Today is starting out on a strange foot for the middle-end of June and the first day of summer…the weather shifted last night from warm and humid to gusty and rainy with a hint of chill on the air. Falling asleep to rain and thunder was lovely last night, and this morning, it feels more like early autumn than summertime. I love a good reason to open up the whole house and can’t get enough of the breeze coming through the windows.

Last night’s rest was intermittent at best, as more and more nights have become lately. I lay in bed longer in hopes of more sleep, but it’s mostly a shifting/rearranging/move the pillows around again sort of dynamic that’s not entirely my favorite. I love the reason for it, but then I wish I could sneak in a nap all the next day long. On a sleepy-ish Monday when the sky is cloudy and there are still signs of last night’s rain everywhere, this feels especially compelling, but not today.

This morning I headed to the hospital to have a heart monitor put on for the next 24 hours…one could argue a casualty of my “advanced maternal age,” etc. My heart has flip-flopped all over the place for the last weeks and months–not constantly, but enough times per day to be concerning, so the monitor and I will be friends as best as possible until tomorrow. This is not a big deal really, and I’m glad to have things checked out I guess, but for some reason all of the cords and stickers are discouraging; I’ll be happy to remove and return the device when it’s time.

These days are a roller coaster of emotions and thoughts that I’m trying to ride with grace and take in stride. I can go to bed in one space and wake up feeling completely different. While I’m aiming to be glass-half-full about so much, a rough night’s sleep or the tumultuous nature of moods around here can really challenge efforts to be cheerful and positive. Added things, like illness or scratchy heart monitor nodes, just kind of get under the surface enough to be nagging, and then I’m working hard to battle discouragement and choose joy.

I’m sure I’m not alone in this. Even while my circumstances are in so many ways beautiful, I’m still human. And still growing a human in this ever-stretching belly that for some reason, the world feels at liberty to talk about and analyze. Props to those who are only encouraging and lovely about it. I’d like to teach a class on propriety to the rest, because yes, I’m sure it’s not twins, and no, I’m not unsure about my due date, which is still weeks away. Sometimes I’m just really surprised at the lack of filters in the land, you know?

So there we have it. Another Monday in the books and this odd summer shaping up and continuing to be, well, odd. Our older two have science camp this week and I’m grateful that they’ll have all kinds of stimulation and fun with energetic college students who are not 31.5 weeks pregnant. Ha. And C and I will have some time just the two of us, which is always good for both of our hearts. That’s a wonderful bonus this week, for sure. Meanwhile, I’m enjoying having extra hours in each day as we take a break from homeschooling for E and daily school runs for the boys. It’s amazing what eliminating daily driving will do for a schedule!

Wrestling the good and the hard today, as I’m sure is evident. The balance feels healthy, in that it’s not all just coasting but work on exercising joy and choosing positivity as much as possible.

Pacing myself today,

MM