Dear Frazzled Mama,

I know that you saw me out and about earlier with my five and almost-three year old, and this baby bump in tow, toting our healthy, packed lunches, smiles on, perfectly ready for a stress free time at the splash pad. I know my kids both laid out their towels nicely and ate their lunches without incident. I know I didn’t look overly sweaty or disheveled, and that all appeared as tidy as can be in my corner of the mothering world this afternoon. No one slipped and fell, got hurt, started a fight, or whined terribly at any point. For that two hour anomaly of time today, WOW, did I get lucky!

Maybe you were still around to hear the chaos that ensued in the bathroom as we were trying to leave: my eldest slipping on wet tile, both kids talking in unrelenting baby voices and shouting over the hand dryer, and then me, begging them to “Please. Just. Stop. Arguing. And for the love of all that is holy, DO NOT put your mouth on the sink!” as I grabbed all of our sticky, hot things and tried to pull myself together before stepping back out into the light of day.

You probably didn’t hear that part there in the bathroom, but I just thought you should know…

Behind closed doors, I was a complete mess today.

The fact that we actually made it to the splash pad was semi-miraculous in itself, since I *almost* closed myself in a room just to cool off before 9am this morning. Breakfast was a battle. Neither kiddo wanted to eat their food, but each wanted a snack ten minutes later. Neither wanted to stop playing to get dressed, or to brush his or her teeth without making it an ordeal, but both wanted to “GO TO THE SPLASH PAD RIGHT NOW!”

After tossing and turning last night in a fun mix of too hot, need to pee, super hungry, can’t turn over without a human shoe horn, I think I woke up today with maybe two hours of sleep under my belt, which meant that I was in prime shape to face all of the normal events of the day with grace. Or not. I didn’t. Try as I might, I couldn’t.

All day long I felt raw and short and undeservingly harsh with my kids, and I didn’t do a good job of breathing deeply and stepping back in a lot of moments.

Today I was actually the “Hurry up!” “Let’s go!” “Seriously?” “If I have to tell you one more time…” “Could you guys PLEASE STOP SHOUTING?!” version of myself that I’m really not proud of. I might have gotten lunch right, but from sun up to sun down, that’s about all that felt like a win.

Through tears, I put my husband on notice of the status of things on his way home from work.

I let our three year old shout into the monitor for a long while at nap time before addressing her need for (insert 20 random objects here), because I just didn’t have it in me to talk over the shouting one more time.

I turned down playing LEGOS, even when our eldest handed me “the good guy, because [I] always have to play the bad guy and it’s [my] turn to be the good guy instead.”

I made random food for dinner.

When all was said and done, one of our children still told me that I was probably the best mom he knew, and that he loved me SO much. Whew. The other followed up in all of her three year old honesty, “I wish that I wuved you,” with her head shaking. “You don’t love me?” I asked her, to which she replied, “I don’t wuv you wite now.”

It’s tough being the kid sometimes, just like it’s tough some days being the mom.

We sorted things out a bit before bedtime, as we do, but it was clear from all angles that today was not the best day for anyone here in the little blue house. It’s ok that this is true, but it’s still super hard when you want to get it right and you feel like you’ve failed, which is where I’m sitting right now.

If you’re feeling frayed tonight, as I am, just know that no amount of “pulling it all together” for one part of the day means that any of us has the rest of life perfectly ordered. Maybe there’s a mama out there who is just a rock star at everything she does, all of the time, but I’ve got really amazing mama friends, and not a single one has mentioned to me that she feels like she has it all together, ever.

In fact, most mamas I know are just trying to make it through these stages of change and growth while keeping everyone alive, fed, and safe. The playdates and summer camps and fun activities out and about are major efforts–really beautiful, self-sacrificing ones that our children love and benefit from, but that most often look like a few “Hurry ups!” and “Seriouslys!” along the way.

None of us is perfect.

And I’m discovering more and more that when I hold myself to a standard of perfection or unattainable expectations, I feel more like a failure and less like the mama who loves her kids to the ends of the earth that I really am. Maybe that’s true for you, too?

The messes, the running lates, the PB&Js for the fifth time this week? They’re going to survive them all, our kiddos will. They’re resilient like that.

And the days when I show up somewhere looking like I’ve *maybe* got it all together that day? Yeah, I don’t. Might just be a good day is all. Might just be a good hour. Could be a fleeting moment where the stars aligned and I was feeling good about the status of things right then and there. But we’re all going through the messes, too, and I could lead the pack. Not the mothering accolade I was going for when I first became a mom, but you know…

Someone’s got to be the frazzled one, and today it was me. Maybe it was you, too. Way to hang in there like a champ and make it through the day, and way to be gearing up again for a new day tomorrow. Truly.

grace to your mama heart tonight, and grace to mine. tomorrow is a clean slate. and there’s so much to be said for a good do-over.

molly madonna