In English, the German word zwischen translates to “between.” Midwife Jana Studelska wrote about the time of zwischen in reference to “the time of in between, where the opening begins” in pregnancy. As she puts it, “Giving it a name gives it dimension, an experience closer to wonder than endurance.” I absolutely loved her explanation of this time before a mama goes into labor and brings forth her baby–reading it today made me feel seen, normal, understood.

This is definitely a time of in between for me, and while familiar, it’s been distinctly different and set apart in its own ways from the times I’ve experienced before. Every baby has his or her own way of entering the world. Just as in labor and birth, I’m sure no two in between times are exactly alike. This makes me think about all of the details that God attends to in order to see His creation come forward…”Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you. Before you were born, I set you apart.” (Jeremiah 1.5) Even in the smallest moments, the plans God has for each one of us are purposeful and personalized.

Studelska describes the time of zwischen as a space of discomfort and tension, vulnerability and openness–something both biological and spiritual. It is a place where an expectant mother is “not going into battle, but she is going to the edge of her being where every resource she has will be called on to assist in this journey.” I feel this through and through right now, and it’s so lovely to read someone else’s words to put to this time that’s hard to articulate. I love her intention to give expectant mamas “permission to follow the instinctual gravitational pulls that are at work within them, just as real and necessary as labor.” This sentiment feels so astute and healthy and good.

In this time of waiting for me, I feel every bit of the middle ground between this season of life and the next. Changes are coming, and really, happening so tangibly all around me though they might not be obvious to everyone else. They shouldn’t be. It would be strange to share all of the feelings I’m having even if they were plain as day apparent. Instead, there’s some kind of balance between sharing to be understood, feeling misunderstood, knowing other mamas remember, too, and can recall their own times of in between, and knowing no one else can be exactly in this space with me. It’s welcoming as I look to God for His help and presence now, and lonely as I attempt to wander somehow present through these days where I feel like I’m in my own little world with this babe.

The time of zwischen. It’s tender and necessary, beautiful and delicate, in the world, but in ways, not of it. Years from now, I hope I’ll remember what this feels like and be mindful of the in between for other mamas who are in their own betweens and waiting. It’s a sacred, tender time I think we’re meant to embrace and walk through as graciously as we can, while offering ourselves all of the kindnesses we’re able in the process.

Zwischen,

MM