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matters of the heart. (89)

There are lots of heart matters on my mind tonight. The wedding yesterday, a tear-jerking moment with H earlier this evening, a day later this week to celebrate a friend’s upcoming nuptials, and of course, prepping our hearts and home here for the Button’s arrival. There are others, too, but those four should make for an already lengthy post, so…I’ll stick to my outline. 😉

Above all else that happened today, I walked into to living room just before dinner to a most sacred moment. Henry (who I’d left playing cars on the couch minutes before) had climbed up into a big chair and was sitting, all by himself, and praying aloud. I am absolutely certain that I don’t get everything right as a mom, but this moment–this perfect and precious and remember-it-always moment, was a difference maker for me. To see the heart of Christ working in our tiny little man is the most beautiful thing–and so affirming! I’m afraid my walking in sort of interrupted H’s conversation, but I did catch the last few bits…”Thank you for my feet, and thank you for my pants, and for my clothes…” When I asked him what he was doing, he said, “I’m praying!” Be still my heart. Then I asked him what he’d been praying about and he said, “Daddy, and the baby, and Mo…and YOU!” Oh, my. To think of our little one lifting up his dad and mama in his own way moves me greatly, but to realize that Henry is joining us in prayer for his unborn sibling…it might just be too much for this emotional and expectant mama to handle! Baby Button, when you read this someday, I want you to know just how much your big brother has loved you from the very beginning. He has been thanking God for you daily with us, and also without solicitation. You two are woven together in a marvelous way! I can’t wait to get to know your heart, too, just as I am learning your brother’s. What an amazing gift as your mom!

Not sure how to transition from there, but…in other news, I’m getting excited to spend some time with a dear old (as in, long-lasting, but not aged 🙂 friend as we celebrate a most beautiful season in her life. She’s getting married this August, and while we’ll quite sadly miss the wedding (it’s 9ish hours away and two weeks from my due date), I’ve had the privilege of walking this wedding journey with her for the past few years, and it’s a lovely one. Our day of showering and surrounding Miss Emily with good things has been a shining spot on the calendar for some time now–I’m so glad it’s almost here! As a bonus, the pampering elements of the day will guide me gracefully into my 32nd year on the eve of my 31st birthday. Just a little icing on the cake, if you ask me! Oh, girl time and delightful food and a beautiful city in the Summer and pedicures and my precious, elegant, remarkable friend. Bliss!

And of course, on the subject of weddings, I promised a little recap of last night’s affair. To begin, it was the loveliest representation of a pure and Godly and genuine couple we’ve been blessed to see grow together in love over time. Everything about the celebration–from the worship and fellowship to the location and decor and attire, was perfectly suited to them. It was a delight to be a tiny part of their day. As they said their vows in the spring sunshine overlooking Lake Michigan, the atmosphere was one of sheer joy. It will be awesome to watch and see what God will do in and through them as they make a powerful force for the Kingdom together.

Every little detail of the wedding and reception was sweet and intentional. Personal touches made the evening feel cozy and family-centered…from the adorable handwritten signs to the picnic blankets and lawn games for playing and mingling post-ceremony, right down to the tea and coffee cups we were all invited to take home at the party’s end…each aspect felt like an extension of the happy couple–just as a wedding celebration should be! A few of my favorite elements and moments from the night:

the altar and bench where mr. and mrs. washed each others' (and their respective parents' feet) during the ceremony. beautiful.

the altar and bench where mr. and mrs. washed each others’ (and their respective parents’ feet) during the ceremony. beautiful.

a mom's gotta have a few tricks up her sleeve to keep a two year old quite at length. ;)

a mom’s gotta have a few tricks up her sleeve to keep a two year old quiet at length. 😉

two handsome boys and a classy getaway car.

two handsome boys and a classy getaway car.

snacks, drinks, and an impeccable view.

snacks, drinks, and an impeccable view.

someone had a ball ;)

someone had a ball 😉

it's party time!

it’s party time!

can't get enough of his sparkling apple cider.

can’t get enough of his sparkling apple cider.

learning to shuffle with mama. love.

learning to shuffle with mama. love.

family shenanigans by the lake.

family shenanigans by the lake.

sunset backdrop.

sunset backdrop.

all good things must come to an end, hmmm, h? not an easy lesson to learn when you're two and having a blast.

all good things must come to an end, hmmm, h? not an easy lesson to learn when you’re two and having a blast.

Looking around here this weekend, it was so wonderful to have extra time as a family, to get a few more items checked off the list, and to have great little interactions and moments together. We prepped for the Button in a few simple ways, with conversations woven in about bigger changes that will take place over the next few weeks (moving us to our new room to make space for baby, putting together the crib that arrived (!) Thursday, organizing more baby books and toys and clothes to fill drawers and shelves in the nursery, and tackling as many projects as we’re able before life gets busier with two kiddos in tow). I might have overdone it this weekend, but it’s only out of joy and anticipation that my motivation helped carry me away. Today has been a lighter lifting day, and J has worked hard to stop me from causing myself more trouble. This means he also has a bit more on his plate, and while I feel guilty about that, I’m looking forward to working together to strike a healthy balance through the summer months. The accountability is good–and necessary when I want to see so much accomplished. Slow and steady wins the race from here, I think.

needless to say, my heart is full–and my mind is busy, busy! so thankful to God for all of the beauty He allowed into our lives this weekend. best “weekend time!” i can remember in a while.

happily,

mm

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mama offering. (90)

Well, “weekend time” continues, and I couldn’t be more grateful for an extra day home as a family. Weekends never feel quite long enough, and tomorrow will be a beautiful bonus! We attended an absolutely lovely wedding tonight, and while the party is still going strong as I type, we had to get the munchkin home to bed. He cried and put on his best pouty lip as we left the party, lamenting, “I don’t want to leave the wedding!” I didn’t either…it was a grand celebration! More on the delightful details tomorrow…

Tonight, as I come to terms again with my limitations as a mama with a growing belly (gardening yesterday, dancing while holding H tonight, and in general, trying to keep up with the active demands of a toddler), I just want to focus on the beauty of this season. I do feel more limited, certainly, and I hate telling Henry no sometimes now when he wants me to pick him up, but I am also so taken by the gift of being pregnant, and I desperately desire to glorify God in all of my efforts to carry and love this blooming baby. These days, I have so many incredible mama friends who are raising toddlers and toting newborns, or who are raising toddlers and growing soon-t0-be newborns. It’s an awe-inspiring stage of life. And at times it’s overwhelming, too (although mostly in a good way :). So I’m feeling compelled to offer up a prayer. For all of the mamas who are coming to terms with their own motherhood tonight–in whatever way it applies. Some will be up in the wee hours nursing or cuddling a newborn. Others will be tossing and turning while they navigate growing bellies and changing bodies. Some will be wishing they could hold babies closer while their little ones are far away tonight, and still some will be praying for a baby of their own and clinging to hope for the future. Whatever the case may be, I know that God sees each one of us, and He hears our requests. He plans out His timing and knows what we can handle and all that we need. And he meets us right where we are. His promises are full and generous to our mama hearts…

Father, thank you for another day where you have sustained me and allowed me the gift of carrying this precious life within. Thank you for the blessing of sweet (although often painful:) kicks and constant movement. Thank you that you have created my body to be capable of this amazing miracle!

Thank you, too, God, for using my past experience and my great, deep desire and pain to remind me why this is a most sacred season. Thank you for never letting our hurts go to waste, and for covering me in your love and peace. Your timing is perfect, God, and you knew that I would be carrying this wee one today–in this time and place, for your plans to be fulfilled for this blessing of a baby when he or she is born. Please help me to follow your lead, God, and together as a family, please help us to raise this life to know and love and serve you.

As the day winds down, Father, there are physical reminders of why I can’t do this without your help. Things ache and stretch and require more energy, and I don’t have all of the answers for how to do this on my own. Henry is a busy little person–but you knew that he would be when you entrusted him to us. If I am going to keep up and be engaged and love him in the ways he so desires to be loved right now, I know I need to lean on you for help. Please show me how to love him best, and please help me to fully embrace even the hard parts of carrying this baby as the months roll on. Please give me a spirit of grace and joy and patience toward my children, my family. I can’t do it alone, but I can with You.

Father, as mamas, we all deal with things in the day to day that make our hearts heavy or tired. Sometimes the weight of our burdens is light, but sometimes it can be so very heavy. No matter the weight tonight, would you please guide me–and all of the amazing mamas in my life–to your peace, regardless of the circumstance. Would you wrap your arms especially tightly around those we know who are experiencing deep pain and loss? Will you meet them where they are and display your presence in unmistakable ways?

God, I love you, and I’m so incredibly grateful that you have entrusted little, impressionable lives to my care. Being a mama is the most humbling and amazing gift, and I can’t believe how much more I’ve learned about you as I’ve tried to be attentive to this call on my life. I pray that I will glorify you in the process. Thank you for loving me enough to trust me with your creation.

more of you, and less of me…especially when there’s increasingly more of me these days, and i need so much to trust in your presence and care. love,

mm

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goodbye, second tri. (91)

Well, it’s official. 27 weeks tomorrow and headed into my third trimester with the Button. I would say I can hardly believe it, except this kiddo is on the move and I am feeling every kick, punch, jab, twist, and turn. Simply put, he or she is growing at a crazy pace, so it’s a good thing we’re in countdown territory. 91 days is still a ways to go, but saying “third trimester” is certainly a wakeup call. No wonder I’ve been roaming around the house and seeing things I want to accomplish left and right! If this little one is like his or her brother, we’re down to 12 weeks. Amazing.

We spent the morning picking up a few extra flats of flowers–along with some potting and top soil, and then got to work once little man was down for his nap after lunch. Four hours later, the planters and window boxes are filled afresh with new blossoms, our new edging in the front is nearly complete, the grass is cut, and between us, we managed to keep H occupied while we dug, tilled, plotted, and planted. Nothing a little red wagon, ball and glove, bubbles, a toy mower, cozy coupe police car, earth worms, grubs, a rock collection, watering can, and “new” ride-on toy tractor can’t manage. Whew! It’s a wonder that we still had a bounding ball of energy running around the house just shy of 10pm. I’d like to know where I sign up for his power nap extravaganzas!

I’m feeling it tonight after moving plants and dirt and bending at the waist 1,000 times this afternoon, but now that the initial ache has worn off, I’m mostly celebrating that hard earned tired feeling you can only get from working in the sun and breeze all day long. I LOVE the Springtime! And I love how the front of the house is shaping up 🙂 No doubt we’ll be back at it again tomorrow mid-day, just before we head out to celebrate beautiful friends at their lakeside wedding.

Did I mention that we found those happy little flowers I posted about a few days back? I’ve been on the hunt to find more of them, and lo and behold, three tiny little containers sat waiting for me at the farmer’s market this morning. Now we have cheery pink Marguerite Daisies in the planters out front, and I am craving more of them to sprinkle elsewhere in the yard. Such sweet little flowers!

Ready to call it a night tonight–except for the Hulu date I have with the Mr. before bed. Sooo…it’s off to laugh a little on the couch before turning in and closing the door on my second trimester. I will miss it. Indeed. Although I’m hopeful to hang on to this energy and general feeling of wellness for as long as I can manage. Another 12ish weeks, perhaps?!

three cheers for progress!

mm

P.S. H is 25 months old today. While the monthly updates were a delight to record, now that Hank’s reached two, I feel like this daily challenge (with threads of H woven in) are equally if not even more fun. SO…H, when you read this someday, I didn’t forget about your month-day this time around. Just acknowledging all of your growing up and the fact that you probably won’t want to read about yourself in quite the same way for endless months going forward. You are the apple of my eye, little man. Never doubt it! You, and this precious babe growing with fervor in my belly. Love you both, more than blog posts could ever say…

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weekend time! (92)

We have this little routine in our house that I absolutely adore. When Thursday night rolls around, we tell Henry that after J gets home from work on Friday it will be…you guessed it: “Weekend Time!!!” I wish you could hear the intonation and exuberance with which Henry repeats this phrase. His face gets all excited, eyebrows lifted and eyes as wide as can be, and then he says, “Weekend Time!” seemingly as one word, and with as much gusto as he can muster. It’s a favorite Henry-ism, for sure. I love these shenanigans because they’re so “us.” We’re all looking forward to the weekend ahead–to family time and a trip to the coffee shop, to the Farmer’s Market and church and time outside together. At this time of year, weekend time is enhanced by beach visits, ice cream, long walks, trips to the park, and plenty of work in the yard. There’s much to celebrate, even if we don’t have big plans. In fact, I think we like the unplanned weekends best of all–they leave room for extra playtime and naps and dinners out on the grill. They’re sometimes the reason we all hang in there the rest of the week 🙂

On the front end of the weekend, I usually like to try to get things in order as much as possible–shopping done, errands run, things around the house picked up, vacuumed, etc. to a good degree. Today was not entirely one of those days, although I had every intention of making it so. As I headed into the kitchen to make breakfast this morning, H bounced around the house with a giant ball…chasing it, kicking it, and torturing the dog with it as always. In a split second, he was diving after the runaway ball and I was watching his head make contact with the very solid kitchen doorframe. I lunged to grab him, but it was just too late. The tears were immediate, as was the black and blue spot–a terrible looking, swelling nugget taking shape on impact. I’m hard pressed to convince our active kiddo to use ice in almost any instance, but there was no way this big bad bump was escaping the relief of a cold pack today. So it was time to get creative. Enter: special breakfast. Cinnamon sugar toast and a sliced banana, served up on the couch with snuggles and a side of Handy Manny’s Big Construction Job on DVD. That, and a persistent ice pack. Thirty minutes in, we were good as new, with a bonus bump and bruise that will probably linger for a few days just for kicks.

"special breakfast," handy manny, and an ice pack. win.

“special breakfast,” handy manny, and an ice pack. win.

I won’t regale all of the details of the rest of our day, but highlights (and a lowlight or two) would include a $6 John Deere ride-on toy tractor at a killer garage sale, a FREE construction hard hat and Lowly Worm apple car for Henry (ten points for the “free” box today), traipsing around town, and H getting his arm stuck (and I mean, really stuck) between the bars of the seat in the cart at Target, replete with screaming in the checkout lane and yours truly frantically trying to free said appendage while paying for our things and hurrying out of the store with an inconsolable boy. Whew! Then lunch and a fairly routine afternoon, followed by a field trip to the most gigantic greenhouse I’ve ever laid eyes on. I thought we had entered greenhouse heaven. I mean, how many nurseries have a kettle corn stand and a junk wagon, a play area for kids, and more space than we could wander in an hour and a half? It goes without saying that we’ll be spending a good portion of the weekend out of doors, planting and sprucing up and officially welcoming the Spring season. Hello, Memorial Day Weekend!

this place goes on forever!

this place goes on forever!

All in all, I’ll give this particular Friday and 80% on the scale. I’m docking it 20% for all of the injuries our smallish person incurred throughout the course of the day. If I listed all of the falls and bumps here in one post, I’d have a few more paragraphs to go. Let’s just say I was very happy to tuck the munchkin safely into bed–surrounded by very soft things, a little while ago. Here’s to a day with more balance (and I do mean actual, physical balance;) in it tomorrow!

Ultimately, I think we made the best we could of the day, and we certainly prepped ourselves for a colorful and green thumb-ish kind of long weekend. The very best kind at the end of May, if you ask me.

look mom, a geranium!

look mom, a geranium!

my favorite little flower, with a flower ;)

a flower for my favorite little flower 😉

excited to get my hands dirty tomorrow! planters and window boxes and yard, here we come!

mm

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conversations with h. (93)

Soooo…the latest in our house is that Henry likes to make sure he’s keeping up with our conversations. If he’s in the room, and he’s not already part of the dialogue that’s taking place, we hear a carefully plotted out, “Soooo…..” from his corner of the world. Sometimes he precedes his “Soooo…” with a “Let’s talk!” or an “I want to talk with _________.” And then our conversations range in topic from there. Yesterday, we had a chat about the color of every piece of furniture in the room. The other night on a walk with daddy, the conversation was more about playing with cars and seeing a bug. The train of thought is random and on the spot, which makes it pretty hilarious. And it’s endearing that H wants in on all of our little chats.

While we’re getting a good laugh and appreciating this new (cute) stage of social development, we’re also trying to figure out when to catch up on things and get a word in edgewise with one another. With H’s recent fear of trains and the late nights we’ve all been pulling as a result, there’s not an abundance of time at the end of the day for adult conversation. Often, calendar comparisons, weekend plans, and the nitty gritty details of life are getting sorted out past midnight. I’m not sure either one of us is on our game in the wee hours, so this has made for an interesting dance as young parents as of late.

Tonight, I’m so grateful for J’s resilience with H in this very conversational and sometimes exhausting phase. We both worked today, and I’ve been having some pretty intense discomfort with baby #2, so I just didn’t have anything in me when bath and bedtime rolled around. We did all cozy up on our bed for story and prayer time, but otherwise, J took the reins and sent me upstairs to rest. For the first time all day, I wasn’t miserable in my skin, and it was doubly sweet to listen to the boys interact and laugh and wind down the evening together sans mommy. I love our bedtime routine and that sacred family time together every night, but I just didn’t have a bit of conversation or toddler wrangling left to give.

The munchkin has been in bed for a while now–post-snuggle with daddy, a lot of laughter, and a good amount of chatter about going to bed, H’s fear of trains, and plans for “weekend time!!!” It is so beautiful to me to watch H adore his daddy. Their growing friendship and relationship as father and son is a blessing to my heart. Sometimes I have to just sit back and observe from a distance to really see the magic (it’s so easy to be hands on and to want to be involved in every moment). Otherwise, on nights like tonight, I would miss the chance to see my little one pull his face close to daddy’s, I would never get to appreciate the team work and creativity that’s gone into hours of LEGO play, I wouldn’t know firsthand how to really play cars and do it well. And I would certainly miss out on hearing about the amazing adventures my boys dream up–trips out to the lighthouse, crazy fro-yo creations on a Tuesday night, and “Sooo….we went outside for a walk, and we saw an ant…and then…” And then.

toddler stories (and the really amazing dads who help create them) are quite possibly the best. at least, i’m inclined to think “sooo…”

mm