MollyMadonna.com

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Today in Haiku(s). (79)

Always more to do / Errands with the kids in tow / Nesting in full force

Eighty degrees plus / Third summertime pregnancy / Blast the car A/C

Appetite is strange / Nothing sounds good so I eat / Food to check a box

Naptime after lunch / Mom sleeps while the littles play / Not so little now

Work meeting outside / Vitamin D for days, please / New projects to start

School pickup once more / Tomorrow summer arrives / Half day, then freedom

Still feeling dizzy / “Drink lots of water and rest” / Not my pace at all

Family time at night / Two more chapters of rabbits / Adventure awaits!

Long after bedtime / The littlest still dances / “Let’s keep Mom awake!” 🙂

MM

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Abundance. (80)

I’m not sure where to begin about today. It was so rich with unexpected kindnesses and sweetness that I’m just sitting here so humbled tonight. Today I turned 39. Even that mere fact feels like a giant gift. 39 years on this earth and 39 years to grow into more of who I’m called to become…the importance of not taking days for granted is not lost on me, and I am thankful for every one.

On the heels of last night’s not feeling well, I woke up this morning still needing to shake off some of my dis-ease and worry. I hadn’t slept incredibly well, and I could feel the weight of things hanging onto the start of a new day. This wasn’t how I hoped to send out 38, or how I would have picked to welcome 39, either. But I knew I needed to choose optimism to shift the course of the day, and I really wanted to be able to enjoy it. Praying with H on the way to school was the catalyst; gratitude has a way of sneaking beyond the haze and clearing up my perspective time and again. Good thing, because I was in curmudgeon mode, and I surely didn’t want to take everyone else with me.

As the day unfolded, so many moments and little delights crossed my path that I didn’t see coming. I was mostly ok with my very grown up birthday falling on an average Wednesday and calling it at that, but God is so generous and kind. J blew up sixty balloons into an arch decoration for the fireplace, and his efforts greeted me this morning when I came down the stairs. Friends stopped by, and our brief-ish visit set everyone’s moods on a better course. What’s more, every time I think about our kiddos running around the yard with their friends this morning, my heart could burst a bit. It was a long-awaited visit that happened on the perfect day and fed all of our souls in the best way possible.

From there, lunch with another friend outside, with the sun on all of our faces on this incredible weather day…a planned meetup, but without set expectations that turned out to be more goodness for all of our hearts. By the time we arrived at school pick up, there had just been moment after moment to be grateful for all day long. Connections with friends and family. Sweet messages and packages in the mail with homemade greetings and drawings. Our kiddos each giving me some of their own money, tucked into beautiful handmade cards “so that I could get myself something for my birthday.” The total sum? $4.44, and just enough to buy a coffee sometime or to bring a few flowers home from the market. (I attempted to give it back, but they insisted.) An envelope filled with hug coupons from our crew…and the list goes on. It truly wasn’t the gifts at all today, but the thoughtfulness behind each one that made me feel like the luckiest 39 year old on the planet.

Tonight we drove a few towns over to try out a beautiful market for dinner and to find ice cream to enjoy along the water as the kids admired boats in the marina. J found a sweet little (easy) spot to head down to the beach afterwards, where the kids collected rocks to their delight, running along the sand and jumping on logs and skipping stones into the water. The sun wasn’t quite close to setting, but the sky was putting on a color show the whole time. When C announced as we all piled back into the car that, “this was the BEST birthday day ever!” I couldn’t have agreed more. Having almost zero expectations meant that the whole day unfolded with surprise and grace abundant. I feel so undeserving, and yet, I can 100% celebrate God’s goodness and generosity and kindness to me in every aspect. Our littlest babe bumping around in my belly tonight is the perfect cap on all things–the reassurance that all is well and the beauty of dreaming about who our honeybee will become…it’s all overwhelming in the best ways.

I’m capturing this all here because I don’t want to forget it, not a bit. Tomorrow will come and likely bring with it its own highs and lows, and that’s just fine. Sometimes you need red letter day to get you over a hurdle and onto the next thing, and today felt like that to me. It’s so healthy to be reminded of all of the good, and to be able to savor new memories with the people we love. My heart didn’t know how much it needed the opportunity.

Maybe today isn’t any indication of the year ahead, or maybe it is. Regardless, I have felt God’s presence near today. His grace covering over me, His mercies falling thick. I never want to forget that there are days like this, or to mistake “normal” days as insignificant. They all add up to these years we’re living and trying to live well. Abundance, no doubt.

MM

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Kick Counts. (81)

Little one,

We’ve had a day, you and I. Maybe I overdid it this weekend (someday you can ask me if I’m still struggling with being still), but there have been a lot of strange moments for us physically today. I suppose there’s no great need to go into the details here. I did end up calling the on-call doctor tonight, and since you’re back to moving around a bit better (good thing this isn’t my first rodeo and I’m familiar with the tricks of the trade), my instructions are to take it easy or take a nap, to get a good night’s rest and to keep monitoring your movement. That’s usually not an issue with you, sweet one.

I hope you’re just taking it easy in there after a few busy days. If anything can make me take pause, it’s knowing that I need to rest for your sake sometimes. And I am praying over you always and asking God to protect you and keep you healthy and strong. I know that’s the very best thing I can do (besides slow down). Someday I’ll teach you about prayer and what it means and why it’s so powerfully important. Besides those roundhouse kicks of yours, prayer will be your greatest defense in this life. It might even be your superpower if you let it. 😉

I love you with my whole heart, just as I do your brothers and sister. There’s nothing I won’t do for you, so you can stay tucked inside and happy for awhile longer knowing that I’ve got your best interest at heart from here, ok?

Rest well tonight, sweet baby. You are one of my greatest joys.

MM

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Growing (People and Vegetables These Days, but Mostly People). (82)

We planted our garden this weekend, since the late, possible frost warnings have now passed and the forecast is looking warm and promising. It wasn’t exactly a matter of simply putting plants in the ground, but rather removing the old, rotting garden box left here from long before our time, digging out a bigger plot, re-working the irrigation setup, building the garden box for our new raised bed, filling in layers of cardboard, compost and soil, and then doing the gratifying work of planting the actual plants, labeling and admiring a weekend’s good work. I’d love to take credit for all of the above, and E and I sure did help, but Jason wins the Green Thumb award for this go-around, especially since removing the old garden box involved pulling out two foot ribar posts and digging out old remnants of wood buried deep from long ago. (I really could only provide moral support for that part). I’ll add that there was a heap of a lot of compost/dirt/mulch hauling that I also had no part in. Rake it? Sure! Move it in giant wheelbarrows full down the hill? Not so much these days. As C would say, “Teamwork makes the dream work! High five!”

While J was busy with garden things I couldn’t do, I repainted the front door and windows because the turquoise-y blue they’ve been since we moved here was just feeling a bit tired. Their new color feels warmer and much more “us,” and will look especially warm once I get to painting the other blue-ish items on the front of the house. We’re in search of the right house numbers to swap out for the current set (recommendations, welcome), and light fixtures will be changed out soon. I can’t say how great it feels to be making this place more our own all of the time!

Back to gardening…once we had the box in and filled with all the necessary layers, planting was so life-giving. There’s something to it when activities in my external world correspond with things happening mentally/emotionally/spiritually for me, so naturally, planting things to grow feels right on par for this season. E and I both love getting our hands in dirt and turning something blah into something beautiful, which makes the speed of planting pots and containers so gratifying. In addition to the veggies and flowers in the garden (peas, a few tomato varieties, red and yellow peppers, pickling and burpless cucumbers, carrots, marigolds and yarrow), we planted a few pots of herbs, romaine and chives for the deck (hopefully we’ll be spared of bunnies eating our lettuce this way). E had a flower garden last year and wanted to keep it up for this year, so we planted straw flowers, zinnias, celosia, bee and butterfly mix, and a few gomphrena in pots to grow near the garden bed. We thought we’d also try out blueberries this year after wanting to grow them for awhile, so there are two sweet little bushes coloring up the east side of the garden, too. It’s not a giant plot, but it feels so promising and hopeful as we turn the page on June tomorrow. Living things just bring so much joy!

Now that things are in the ground and/or potted, we’ll hope we can keep them all alive and thriving through the warmer months. I’m so thankful for the soaker hose hookup in the raised bed, and for a seven year old who loves taking care of plants as much as I do. It was even possible to involve the eldest and youngest in the effort with things that interested them the most. For H, spreading mulch and planting carrots were his jam, and for C, “building” the garden bed and digging were the biggest draws. As much as we’ll all enjoy the “fruits” of our labor, it was really the best when everyone was outside working/playing together.

I can’t say I’m moving around with as much agility as I would normally, but mostly, the bump comes along for the ride. I hope that all of the extra movement/exercise this weekend will ultimately be to our babe’s benefit. No doubt the extra salads will be! And certainly the delight of planting and enjoying our work has a payoff to it as well. I am a more peaceful mama when we tackle projects and get things accomplished (even if an exhausted one). I know I teeter on the edge of “too much” all too often, and I’m still working on somehow embracing the concept of stillness in this calendar year. I think on the days when physical stillness isn’t at the forefront for me, I’m still working on an internal stillness that is growing and taking root in good ways. I hope so.

Lastly for today, we let our little butterflies go tonight just before dinner. They fluttered around the front flower garden for a few minutes, bringing a few bonus moments of joy to our crew before bidding us all farewell. “Little Caterpillar,” “Wiggles,” “Weedle,” “Bon Bon,” and “name still TBD” all had a good run here, and I hope they’ll all find purpose in their few weeks of life out in the world. Goodness knows they chose a great time of year to be born!

For all the growth and change and beauty happening in this place these days, I am abundantly grateful. There is so much good cropping up all around.

MM

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Laughing So Hard it Hurts. (83)

Twice today I found myself laughing to the point of tears, and twice today, it felt like my stomach might tear in two. I wasn’t just crying because I was laughing, but crying because the stretching and pulling hurt so darn much. And I couldn’t stop. Everyone was laughing with me…then sort of at me…I was a sight, to be sure. The first time, we were out to dinner and we were all laughing so hard at the table that when our server came by, he started laughing, too. I couldn’t compose myself enough to even look in his direction, tears streaming down my face. All of this over C’s silly dancing and antics at the table. If anyone can have even strangers in stitches, it’s our energetic four year old.

Laughing so hard it hurts is a good thing and I’ll embrace it. But goodness, it’s painful! And it’s painful to realize why: I worked so hard to heal diastasis recti after birthing three nine pound or heavier babies, and I guess now the proof is in the pudding that it worked. I don’t think I had this sensation of being physically pulled apart with each of our other babies because after my first pregnancy with H, I probably didn’t have too many muscles left to separate. Now though, this is a different ballgame. I was fully back to so many things I hadn’t been able to do in a long time, and I’m thinking we’ll be putting my PT exercises to good use again come fall. As an upside, I’ve done the PT needed to get back to having my stomach muscles in working order, so I’ll know just what to do. And it goes without saying that it’s all worth it–every little bit.

I continue to marvel at what our bodies do and what they’re capable of in growing and birthing babies. When think about the logistics of it all, I’m just amazed. I mean, how we form a whole extra organ just for pregnancy that becomes the life source for our baby…it’s incredible! As a doula, I have the privilege of witnessing birth somewhat regularly, and I’m never not amazed by any of them. God’s creativity never gets dull or boring!

There’s not much left to say about today’s growing pains, except that I’m just humbled to be growing and stretching at all. Working our way to 29 weeks and it feels just as much a miracle as it did the first time and each time after. I don’t ever want to miss the miracle, even if it means I’m laughing and crying with strangers all the way through.

I hope I can keep these muscles together, but if not, it’ll be for the very best reason.

MM