This afternoon, Henry and I gathered supplies at the table and started wrapping a package for Daddy for Christmas. It was sweet to watch H’s little fingers pull tape, his little hands use scissors to cut paper. I asked if he wanted some music on, and we picked out Christmas carols on iTunes to put ourselves in a gift-wrapping mood.

Maybe it sounds picturesque, and for the moment, it was. A quiet space in the middle of Sunday for wrapping presents with my little guy. The pride on his face when he put the last piece of tape on a box, and added his handwritten gift tag to the front. The music playing. The fact that there are gifts to wrap at all.

My faithful gift wrapping buddy.

These snippets of time that shape our hearts toward Christmas are beautiful and good. I’m trying to be intentional to carve out time for more of them–to do at least one thing with our family that feels in keeping with the spirit of the season, every day. But the few minutes I described above are only a few minutes. They don’t shape the whole day, and they don’t always reflect my Christmas-weighted heart.

I think I’ve talked with at least one person every day this past week who is feeling the squeeze of the holidays just like I am, even though none of us wants to be feeling it at all.

Have to get the shopping done.

Have to get the packages in the mail.

Have to address one million Christmas cards.

Have to get the dog to the groomer.

Have to do the grocery shopping.

And these are only some of the “have to’s,” all coming from those of us who don’t “have to” figure out how to put food on the table tomorrow, let alone presents under the tree by the end of the week.

The squeeze of the holidays is not avoidable at every turn, even if we want it to be.

I’ve asked myself hundreds of times over in the past three weeks, “Molly, what does it actually mean to live out a ‘graceful’ month of December?” I can tell you that I’ve been utterly imperfect at handling everything with grace since December rolled around. I am not very graceful when I’m trying to rush the kids out the door to the next obligation–least of all, when we’re running behind and it’s actually my fault. I’m not very graceful when I’m saying “no” to one of the kids one more time because my to do list is long and I’ve “just got to get things done.” Nope. Those moments do not feel graceful at all.

What does feel graceful are the times when I stop the amped up soundtrack of Christmas that the world is playing, and I trade it out for carols at the table, wrapping presents with Henry instead.

Graceful this month is the very same as graceful every other month of the year, with a little extra twist and challenge. I still have to choose it intentionally if I want to meet it face to face. Arguably, I picked the very best and the absolute worst time of year to decide to blog every single night. I look up from my computer screen and see piles of things I “have to” get done. But then I remember, I didn’t really pick this at all. It picked me, and I happened to say yes. So many great joys have come from a simple yes to the right kind of thing for my heart in this Christmas season.

I know when I’ve said yes to the right things, because joy always comes pouring out of them eventually. 

Last night and this morning, I had the privilege of just soaking in worship and music and rhythm in celebration of Christmas with family and dear friends. It was like hitting the reset button on my Christmas heart all over again. It is so necessary for us to take time to really focus on why we’re celebrating what we celebrate in December every year. Even if I have to recalibrate on a daily or weekly basis right now, I love that worship, prayer and fellowship always bring me back to a place of focusing on the Child in the manger and the reason that He came. In these moments, His peace becomes the Christmas soundtrack my heart has needed, and I can get back to the things that graceful living is all about.

Does your Christmas season have a soundtrack? This year? Always? Is it beautiful and peaceful to listen to, or is it strenuous and grating?

Sometimes we just need to change the station, to rest in what we can trust about Christmas arriving, to say yes to the kinds of moments that bring joy instead of stress or strain. At least, I do.

If you’d benefit from a little dose of joy tonight, I’m linking this recording of the most amazing rendition of O Holy Night…it moved me to tears last night and this morning, and I hope it will bless your Christmas heart, too.

love…and a thrill of hope,

molly madonna