Wednesday was a respite for me and I’m so thankful, because lately, the rest of the days have each brought a new level of hard. I think it matters to just be real about the state of things, whether or not we’re talking with one friend or sharing more publicly, like I do in seasons here. Hard isn’t the same as bad, but it’s still stretching and wearing sometimes, right?

I’m awfully tired tonight. Not just physically, but in every sense of the word. The days have been go, go, go, and I’m not up to my usual pace. Mentally, this game of wading through the weeks has me spinning a little, even though I truly do love being pregnant and consider this 40 week span an amazing adventure.

I guess the reality is, there’s room for both joy and exhaustion. There has to be, because I’m carrying both. My belly feels entirely full of baby, so much so that I really can’t bend at the waist at all without major discomfort. I don’t remember feeling this way at this point with previous pregnancies, and it’s ok, but it’s just an added challenge. I’ll bend for as long as I can, but then when I need to ask for help, it can be so humbling…and I struggle with doing it.

We’re journeying though interesting territory, especially with still-young kiddos. Everyone’s used to me moving at a good clip and taking care of a lot more than I can right now, and it still seems like a shock to some (after many weeks) when I express my need for extra hands or for someone to take over something I’d normally do. Maybe it’s just their ages, or maybe I need to figure out how to manage expectations differently, but its as though I’m asking people to move mountains instead of library books, boulders instead of personal effects. I feel like I’m running into the same brick wall more times than I’d like to count.

Tonight didn’t end well, mostly on account of me not having more bandwidth for the same disciplinary hiccups we’ve faced multiple times over here. Hard. Just extra rough on a day that was already a little frayed around the edges.

As we do, we’ll hope to wake up in the morning able to pray with gratitude for another day and new mercies in it. We’ll start again. I’ll attempt to keep my heart, mind, and spirit in check, and hopefully I can. There are so many factors playing in, and many I can’t control. I know my attitude isn’t one of those, so I’ll try again to be upbeat and positive and encouraged/encouraging. If you’re reading this and also the praying type, I’d be so grateful for your prayers of protection over the joy and kindness in our home, over our littlest babe growing, and over my physical self as I face different idiosyncrasies this pregnancy that I’ve not had (or at least not had this soon) before.

Headed to bed and needing it so much tonight. I’ve never craved closing my eyes as much as I do lately.

MM