MollyMadonna.com

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feeling the pull. (24)

It’s not news to me that my heart will, in many ways, share itself in the very near days to come. Until now, Henry has had me all to himself, every day. So I face the same dilemma all mamas do when they expand their kiddo count from one to two…and I’m only a little nervous about it.

When I say “a little,” that’s really what I mean. I’m not sitting awake at night thinking about it or talking with numerous friends about how I’ll cope. I’m just acknowledging that this upcoming paradigm shift will make its mark as it happens, and that it’s ok to be a little uneasy about what that means for Henry’s heart as well as my own.

I’ve tried to be so careful as we prep for baby. It’s easy to say, “this is for baby,” “that’s baby’s,” “when the baby comes…” and I know that H is not oblivious to the adjustments happening all around him. He has embraced so much of this transition time so beautifully–I couldn’t ask for more from a two year old. But we’re all feeling the growing pains in different ways, and Henry’s way (I think) is to express himself with a good deal of volume when he’s frustrated. I’m fairly sure it’s his way of being certain he’s heard (which feels like reasonable behavior for a two year old system of rationale). We are hearing him loud and clear, and working painstakingly to make him feel heard (without allowing the tantrum-esque quality of his occasional lashing out to get out of hand).

As mama to both of these kiddos, I feel the heart tug that takes place. I know I’ll love this next sweet babe just as much as I do Henry, but differently. To meet this little one will most certainly be to fall in love all over again with our precious bundle–the same as we did when H arrived and for a long time after. It’s a grand and growing season for all of us. Hopefully, the gift of a sibling and the joy of having a baby around will negate some of the tension Henry is feeling as of late. We are so excited for him to be a big brother!

When the day comes, Henry will be the first to meet this little one…just as soon as we can get settled and get him there. I catch myself daydreaming about that moment–when he first holds the Button and takes him or her in. He has already promised to help by counting fingers and toes for me:) Surely we’ll take crazy amounts of photos and video, and Henry will be at the center of it all–just as we want him to be. And when we get home with the tiny little bundle we’re looking so forward to, H will no doubt make an excellent baby whisperer and partner in crime, even if there are a few growing pains to get out of the way first.

loving these two, their dad, and what it means for all of us to be family, together.

mm

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baby boom. (25)

So I’ve never known what’s it’s like to be called a baby boomer (we’ve left that up to our parents’ generation thus far), but I have a feeling that there’s something in the water, and that we’re likely to have a similar moniker when our children are of child bearing age. Maybe it’s one of those “if you drive a blue Jeep, you see blue Jeeps everywhere” kinds of scenarios, but I feel like over half of the families I know right now are having babies. And not just over the next six to nine months, but right now.  This month, next month–sometime before autumn arrives.

Facebook is exploding with birth announcements and cute, scrunchy new faces and beaming parents…and it’s only a matter of time before our timelines are doing the same as well. (I dislike Facebook in some ways, but I will say it’s good for keeping up on the bigger moments of peoples’ lives, at least:). There’s a lot of celebrating going on, a lot of new person naming, a ton of photography and video being captured, and many women literally pushing through the summer as they grow their families. I am thankful to be among them.

All of this baby having begs a few questions though, and they’ve been racking up in my mind over the past few weeks. How many of us will have chosen similar names for our kiddos? How much influence does the UK have on our own pop culture: will George be the new #1 name in the US, or in our area, after 2013 wraps up? Why, if every other woman I see is pregnant around here, do we not have better options for maternity apparel within a 20 mile radius? How many of us will be filing into the hospital on the same day, at the same time, to birth our babes? Should we start a club or something? 😉

Silly ramblings, I know, but it’s true that this baby craze is too abundant to ignore. There are new little ones everywhere! I’m not sure whether it’s our age, our town, whatever the weather was doing back in Oct/Nov/Dec of last year, but babies kind of rule the land at the moment. It’s fun to be in good company.

This post marks the three quarter point of my 100 day blogging adventure for the Button, and admittedly, it has been a harder commitment to keep this time around. It’s not because I don’t want to do it, or because it matters any less to me than the first time I took it on–it’s just that our days are more full than ever, and at the end of them, I’m running on E before I get to the computer. That being said, I hope our wee one will see this as an act of love, and that he or she will know even more how deeply I already cherish the life that is brewing within. 24 countdown days to go before we start counting up–we’ll see when baby decides to declare the finish line!

until then…blogging away,

mm

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naps and blueberries. (26)

Today was a napping house kind of day–a Monday following a busy weekend, where everyone in the house was extra sleepy and nothing called us away from these four walls. I’m quite grateful. We needed a down day, and although there will probably be plenty of those in the weeks to come, it was especially sweet to embrace the quiet time with HD while we wait for baby no. 2 to join us. We read books, had a slow moving breakfast, watched a little Sid the Science Kid and Sesame Street. Henry kept me company while I worked on further organizing my closet (did you know that shoe organizers make sweet multi-level garages for matchbox cars?), and we both napped for nearly three hours this afternoon. The rest was most welcome and fairly essential.

Then tonight, Henry got to head out on a sweet adventure with our amazing neighbors, and I got to enjoy the grocery store all by myself. I know that “enjoy” and “grocery store” don’t quite go together, but it was a huge blessing to be able to get there and back somewhat quickly, to shop with a small cart, and to keep my mind on my list and not much else. Meanwhile, Henry had a blast blueberry picking for the first time. I’m so thankful that our sweet friends didn’t mind capturing some photos for me (and even a little video) so I didn’t totally miss out on H’s experience 🙂

so intent. and content. i love this.

so intent. and content. i love this.

Sending Henry off tonight was a little foreign to me, but also a great step as I continue to grow more and more in trusting God’s protection and covering over our little man. If anyone was going to take Henry somewhere, he was in the exact right hands tonight. And my worry has nothing at all to do with the people I entrust him to–it has everything to do with my desire to protect him 110% and to be sure that he is safe and sound at all times. This has been an ongoing journey for me, as I’m sure it will be again with this next sweet bundle and whole new life to look after and hold dear. Still, nights like tonight are an important exercise–especially as God shows His faithfulness and returns Henry to me safely, with a big beaming smile across his face and the joy that comes with venturing out a little on your own. It’s good for everyone, and even in the harder moments where I just want to protect our babies forever, I’m learning to remind myself that this is true.

Really, our neighbors are just some of the greatest people God has put in our life in this season, and I feel like He uses them all of the time to remind me of His attentiveness to our hearts. Tonight, when I probably really needed a mommy break and the grocery shopping really needed to happen, God orchestrated a beautiful outing for H and two incredibly gracious and fun-loving people to provide the experience. On nights like tonight, I’m able to step back and really see God’s handprint on the day, and also His gentle nudging to let go and allow Him to move. Even in the simplest things like uninterrupted naps and freshly ripened blueberries, God is always showing up and making Himself known. I pray He’ll always do that in my life, and that I’ll always be open to seeing Him and trusting Him as life comes.

big blueberries and two year old joy.

big blueberries and two year old joy.

happy to trust in the Lord tonight. taking each day as it comes,

mm

ps: baby has been dancing in my belly like crazy today, and definitely making a move. do we really have 26 more days to go? time will tell, but this mama thinks we might be in for another incomplete 100 day countdown. and i can’t say i’d mind. maybe another 20 days or so? that ought to give us enough time to feel a bit more settled. can you mail order a due date, naturally? 😉

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with this ring. (27)

Little Button,

I know that I put you through your paces tonight, but it was all worthwhile 🙂 Someday, I’ll tell you the story of how two people (with very beautiful hearts) met and became friends and fell in love. And I’ll tell you all about how we got to watch them grow in that love and become more and more like each other, and how on one rainy and abnormally chilly summer day, they were married and committed their lives to one another forever and ever. It’s a wonderful story, really, and one that has made me consider just how I pray for you and your brother in the days and years ahead. Miss Elyn and Mr. Eric were married today. Your daddy and I were privileged to play a part in orchestrating the day, and I’m so thankful. Already, sweet little one, I pray that you would someday find a best friend and confidant and partner in life who is as equally yoked to you as these precious friends are to each other.

You were a trooper all day today, and I will keep praying that you continue to cooperate and stay tucked away for just a bit longer. I know you’ll come in your own time, but two or three more weeks would just be so good…more time for you to continue to grow healthy and strong, and more time for us to feel even more ready to meet you and to welcome you home. Tomorrow I’ll do my best to grant you a low key day–just you and your brother and I, hanging out and enjoying the mild temperatures here at the end of July.

When you grow up and the time comes for you to say “yes” to a boy, or to ask a girl to marry you, know that we want the absolute best for you as a husband or wife. With that, we pray that you will both know Christ and know Him well, and that you will use your lives to serve Him and one another. We pray that you will always maintain your servant heart towards your spouse, that you will cherish and value the sacred covenant of marriage, and that God will richly bless your lives with His abundant peace and provision. I know that you’re not even here in the world yet, but I don’t think we can ever begin to dream and pray too soon. You are so dear to me little one, and I want the best for you–always and everyday and everywhere for a lifetime!

thanks for being my wedding day companion today. Between you, your daddy and me, I think we made a really great team.

love you so much,

mama

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looking forward. (28)

There are some things in life we just have on the calendar for a long time–big, life changing kinds of events that we look forward to, or count down to, or set the rest of our days by for a while. Tonight, as we helped prepare for a milestone day in our friends’ lives, I just couldn’t help but think how dear a thing it is to surround–and be surrounded, when life’s biggest moments come our way.

Big moments like weddings and babies take a lot of preparation and love from a whole community. It’s possible to have a wedding or a baby without pouring your heart and soul into it, but how much more wonderful when we can really devote time and energy, love and intention to these incredible events? Looking around tonight as friends, parents, grandparents, siblings, and other family committed their time and hearts to a young, Godly, and joy-filled couple on the night before their wedding day, it was hard not to bubble over with joy myself. So many people had gathered, representing all of the love and depth of relationship that these two have built over their short lifetimes. The delight was palpable as friends exchanged hugs and conversation, and as the bride and groom expressed their gratitude and love for their closest community–and for each other.

On nights like this, or on days when I have the privilege of being a doula at yet another beautiful birth, I’m so blessed by the chance to celebrate–in complete fullness, the joy of the moment for others. And it feels like I can finally pay forward all of the times that someone has celebrated wholeheartedly with me. I am certain that this is what the love of Christ and the necessity of community is all about. When we take the time to really step back and look at the beauty in our lives, it’s hard to ignore God’s presence, His gift of relationship to us through others, His desire to delight us in the little things and the very biggest ones. It’s no wonder we set our calendars by the big moments sometimes. They’re the absolute culmination of so many days…of paths walked, of journeys weathered, of love poured out and energy spent. And they set us on a course to the next thing, and the next–all stepping stones for us in this life, allowing us the opportunity to glorify our Creator, to share the marrow of life with others, and to experience the fullness of grace and joy in the monumental. What a gift we have in relationship and friendship with the people we love!

I am so humbled by the community that we’ve been blessed with here, after moving away from “home” in Chicago over a decade ago and setting up camp in this pretty little place. Without family nearby for a long time, God somehow created for us a new foundation that has evolved into the most marvelous non-nuclear family we could ask for. This amazing couple we’re celebrating all weekend is a piece of that–a part of our second family. And the dynamic and depth of friendship and support we have come to know and love so dearly is a very bright spot in our world. Looking to tomorrow for these friends, and then the next few weeks as our own countdown continues, the richness of life is just so palpable and apparent in this timing. I’m so grateful for these perfectly ordained moments in each of our lives, and for the chance to celebrate them together.

delighting in what’s ahead,

mm