Mother’s Day. A day for all kinds of feelings to come to the surface. Jason and the kiddos gifted me with some time to myself this afternoon, and I’m grateful. No doubt I’m feeling all of the feelings today.

I just scrolled through IG, and posts run the gamut—celebrations of motherhood from every angle—sensitive posts acknowledging all of the women who are missing their mamas today or longing to be called mama themselves, photos of beautiful babies who are dreams and miracles come true, amazing women I feel so privileged to do life alongside.

I wanted to write the perfect, thoughtful post, but as much as I love words, I don’t have the right ones to offer today.

I understand both sides of the coin as best as I’m able, and based on my personal experience. That’s the very best I can do. Today, I celebrate the three incredible babies who have made me a mom—visibly—this side of Heaven. And I also celebrate and miss and remember the three sweet babies I never had the joy of mothering here on earth. Six lives that all matter equally to me. Six lives that matter equally to God.

To the world, we are a busy family of five with three healthy children, living the dream. I don’t take it for granted, these precious lives entrusted to us—not for one day. And I am so, so thankful for all that God has done. Yet, my heart knows the ache of longing, too. The reality of life here on earth is that we experience pain and loss right along with joy and abundant graces, and they’re not mutually exclusive.

I miss our three who aren’t here with us. I do. And the only thing that can fix the deep ache in me as their mama is to keep my eyes fixed on God, who bears the burden right with me and offers joy to replace what has been lost.

Mother’s Day. It looks different to each one of us. There’s no perfect path to motherhood—not in a fallen world. It’s OK that we wrestle with this, and even that we wrestle with God over it at times. He is a perfect Father who longs to meet us where we are—expectant, broken, hopeful, discouraged, barren or quiver full.

Longing for our heavenly three while I do my best to love our living three well, it brings me to the feet of my Father daily. This is a gift sometimes cloaked in confusion or ache, but a gift all the same. The longer I trust that God’s story for me is better than the one I could write on my own, the closer I draw to the healing hem of Christ, who heals my mother heart through the Father’s heart little by little, again and again.

Happy Mother’s Day to every mama heart today. God put this longing inside of us for a reason, and it wasn’t by mistake. I pray that He will continue to reveal Himself to each of us in ways that allow us to live into our hearts and callings with great joy and the fullness of His peace.

much love,

mm