MollyMadonna.com

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All Sugared Up. (89)

Today was not exactly the right day to add in the joys of a glucose test, but I suppose even if it had been all sunshine and rainbows, it still wouldn’t have been the right day. I don’t dread the blood draw near as much as I dread the sugar. It’s just not a helpful addition to pregnancy at this (or any?) stage. Regardless, the window was closing on my timeframe to get tested, so 50g of sugar worth of jelly beans down the hatch and a few vials later, now all that’s left is to hope I don’t get called back for the longer version. Do you think we can go four for four on glucose screens? This mama is hopeful.


What also feels encouraging about this little landmark is the fact that 28 weeks is approaching. At one point, a glucose test seemed like a long off dream…akin to mile marker 8 or 9 on the way to a 13.1 finish line. But now it’s behind me and the end of this race is a little closer in sight. It isn’t so much that I want to wish any of this pregnancy away as it is that I just so long to hold a sweet, healthy baby when that day comes. Not unlike thinking about that banana with peanut butter and ice cold water past the finish line, we all need motivation to get through to the last mile.


This week, two of our three will finish up school, and by next Friday, summer break will be upon us all. That feels absolutely amazing. There was a time when summer seemed intangible, and now it’s just about here. I can’t wait for days of water and sand and sun, for ice cream runs and nightly family walks and saying yes to things because bedtimes don’t have to be so steadfast. I sure hope to soak up every last bit of summer we’re able, all the while looking forward to August and the best cap on a summer season we could imagine. 


The baby is still dancing around tonight in a way that feels like an exclamation mark…probably those last few jelly beans giving our honeybee a run for it’s money. Tomorrow I’ll hope to crave loads of vegetables and water and cleansing-type foods to right my system, and meanwhile, maybe this babe will find a way to settle in as I try to do the same.


Thankful for another day, as always,


MM

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Tetris in real life. (90)

Let the games begin! We started prepping here for baby a while back now, starting with having the boys’ room painted in early spring. Soon, they’ll transition to a different space and their room will become the nursery. Before that happens though, we need to swap out the room they’re moving to, and everything there will move to a room in the basement. Naturally, the things that were in that basement space needed to be relocated, too, so that’s where we began this past week and continue to work in prep for a cascade of changes for everyone.

I love changes like this because it makes for the exact right time to audit drawers and cabinets, shelves, baskets and bins. In the same, it’s pretty hard to recruit young troupes to help in the effort, so it’s kind of become a bit of an eye roll (for some) each time I ask for help in a new space. As I alluded to a few posts back, I’m just not in a place to keep up the pace I normally maintain, and everyone is feeling the added weight of this shared reality. I don’t bend as quickly or easily, my lifting skills are more limited, and I need a break more readily than I’d like to admit. There’s relief in pressing toward 28 weeks because it feels like it’s more justifiable to have limitations than it was a month or two ago, but I keep hanging onto the thought of X many weeks to go and I’m not mentally ready to need my feet up yet. These lessons that keep coming on stillness, I tell you…

Today Gramma (Mom) is in town, and it’s possible we’re cut from the same cloth when it comes to enjoying the feeling of progress and a job complete. Lists are for checking off, right?! So we spent a few hours tackling step 1 of the established Tetris game here, and you can bet that before bed we’ll have it done. This means that tomorrow I can begin step 2, which will drive the kids bananas but make me feel like we’re getting to the progress we need to be sure that there’s a nursery well under way over the next few weeks. Step 2 is a lot of “stuff” editing and paring down in order to move only the necessary and reasonable items to the basement space. This excites no one but me, I’m pretty sure, but once we’re onto step 3, I think I’ll discover more buy-in among our crew. It’s hard to transfer a nesting vision to everyone at once. 😉

I wish I could pull a genie moment and just nod and blink and find everything set it its new place. Seeing as I can’t though, rolling up my sleeves as I’m able and taking baby steps toward the final goal still feels great–I don’t think anyone will mind the new arrangement a bit once it’s settled (and least of all, me). I know that baby won’t need a room to him or herself for a good bit, but having everything ready feels like a necessary part of the journey, and I’m here for it. Now just to boost morale and find new and creative ways to incentivize buy-in for the younger members of our transition crew…

Can’t believe we’re at 90 already! Where does the time go?

MM

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Let everything that has breath praise the Lord. (91)

Today was a much awaited day in our household. After the cancellation of just about everything that everyone everywhere had planned last spring, the fact that we’re sitting at baseball games and attending music programs this year feels extra life-giving and worth savoring, doesn’t it? I really think I could pinch myself sometimes, watching the world wake back up and things come to life again. I know I’m not alone in this–we’ve all missed “normal” so much after more than a year’s time.

I won’t say that I minded a slower pace in so many moments since last March, because it was no doubt good in many ways, as much as it was hard. But I have to admit that the distinction in our kiddos as they return to their activities and I observe their growth, well…it’s just crazy how much has changed. They’re not just taller or wiser, they’re braver, ever-hopeful, altered in many ways by the time gone by and the reality of facing new unknowns and bigger mountains. I’m proud of them on any given day, but then when they have the chance to shine in something they’ve worked hard at or loved, my heart isn’t just walking around outside of my body in those moments. It’s floating somewhere I can’t explain, just so, so filled with gratitude for these lives we’ve been called to steward. For all the times I fail in my communication or grace or understanding as a parent, they rise to the occasion and extend themselves in forgiveness and love poured back out to me. This can only be the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives–this extension of grace so tangible in ways I’d never know without them here.

This afternoon, Eloise danced in her annual showcase, which is always a gift to attend. The intentionality and worship that happens in preparation for an hour or two of dancing is just so uplifting–tiny little ballerinas and maturing, strong dancers who have trained for years, all together on one stage lifting up praise to God and honoring Him with their discipline and skill. I remember when Eloise danced for the first time, and I cried at how beautiful it was to see her among a group of itty-bitty ballerinas twirling so freely in pink and purple tutus. They didn’t have to find the beat or remember their choreography to move hearts; their joy in movement and music together was exactly the reminder anyone might need. To have faith like a child…to dance and twirl and leap with abandon…we could all benefit from that kind of freedom and worship.

Now, while that mini ballerina is still fresh in my mind three years later, I watched her dance today with a new level of confidence and grace in this thing God is using in her life to draw her closer to Him. The words of the songs were just so perfect as she moved with a maturity that somehow took me by surprise, even though I’m watching her grow every day:

“You’re parting waters. Making a way for me. You’re moving mountains that I don’t even see. You’ve answered my prayer before I even speak. All you need for me to be is still. And know that you are God. Be still, and know that You, trust that You are…”

And then later with pure joy as she tapped across the stage:

“I get this feeling in my spirit way down low. I hear it callin’ like a compass in my soul. Saying child come on back now. You’ve been gone too long. Let me lead you back where you belong. Right next to me…You put the X on my faded map. Draw me a line back to where you’re at. Patient when I try to move to fast, I get this feelin’…”

You can bet I was in tears again…joy and awe and pride all mixed together over four minutes of dancing that I hope to never forget. When we do things with our whole hearts and intent on bringing praise to God, something beautiful happens and it’s hard not to be drawn closer. I have to believe this is because we were built for worship–made to glorify him in every way we’re able, and that’s exactly what today felt like in the fullest of ways.

I’m so thankful for the reminder that we are called to praise God with our whole selves. The littlest three and four year olds demonstrated this perfectly as they lived out their training and preparation today in full force. These ballerinas aren’t just learning how to dance; they’re learning how to more fully become the young women God is calling them to be. Watching Eloise dance this afternoon didn’t just make me cry–it also made me laugh with delight and mouth the words my heart has so frequently needed to hear this year, “You’re parting waters. Making a way for me. You’re moving mountains that I don’t even see. You’ve answered my prayer before I even speak. All you need for me to be is still.”

Lord, that I would praise you with my whole self, today and every day of this pregnancy and in motherhood and in all the days to come. With every fiber of who I am and every breath, Father, I trust you, I am seen by you, and I know that you are God.

May it always be so,

MM

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Some days, you just need a milestone. (92)

I’m shaking my head a little in disbelief tonight. Today marks 27 weeks pregnant and the beginning of my third trimester. While I definitely feel 27 weeks pregnant (maybe more?), the mental shift for me in knowing we’ve reached the third trimester is just huge. I needed this milestone today.

The weather has been amazingly summer-y and I love it in every way. I’ll admit though, if the heat of the past two days has been foretelling of the next few months, I’m going to default to air conditioning and popsicles, smoothies and shade far more from now until August than I usually do. I might also need to embrace extra naps, extra limitations, less speed–none of which I’m very good at doing. It’s no wonder that the word I sensed God showing me for 2021 is STILL.

Still is a challenge for me. I wish it weren’t. Sometimes it’s to my benefit that I like to go, go, go, but probably not in my third trimester with three active kiddos and a busy family schedule. My slower speed is impacting everyone at home already…”I’m sorry, honey. Mom just can’t do that right now,” and “I wish I could, sweetie, but I just need to rest,” are becoming hallmark phrases of this season. Coupled with my hyperactive nesting ambitions right now, the result is generally an Ennegram 1 level of frustration that I am definitely being called to check. I know that God is pressing me in this way in love, desiring for me to know more of a reliance on Him and still less and less dependence on my own strength. Somehow this is a tutorial that continues to need review in my life.

In all aspects of stretching that are happening right now: the physical stretching of every bit of my mid-section, the spiritual stretching of my ability to be still and know, the emotional stretching of trusting daily that our baby is growing and well, and the mental stretching of embracing this time for all of its beauty when our default as humans is to grumble…each area of my life is God doing His work in His timing. I do feel so humbled to be on this journey, I really do.

So, third trimester, and it feels amazing to be able to say that, as much as it also feels bittersweet. I can’t wait to tangibly hold this baby, but I also want to soak up every bit of this time without wishing any ounce of it away. I have loved being pregnant with each of our babies. And since I was arriving at a place of being resigned that my last pregnancy had likely come and gone, this experience feels all the more rich and special and grace-filled than I could have even imagined. It’s all bonus and extra and wonder and surprise, even on the hard or hot or exceptionally stretching days. They say your body is forever altered by every life you carry, and I couldn’t possibly refute it. This baby, this grace–it is changing me every day, and I’ll surely not be the same.

Humbled is an understatement…

MM

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What, this old thing? (93)

I used to want everything to be brand new when I acquired it. There’s something to be said for new, right? Fresh out of the package, untouched, unblemished. New things bring a sense of refreshment, hope. I feel this way about new seasons or adventures, new pursuits and certainly fresh bouquet of flowers or the way everything begins again with a resurgence of life in springtime. I’ve been watching our irises come up over the past week or so, and not only are the blossoms new, but we have new colors popping up that I’ve never seen before. It’s so life-giving to discover them in the garden, and I can’t help but take pictures–probably for the sake of remembering how hopeful it felt when they first appeared.

I think about the annual joy of school supply shopping in July and August, a pristine pair of new gym shoes, a perfectly sharpened pencil or a set of brand new sheets. Maybe sometimes it’s because a new thing represents something else that it’s so valuable, like the dress you pick out for your first formal dance, a recital costume you try on for the very first time, a crib sitting in a nursery awaiting one sought after event. I think we all long for fresh starts and things that are solely our own, not to mention opportunities to highlight our personalities, likes and dislikes. There’s nothing wrong with appreciating new.

And then, there’s old. Or maybe for our sakes we could say, “loved.” Sure, there are plenty of things that have seen their day and don’t have much use left in them, but then there are treasures abundant to be found among racks and shelves of discarded things. If you’ve ever donated something of value, you know exactly what I mean. There are diamonds in the rough to be had, and as I get older, I appreciate them more and more.

I’ve vowed not to become someone who can’t pass up a garage sale, but I also recognize the value of making great discoveries for a fraction of the cost. Knowing that a purchase also benefits a non-profit or ministry somehow makes it feel all the better. And the truth is, some of my favorite items in our home are ones I thrifted or purchased from a friend who thrifted them first.

We recently purchase a dresser from a thrift store in town, and I absolutely love it. It’s lines and quality are just so good, and I got it at a fraction of the cost of one bought new online. I looked at new ones for a long time first, and their cost and quality were so frustrating in comparison. Now, I can’t wait to add the dresser to our room, making a pretty addition to a place I’ll no doubt spend plenty of time after baby arrives. The dresser will be the perfect spot to accommodate the many diaper changes we can plan on enjoying in middle of the night. 😉

Why does any of this matter? Maybe it doesn’t really. But I’m sharing because it feels like a shift in perspective and priorities for me over the past few years, and I’m finding it offers me more contentment and joy than always craving the newest thing. Bringing something old back to life can be so good for my soul–it’s a victory in the area of stewardship that feels worth celebrating.

There will be days when I still crave, “new.” I look at baby things lately and just want to build the most perfect little layette for our honeybee’s arrival. But then I admire the things we’ve used for our other kiddos that have sweet memories attached, the simplicity of needs when a baby is first born. I look around me at all that we have, and it isn’t the stuff at all that makes this place feel like home. Home is where my people are, and soon, it will be where one more person makes this all the more true. I’m eager for that day. Still, while I wait it’ll be fun to set up and rearrange a few spaces in the house, and there’s no doubt there are things to repurpose here to make each room feel refreshed and new again.

There’s something to be said for new, yes. Of course there is. This little baby growing in my belly is among the gifts in this world that are intended to be embraced in their newness to the full, and we surely will. But then, when we come across older things that still have something to offer, what a gift to discover them! I love that my penchant for new, old things is growing as I age over here, too.

Maybe it is true what they say: What’s old is new again. How fun to be able to give things a second chance! To old and new and the unexpected delights they both bring,

MM