MollyMadonna.com

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perfectly imperfect.

The past few snow-filled, white-everywhere-I-look days have gotten me thinking (or more accurately, stewing). I’m not a big fan of stewing, I’ll admit. I’ll also concede that for someone who doesn’t enjoy the exercise very much, I am, somewhat unfortunately, quite good at it. This does not bode well when I’m cooped up indoors with our toddler and staring down walls (read cupboards, closets, corners, dust bunnies, piles, and to dos) I would otherwise breeze by on our way to something more adventurous and fun.

The task of being in my (our) own space lately has started to feel like exactly that–a task. And it’s not because anyone else would drop by and be aghast at our style of living or the daily condition of our home (Well, maybe you would, I don’t know. But I’m not going to start losing sleep over that at this very moment). It’s just that I see 101 things in any given day that I’d love the time/energy/willpower/organizational prowess/Pinterest motivation to change around here, and it’s beginning to chip away at my self esteem and personal progress. Am I sounding at all rational/relatable/normal? Do you have any idea what I mean?

I’m sure you do. I’m practically counting on it. I know I’m not the lone mama here who wishes she could get more done in a day. But the thing of it is, when H’s nap time rolls around after lunch, and I’ve spent all morning in my best attempt to be loving and patient and engaged and consistent (and fun!), I am ready for a break. I am not (most days) ready to tackle that linen closet, the basement, the file cabinet that needs thinning out, or the guest room that’s become a catch all since the last guest went home. I’m just not. And for this reason, I wander around in the afternoon quiet of our completely livable and mostly kept up house, and I allow myself to feel inadequate instead of at home. There is something wrong with this, I’m sure. And there’s probably a reason I’m putting it here. The art of contentment is an art for sure.

Please hear me when I say that I’m really just fine, and that this isn’t some sort of confessional plea to beg for infinite wisdom or help. (Although regular wisdom I’ll happily consider, if you have some to offer;) I’m nearly certain that there are those of you reading who have given this train of thought an “Amen!” once or twice, and probably others who are thinking, “Just wait until you have more than one kid to juggle someday!” I don’t begrudge you either angle. I have nothing to complain about and I know it fully. But I do have my snowed in days like everyone else 🙂

When I look around at life in our little world, in this house, in my mostly simple and fretless days, I do feel the good. And I am blessed beyond blessed by what we have here–our space, our memories, our trio, lined up like soldiers on the floor each night for story time. There is an abundance of life here, and much gratitude that comes with it. Still, I can’t help (in moments), feeling like I owe it all more…I owe us more, and God more, than I accomplish in 24 hours time. I am living in the perfectly imperfect and hanging balance of young motherhood, just wanting to serve well and do well and be good in every sense. And even still, wanting a nap more than I want my floors sparkling clean; praying for the stamina and discipline and wherewithal to lead an honorable life in every day.

This dance we do with ourselves, with our parenting, with our expectations and aspirations and hearts–it is clear evidence of our humanity and of our (my) great need for something bigger than myself and these worldly things to hang my hat on. Thank goodness my self worth is not found in the state of my bathroom countertop or the order of every keepsake and photo tucked away within these walls. Now if only I could remember this exact truth on days like today, when every task calls after me from it’s position, stealing away the joy that’s to be found in the still of winter, tucked away at home with my boy….I have much to learn!

so grateful for God’s patience with me as i toddle along. it doesn’t look like the snow will be letting up soon, so i may as well embrace the grace that falls with it, no?

mm

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friday night wind-down.

Very ready for a less than stressful weekend, we’re admiring outlandishly expensive kitchens and bathrooms from all over the world on HGTV. Nothing like transporting yourself to someone else’s over the top home halfway around the globe. These spaces are amazing! And ridiculous! I’d be lying if I didn’t say it all causes the wanderlust in me to get a little itchy. I don’t need a fancy kitchen, but I’d love to visit some of the locales where they exist. Vacation, anyone?

Jason just hand delivered dessert to the living room and I’m in full blown relaxation mode. Feels so good to just settle in…sleeping baby, sleeping dog, clean house, weekend awaiting. I am one thankful girl.

As a side note, HGTV makes up for the lack of good options on television–at any hour of the day. We don’t watch t.v. much at all anymore, but when we do, we can always count on a good episode of House Hunters, Million Dollar Rooms, and the like to entertain.

admiring a property in positano, italy, and dreaming,

mm

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photo love at the end of a long day.

Technically, they might not be the most amazing photos ever, but I do love grabbing pictures of the bug on my phone these days. It’s just so stinkin’ convenient…and he’s just so stinkin’ lovable. (I say this after a relatively rough afternoon/evening with the little man who, to my chagrin, is avoiding sleep (naps!) at all costs lately.) These snapshots remind me why it’s so important to roll with the punches of parenting, to walk away for a few minutes when I need a deep breath, and to step right back into loving this incredible little person the way he deserves. At almost-nine months old, I know he doesn’t really do things to spite me. He’s just gaining a little more independence and testing the waters (and ripping the bumpers off his crib while he should be sleeping, and…). You know, the stuff that makes you want to tear your hair out a little. But just a little.

So, no more bumpers for the kiddo after today, and unfortunately, a few more bumps on the head in exchange. I don’t think it will take long for him to realize that the bars can hurt a little, and it’s better than the alternative of ribbons ripped off the crib and in his hands while he’s alone. Cheeky little monkey, this one. The ribbons were tied on the outsides, and he still got ’em off. Ah, well. I’ve ever so quietly removed my mama cap for the evening and am heading to bed to start fresh in the morning. In the meantime, the munchkin. Playin’ and drumin’ and being “SO big!” (with one arm, of course. Two would be asking a lot:)

sleep, here i come!

mm

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so far, so good.

At this stage of the game, I can check a few things off the list. Good thing there’s still half a weekend left 🙂

Last night we watched The Ides of March. I liked it well enough, but wished the ending didn’t feel so abrupt. No matter. We sweetened the deal with a little dessert mid-movie. I thought it fitting that our dishes ended up looking so patriotic. Unintentional, of course, but still fun. And with a little chocolate sauce drizzled on top, oh did it hit the spot!

Then over breakfast this morning we plotted out our grocery list, including items to cook up a few new (to our menu) dishes this week. First on the docket? A recipe for Faux Pho from Epicurious. In essence, it’s a close-to-authentic twist on the traditional Vietnamese noodle soup. Jason treated me tonight and cooked up a small storm in the kitchen. We love Pho, so this was fun to try. Will we make it again? Definitely. The only note I’d make is that the recipe says to simmer broth for 78 minutes. Given that the entire dish calls for 30 minutes of prep and cook time, total, we decided that 7 to 8 minutes would do. Sure enough. One little dash makes a big difference:) Oh, and we added fresh lime since that’s how we’re used to enjoying it, plus a little Rooster (Sriracha) sauce because we love a good kick. The serrano peppers will do it, but Sriracha adds an extra punch. All in all, a delightful meal!

If you decide to try it out, you’ll have to let us know how you like it. The whole house smelled wonderfully of fresh ginger, basil, garlic, chiles and lime. Yum!

The little one is fast asleep and we’re watching Storage Wars reruns before bed. I do love the weekend!

relaxed (and full:),

mm

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weekend list.

Since I just ordered my 2012 planner yesterday (realized I can’t live without one after all, even with a smartphone lingering), I’m forgetting more than normal and feeling like I’ve maxed out storage capacity in the organizational compartments of my brain. As there’s a whole host of things I’d like to fit into the weekend, I thought I’d just plod through them here tonight. Then, I’m less likely to forget them, and besides, it’ll gear me up for a fun/busy/productive (maybe)/restful weekend. How can it be all of those things at once? Well, as things get checked off the list, there’s more room for rest. And as I prioritize resting (or relaxing here and there), I’ll be better fueled to find energy for the other things 🙂

It’s a grand plan. We have a (n almost) 9 month old. We’ll see how this goes:

1) Continue going to bed before midnight. If my fingers fly fast enough, I can make it!

2) Wake up, take care of Henry, enjoy breakfast, drink coffee, work out. (No expectations on the exact order in which all of this takes place.)

3) Vacuum and wash the floors. Snowy boots+driveway salt+Kruger+day-to-day routine=necessary. Plus, it’s too big a job during the week with the peanut in tow.

4) Start (um…) and finish thank you notes from Christmas. We’re not perfect around here. Nope. But we are thankful. Now just to let people know about that…

5) Read a few chapters in my book club book. I keep telling myself I’ll do this while nursing. Then, of course, the book would have to be on the right floor of the house when I decide such things. If I’m up, it’s downstairs, and vice versa. Two copies? The ability to remember everything when going up and down the stairs?

6) Relaxed time with the boys on Saturday night. We can make this happen. Already on the calendar 🙂 Ok, well…on the agenda. The calendar, as I mentioned, is still in need of an update. It’ll happen.

7) On the subject of calendars, write down Henry’s milestone-ish moments in his calendar. Because there’s a whole lot that changes quickly at his age, and because I’m starting to forget what was when. I really don’t want to make it up. In fact, I refuse 😉

8) Something delicious (and perhaps new?) for dinner one of two nights. One of us has to make a grocery store run anyway–may as well pick up something interesting.

9) Church on Sunday morning. Love it. Need it. Gotta have it. Done.

10) Sunday afternoon family nap. We did this last weekend, and besides the whole gang waking up close to dinnertime, it was wonderfully uplifting. Problem solver: set an alarm.

11) Laundry. Perhaps. You know, as other things are taking place. Like playtime with H in his room or a half hour spent galavanting in the snow. Something delightful to get my mind off the laundry.

12) I dunno. Throw in a random something else that I’ve forgotten here, and that will inevitably come up. Mostly because I’m an even numbered person, and an 11 point list would leave me wide-eyed awake in bed tonight. 12 it is.

And that is all. Seem like a lot? Not enough? Just right? Only the weekend can tell. But if I don’t plan (or at least hope), the odds of any number of listed items making their way into the next two days become drastically reduced. Who knows. Maybe tomorrow we’ll scratch the whole thing and make snow forts all weekend. Maybe we’ll take a random adventure somewhere and ask the dog to handle the laundry. Regardless, I like having a list.

a little less cluttered for the exercise,

mm