude, and this labor and delivery my best strength. In all of it, I’m also desperately wanting to honor God. I’ve wondered how I do that with moments of ingratitude or frustration filtering in. Today, it seems obvious.

This morning I woke up with an absolute craving to go to church. I’ve been thinking back to Easter morning the day my labor started with Henry, and I still remember being so grateful that God allowed me time to celebrate Christ’s death and resurrection that morning–amongst our church body and the beautiful worship setting that was created there that day. I was so refreshed by that space, and I know it prepared my heart for what God was bringing into our lives in the hours ahead. A posture of worship was exactly what I needed.

It turns out that a posture of worship is often what I need, and this morning proved no exception. As I lifted my voice to God today, everything else went silent. The troubles of the day, my apprehensions and worries. All I could feel was an overwhelming sense of gratitude for the life filling up my belly, for the God I serve who has provided this celebratory season, and for the gift to worship freely as loud as I could sing. I’m certainly more emotional these days than normal, but the tears that flowed as I sang were purely out of a place of unbelievable joy. I could have stayed in that space for hours.

This evening we attended outdoor baptism, and celebrated with over 40 people who made a public declaration of their faith as the perfect summer day blessed us with sunshine and blue skies and a cooling breeze. Coming together as a body of believers–to worship in song and through prayer and baptism, was the perfect way to extend this morning’s worship. It was also a great reminder again of how God surrounds us with His love in every moment. Even in the waiting and the expectant, impatient hope, there is so much peace just praising God for what He’s doing inside of me, who He has created, and how He has ordained the days of this baby’s life. I’m so blessed to cling steadfastly to this truth while I battle my selfish desires and honest discomforts.

I can’t help but think about how pregnancy (and a pregnant belly) is a great analogy for the truth we understand through scripture in 2 Corinthians 4.16-18, that “we do not lose heart. Thought outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”

Isn’t that a beautiful reality? And in this waiting stage of the game, I am leaning in so as to not lose heart. Why? Because this pregnancy gig is a light and momentary thing, and because the long term impact of this season can be so glorious in the long term. When I put down my human impatience and selfish desires to meet this baby ASAP, I can see all of the goodness that God is affording me with His timeline. Who would know better? God, or me? I think the answer is in the peace I find when I set my sights on Him…when I press in with all that I have to what He has for me. When I worship, unabashedly and enthusiastically and with sincere joy. There is so much more of a gift in the waiting than I could realize now. But in time…

praising all that is good and holy about this process. and trusting God.

mm