“Something has changed within me, something is not the same. I’m through with playing by the rules of someone else’s game. Too late for second-guessing, too late to go back to sleep…It’s time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap!” -Defying Gravity, Wicked

September, I like you already. Every year you are full of promise, and every year, you bring about change. Already, not 24 hours in, you are hopeful and moving forward, your reputation of harvest welling up in the air, in the orchards, and tucked away inside this rounded belly of mine.

***

I so love how God has ordered our lives in this way, that each of our babies has come in a month and season that feels exactly right for who they are and how they fit into our world and family. I expect this little September babe to be no different.

Henry was most definitely a bountiful, colorful spring after a long and wearing winter. He brought life into our family, and drew me out of myself and into a world of growth and hope. He was a breath of fresh air for all of us.

Eloise arrived in the heat of the summer–fast and determined and full of vigor. Her entrance into our family was celebratory and almost easy going, and although she also has a serious, thoughtful side, she is lighthearted and go with the flow and all kinds of sunshine.

This baby tucked away right now has been so mysterious to me in ways, but he or she is becoming a settling child who has challenged me to push through hardships to discover the sweet–who most certainly represents a harvest season for me mentally, emotionally and spiritually as my faith stretches and grows. God planted a seed in my heart about this precious life long ago, and to think that it is coming forth so soon is a little surreal.

Precious babe at 36 weeks.

Like autumn arriving on the heels of summertime, there is a bittersweetness in saying goodbye to generous time and undeserved freedoms and carefree adventures. But when we trade summer for fall, we also trade lack of routine for stability; we trade the warmth of the sun for the coziness of settling in. And maybe trade is the wrong word altogether, because in any case, autumn trails summer so beautifully, and everyone seems ready for its syncopation when it gets here.

This baby bean is keeping time for me, bringing me so gracefully toward change in ways I’ve not even realized until now. And suddenly, with a due date within reach and this pregnancy winding down, I feel like I can say “yes” to what’s coming without the reservations that had previously held me down.

***

After weeks of praying, turning myself upside down (literally and figuratively), chiropractic adjustments and not-so-comfortable massages multiple times a week, summersaults and handstands in the pool, bouncing on an exercise ball each night, always laying on my left side, bags of frozen peas on my belly, shining flashlights to get baby’s attention, and doing my very best not to worry but worrying anyway, I went to the doctor today to discover that baby has indeed settled into a vertex position. Of course there is still time for moving around again, but I am confident that we are on our way to the type of birth I have prayed for and dreamed of for so long.

Speaking life and truth over this baby and pregnancy, my heart and mind have shifted in these past few weeks. Instead of hanging on challenging stories and what ifs and best possible outcomes in scenarios that leave me unsettled, I have finally been able to open up my hands and dive into trusting the Creator who entrusted this life to me in the first place.

I have no doubt that all of my physical shenanigans to attempt a baby flip have helped in their own way, but credit goes to God answering prayer and ordering my body in the way that He designed it to work. He has been pursuing my heart in a major way, and I have (once again) been on a journey of letting go and shedding my unbelief in exchange for peace and trust that His word is true and His ways are best. (If only I could hold onto that lesson in every life circumstance and not need to relearn it every time!)

There are so many unknowns in this lifetime–and in pregnancy, as with all things. We dance on the edge of assuredness and joy, contrasted with feelings of curiosity and sometimes, doubt, as we navigate so much we cannot see.

If pregnancy is not about faith in a higher power and miraculous things taking shape every single day within us, I don’t know what is. And God has given us authority here on earth to take ownership of our greatest, deepest desires and hopes through His Word and through prayer, and then offers us the privilege of glorifying Him when our hearts find peace and our arms cradle new life.

The harvest is plenty. Welcome, sweet September and all you will bring.

changed,

mm