I turned 34 a few weeks ago. It wasn’t a milestone birthday, but it definitely felt like a bigger jump than other birthdays before it. This is at least in part because I’m growing a belly right now while a lot of my friends are entering into a different phase of parenting and life. Many have sold their baby things or have sworn off maternity clothes for the rest of forever. I celebrate the new stages of parenting they’re approaching, just as I celebrate the one we’re about to begin again. It’s just different this time, not being quite as young and not playing the baby shower circuit on the weekends.

Truth be told, I loved that season of life–when we were all having our first babies and completely green and starry-eyed at parenting. Sometimes we’re still all starry-eyed at parenting, but there’s that settling in that happens after a while, as life parenting a newborn for the first time shifts swiftly into new and different territory.

It’s been long enough since giving birth to Eloise that I feel new at certain things again this time around. I’ve forgotten a lot about how it feels to be pregnant in different stages, and, while I know age changes things for a pregnant mama, I’m consistently surprised by the number of surprises pregnancy affords me in the day to day. It’s old hat, and it’s new again.

The greatest difference this time is simple, but significant. Carrying this baby as we near the third trimester, I realize that I’m absolutely pregnant in my own skin. Mentally, I know how I hope things will go. My to do lists are robust, but far more relaxed. There’s not much rushing around, but instead I’m feeling settled in.

There are plenty of changes to come, sure. And I know I can’t control much of anything, really. But I can envision baby’s birthday and my previous experiences…how Jason and I will work together to welcome baby, and how we’ll share the news with the kids in that sweet, sweet space in time that you never, ever want to forget. Visualizing the beauty surrounding labor and birth gives me such fodder for the weeks to come. Like training for a marathon, I have heart goals and mental goals and physical ones between now and then, and keeping my eye on the finish line (or starting line, maybe?) will offer me stamina and determination along the way.

I had a few rare hours to myself this afternoon, and as I walked around downtown with baby in tow, I had time to think about how this season feels like exactly where I’m supposed to be. The sense of peace I have about welcoming a new life into our family is more than good. It’s life-giving and heart-settling and joyful in the very best ways.

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Little one, I am beyond excited to know you and to see who you will be. Your place in our family is ready and waiting, and when the time comes, we’ll all be so grateful to have you here with us. Keep kicking and growing, and I’ll keep plugging along out here. You’re right where you belong, sweet baby, and I have the sure feeling that I am, too.

praying over your life and heart as you snuggle up near mine,

your mama