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the start of something new. (84)

When I wake up tomorrow, I’ll be 31. And I don’t have much emotion attached to the age or the year, but I always love the way that birthdays afford us the sense of a fresh start. I have no doubt that these next 365 will hold plenty of surprises. Life is about to take several turns in what I anticipate will be a positive and God-evident direction. I’m sure that there will be curve balls along the way, but we know that those come with the territory of being alive. And I really enjoy being alive 🙂

Outside of knowing when our little one is due and recognizing that our daily life will change dramatically with the new addition, I really can’t pretend to see incredibly far down the road at the moment. I kind of like it that way. It’s fun to think about this upcoming year as being defined by anticipatory delight.

One thing I know for sure is that I’m looking up. In my mind, there’s no other way to approach the unknown outside of expecting the best and giving things the benefit of the doubt. I’m doing my very best to be thankful and to show gratitude–outwardly, sure, but especially to God. I look around me and all I see is His goodness, more and more. A growing assurance of this, even in the midst of trials or challenges, is what moves me forward into this next year without fear. Only joy. I am claiming joy. And joyfully turning another year older. The number doesn’t matter much to me, but how I spend it, who I spend it with, and how I honor God in the midst are all foremost on my mind.

eager to see what God will do (and especially who He has waiting for us come august!) in the next 365.

with a grateful heart,
mm

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conversations with h, part 2. (85)

85! How did we get here? I have mixed emotions about being this close to baby #2, but mostly, I’m just excited. Excited to find out if this wee one is a boy or girl, excited to make H a big brother, excited to see what life will look like for our little family in the months ahead. Some think we’re crazy for not knowing the gender–and believe me, the wait feels long–but I can say confidently that not knowing builds up so much more anticipation for us. I love that moment of surprise far more than I love the idea of knowing from now until then. Henry is convinced he knows, so it will be fascinating if he’s right. The two seem quite in sync with one another already–a joy for this mama in the process of growing the Button.

On the subject of Henry, today was one of those days I wished I’d had a notepad along for every conversation. The kid cracked me up all day. Perhaps he’ll make you smile with a remark or two as well…

-As we headed out to the car this morning (a loaner, because mine was getting new brakes today), H says to me, “There’s our Tahoe! It has two car seats in it! One for me…and one for Emmelia!” (Emmelia is H’s younger and oh-so-adorable cousin, who lives quite far away). “No, buddy. I’m sorry. There’s not a seat for Emmelia. I wish there were. But you know what?! When the baby comes, Emmelia is going to come and visit! Won’t that be great?!” “Yeah,” he replied. Five plus hours later at the car shop swapping out vehicles, Henry tells a friend of ours (while patting my belly), “I’m having a baby! It’s a girl! And I will hold it nicely and make it calm. And then…Emmelia will come! She’s a baby, too!” Oh, my. I just love how toddlers think. The connection from this morning’s conversation was priceless. And I adore his excitement over his cousin. Makes my heart warm.

-At the pool today, Henry saw his swim instructor from a few months back. “Mr. Dan” is a kid favorite–always swapping high fives and encouraging the little ones that they’re great. Henry still asks about him at random, months after his lessons ended. A few days ago, H refused to say hello to Mr. Dan. Instead, he hid himself behind my leg, made a theatrical pouty face, and said, “I can’t. I’m shy.” If you’ve ever met H, you know he’s not the least bit shy. Regardless–and despite the fact that we’d talked about being polite and nice and friendly when someone we know says hello, Henry refused Mr. Dan’s high five again this morning. Later in the day though, after a whole lot of fun swimming, H must have been in better spirits. When Mr. Dan came over to ask Little Man about his time at the pool, Henry talked his ear off for five minutes. The best part? When Mr. Dan said, “I’m so glad you decided to say hello to me today. High five! You made my day!” and Henry replied, “Yeah! AND your weekend time!” How can you not laugh sometimes? Two year old conversations are the best.

A few other comments that brightened the day…

-When I told H that I need to sit for a few minutes because my stomach hurt: “Here’s a Jaguar (matchbox car). That can make you feel better.” Love.

-Handing me a different car later on: “It’s a crocodile race car…from my birthday! I’ve never seen one of those driving down the road!”

-“Look!! I found my screwdriver under the couch! It was just sleeping under there.”

And when I asked him if I could have a cake for my birthday this weekend:

“Yep!” “Thanks, Buddy! What kind of cake?” (assuming a MINI Cooper cake, of course.) “A chocolate one. With brownie kinds of things on top. And colored things on it.”

Um, love this kid.

He really does make me smile. Daily. And I realize that it’s such a gift to have a small person in my life who adds laughter and brings joy. This parenting thing isn’t for the faint of heart, but all of the goodnesses that come with it sure do make all of the hard parts worthwhile!

grateful for all of the chatter.

mm

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practice makes perfect. (86)

Two years and three months ago, a crazy blizzard hit our hometown hard–so hard that everything (besides the indomitable local coffee shop) was closed. No one was going anywhere. That particular morning, Jason was outside shoveling feet of snow and I was inside on the couch, almost 28 weeks pregnant, and having contractions every five or so minutes apart. The day got really interesting from there: a call to the on-call dr. at the hospital led to an unexpected outing, a morning spent on monitors, me talking myself off the ledge about having a baby at 28 weeks, and J spiking a fever of 104 at its worst. Turns out major (quick) changes in barometric pressure can cause funny things to happen…and going into false labor would be one of them. Noted. We returned home exhausted and relieved, and didn’t welcome Henry into the world for another eleven weeks. Good little man stayed nice and put until just the right time.

Fast forward to tonight, and the realization over dinner that I was, indeed, having fairly intense Braxton-Hicks contractions–right near 28 weeks along. Maybe this is just my body’s fascinating way of preparing for every baby, or maybe it has something to do with the fact that storms have been rolling in and out of the area all week and the temps have shifted 50 degrees in 36 hours. Regardless, I’ve decided that practicing labor is more than unnecessary this time around, so we’ll be done having said contractions from now until it’s really go time, thankyouverymuch. In the moment (ok, hour), I did what any clear-headed mama would do. I excused myself from the dinner table, took a five minute break on the couch, and declared it time for a walk with the munchkin. After all, we hadn’t explored nearly enough together yet today, and I knew a distraction would do me good. What will resolve B-H contractions in no time? Well, precisely the following…

First, you’ll need a toddler and a reliable plastic vehicle (preferably a $6 garage sale procurement in the form of a John Deere Tractor):

h on a toy tractor

Next, it helps to wave at the neighbors for a little while:

waving at neighbors

After that, you’ll probably want to take inventory to be sure that both (or all) of your children are along for the adventure:

h and bellyCheck.

To really make the experience more pleasant, it’s good to admire the blooming flowers and local landscape for a bit:

springtime front of house

hanging basket

japanese irisAnd supposing it starts to drizzle as another storm rolls in, it’s best to spend a little time in search of pill bug families on the porch:

pill bug habitat

If you have luck in finding any, your next move should likely be to designate appropriate names for each pill bug, using monikers like “Mommy,” “Daddy,” and “Henry,” or other such titles that are readily familiar:

pill bug investigationNext, wander around the yard for a while admiring the newest plantings and grass seeding efforts. Hard working people (like husbands/dads) seem to appreciate this sort of thing– and plus, it’s a good way to get involved in the fun:

side yard plantings

After a time, make your way “back home” and indoors on account of the threatening thunder, but be sure to note the beauty of distraction and the delightful nature of Springtime as you go:

marguerite daisies

And certainly, remind yourself that B-H contractions are just part of the process, that all will be well, and that barometric pressure can simply be a bugger sometimes. Park the toy tractor for the night. Dust off the little one. Put on some comfy pajamas. Smile.

embracing the promising signs of change…and all of the practice 😉

mm

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on nesting. (87)

Every other day, I feel like I’m in 100% nesting mode. On the off days, I couldn’t be bothered with it. I think this must be my subconscious attempt to balance what is coming and what is already here. There are days when I just want (and need) to be present with Henry. Today was one of those. He accompanied me on morning errands, and then we went to the pool for lunch and some early afternoon swim time. It was slightly on the cool side today, but with pool temps pushing 84 degrees, there was no convincing HD that we should be anywhere else but paddling around in the water. There is a remarkable change in him from last year to now–he is suddenly daring and desiring independence as he makes his way into the “deep” end without fear. Nowadays, the fear is all on me (and especially as I think about keeping up with him as this pregnancy moves along all summer). Nevertheless, it was fun to realize just how much he is coming into his own, and how much he is a boy and no longer a baby. I miss that part of him sometimes, but then I remember that we’re about to jump back on the baby train again, and it’s ok. I think on days like today I can fully embrace H’s boyhood and growing up.

God’s timing is perfect, and nothing phases Him like it does us. I quickly find greater peace when I remember this.

So…nesting. Nesting vs. summertime fun and running around with munchkin #1–this is going to be one of my greatest challenges for the next twelve weeks. I do appreciate that there’s a deadline of sorts. We know that what’s not done come mid-August may likely stay as is until mid-winter, when baby has settled into life here and we’ve settled into life with baby. (And maybe longer than that.) This is exactly why I’m trying to prioritize things in my head without overcommitting my heart to them. Life is constantly in flux, and we never know what might come our way. Could be that all lines up according to plan. Could be that baby gets here early and we manage completely with everything as is (not willing it to happen this way, but I’m telling myself that we would work it all out and be fine if it did). Could be that there are just too many glorious days this summer to count, and we end up spending them as a family by the pool. I mean, really. What is H going to remember best, anyway?

I am still learning so much about balance and figuring things out as we go. Tonight, for example, I’ve debated vacuuming several times. But then there was the blog (and my commitment to it), and there’s also the fact that this mama spent the afternoon keeping up with a two year old in the pool and bed sounds much better. Balance. Since I work tomorrow, vacuuming is getting the shove to another day’s to-do list. And bed beckons. Can’t help it. Gotta have energy for the tasks at hand…plus nesting, when life permits. 😉

thankful for the time with my sweet boy today, even if it involved a maternity swim suit 🙂

mm

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let’s make a deal–a note to the Button. (88)

Well, little one, 88 days to go and, if my mama instinct proves faithful, actually a bit less than that. I’m speaking it into our lives that you’ll be here pre-August 25…and based on your brother’s history, I think it’s a fair hunch. That, and since we’re talking the end of August here and the heat of Summer, I’m also just giving us both pep talks as encouragement. You can come anytime after August 12th, ok? I’m throwing that date out there simply because being too early would prove complicated for you, and no mama wants to watch her little one struggle in any way. Bake until your done, sweet Button. I promise I’m ok with it.

Since we’re having a little chat though, and because you’re taking up residence with me for the next few months, I’d love to suggest a few items of note that might make your stay (ok, my experience with your stay) a bit more pleasant. Before I begin, let me just say you’re doing a great job growing. 😉 And grow you must, little babe. At somewhere around 2 lbs. and 14ish inches long, give or take, you have a little ways to go before you’d be ready to face the world with your own devices. I do think we should arrange a meeting, though–you, me, and the belly, just to agree upon the pace with which we’re all stretching out. It seems that you and my stomach disagree a bit on this issue…that and my rib cage and abdominal wall and mid-back. Somehow, this temporary vessel did not get the memo; I feel like I’m about to burst! I know this isn’t the case, as I remember your brother’s tenancy well and have seen the pictures. But, still. A little give and take would go a long way on either end. Change at the same speed would be incredible. I can hardly eat a meal without regret this week.

No hard feelings though, tiny person. I totally understand that life is preparing me now for what we’ll share together come late Summer…shorter nights with wake-ups interspersed, lots of shuffling and juggling and adjusting until we’re all somewhat comfortable, only to have something change. Our evenings together now are certainly a good way to practice patience and slow breathing and dying to self, so thank you for exercising those spiritual and mental muscles in advance. 🙂

I love you like crazy already, and none of this maddening dance we’ll do for the next 12 weeks could change that. It’s a mixed blessing, you know. Your movement, while highly challenging at times, is–more often than not, amazingly affirming. Your growing strength and determination remind me of another small person I love with all of my heart, and that part feels simply perfect to me.

like brother like sibling. like mama like baby. determined, resilient, often stubborn, and humbly trying to find your way in the world. nothing wrong with that, my dear. nothing at all.

full up and making room for more 😉

your mama