38 weeks. 38 weeks! And we’re all biding our time around here and coping with waiting in different ways. There are a lot of emotions flying around our house. The kids are all a bit more antsy, a bit more cranky, a bit more wild. The convergence of the end of summer, start of the school year, a birthday and baby’s due date all in a few short weeks is palpable. We all weather the roller coaster really well together one minute, and the next, Jason and I are looking at each other with expressions that say, “What on earth?” and “Get me out of here,” and “What’s our next move?” on a very regular basis. Everyone needs a little more peace, and that’s hard to arrive at when you’re ten and under, mom is way pregnant and your siblings are always finding ways to compete, irritate, frustrate or otherwise stir the pot.

Regardless of any new challenges, our kids are amazing. We love them with everything we’ve got and then some. But they’re weary and we’re weary and it’s a perfect storm of feelings at all hours of the day. I can’t decide if it sounds better to keep this baby tucked away for a bit more or to have our little one here so everyone can start settling into a new normal. Maybe it’s good that I don’t get to decide.

All of the tension and whining and irritation among them aside, these kids are resilient. And their sweet sides come out daily, and certainly, all is not lost. The way that they’ve each come around me in different moments is so beautiful. E is always aware of my need ahead of me…she anticipates what I’ll ask for, what I’ll reach for, what I shouldn’t try to do, and then she jumps to do it or offers to do it for me. I know she’s tired of me asking for help sometimes, but generally, she’s a cheerful giver. She models love in action. She is grace to me every day. H has been my heavy lifter this pregnancy. He willingly moved all of the baby bins in and out of the storage room while J was working so I didn’t have to try. H might grumble about a good bit, but he’ll also engage C in a long stretch of playing LEGOS so I can rest, he’ll come along on grocery trips to help me load bags in and out of the car, and I know he’s watching closely to make sure I’m doing OK.

C is coping with things in an especially lovely, albeit sometimes emotional, way. He comes to find me every morning and showers me with encouragement and compliments all the way through breakfast. He follows me around the house reminding me that he loves me, hugs the baby all throughout the day and in moments, just snuggles right up close without words. If someone sits next to me, he’s suddenly right nearby asking for their seat because, “Hey, I was going to sit next to Mama.” But perhaps most endearing is that he has a few new phrases on repeat whenever it’s just the two of us…”You’re the best, Mom,” “I love you infinity times a thousand plus one,” or my very, very favorite, “I love the way God made you.” That’s the latest, and I can’t say how much of a boon it is to my spirit that our little one would even know to say something like that, let alone that he would say it to me in random sweet moments.

These kids are wearing their emotions on their sleeves, but they’re also sharing a lot of themselves that’s really stretching and moving and good. I’m so thankful for this family God has designed for us. I know we don’t know who this next little baby will be, but I’m sure that they will be welcomed into the mix here with so much love and enthusiasm and joy that it will all make perfect sense…like it’s the way it’s always been. To promote our crew to new levels of big brother/s and big sister status will be such a joy, and soon, soon, soon.

MM