Tiny babe,

This world you’re coming into can be worrisome around every corner if you let it. The news rages each day with something new–something fear-inducing or morale-crushing or downright heartbreaking. People forget to be gentle with themselves, and consequently it seems, they forget to be gentle with others, too. In spite of all this, it’s a beautiful place, I promise. But we can only live in a reality of beauty if we look for the good and celebrate it, and if we push back untruth and pray like our lives depend on it (spoiler alert: they do) and turn off the dang news.

I took a hiatus from all mainstream media in January, and it’s been the best medicine for my heart. I found that the level of worry I was carrying felt all too much–and especially with you growing inside. There’s just not room for added anxiety in an already anxiety-ridden world; I needed to be able to breathe deeply, to push out unnecessary mental strain, to savor peace wherever it crossed my path. I needed to know I was doing my best by you, and the news was not helping my cause, so I gave it up. It isn’t that I was devouring media before then, but more that I’d let stories and opinions creep into my days by accident. There they’d take hold and leave me ruminating more than necessary, so it was just time to call it quits. And you know what? I really haven’t looked back. It turns out that the news I need to know finds its way to me, and the rest runs through it’s cycle while I’m focused on the impact I can make in the here and now…in the world I’m most likely to influence, which is the one directly around me.

I don’t know what to expect things will look like when you’re someday old enough to process how the world is moving even as you stand right in the middle of it. Surely, those of us old enough to work through the happenings of the past year are still trying to figure out which end is up. And yet, we move forward, as humans always do. The option (as I see it) is to put one foot in front of the other, to pray for discernment and peace, and to trust that nothing we come across is a surprise to God. Meanwhile, we surely can savor the good in our midst–usually the simplest, most stripped down moments, the kindnesses, the minutes or hours we’re handed to reflect, worship, become better versions of ourselves than we once were. I’m no good at this on my own, but we serve a very compassionate and gracious God who will guide us in this way if we let Him. I pray you’ll come to know Him in as personal a way as He’s allowed me to meet Him, and then even more.

You are still so tiny and growing, and this is all beyond your scope of understanding now, by years, even. But someday I hope you’ll come across these entries and be reminded that there is good waiting for you, whether or not you have to go looking for it. If you do have to go looking for it, it is by all means worth the pursuit. And when God shows you a little bit more of Himself through His kindnesses to you (in a sunrise, in a hot cup of tea, in a hug from a friend, in a song that makes you cry because the words are perfect and they meet you right where you are), know that His creativity and goodness know no bounds. Forget what the world says then. Turn the volume waayyyy down on the commotion and blanket yourself in what is true: You are loved. You are wanted. You are enough. Nothing is a surprise to God and nothing is too big for him either. Your troubles are never too much for Him, and neither are you. Savor the good right in front of you then, sweet baby. And be at peace.

Love you with my whole heart,

Mama