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as it turns out. (day 27)

Driving home from the hospital tonight after meeting a dear friend‘s sweet new baby girl, I had a few moments to embrace the joy that was so present in the hospital room–the kind that comes from cradling a day old baby and visiting with two delighted parents as they share their love for someone who has, and will, change their lives forever.

Today was a rough day for me in mommy-land. When it was fresh, I had grandiose ideas of a family trip down to the farmer’s market, a walk downtown and a picnic in the park. With a forecast boasting 78 degrees and sunny, I was determined to make the most of what I thought could be a picture perfect Saturday. But this was before I knew that Henry would want to feed every hour from 6:15am on, that I’d still (begrudgingly) be in pajamas at 11am, that I’d change clothes a few times due to feeding mishaps, and that we’d still be sitting in the living room trying to sort out the day just before 2pm. We did make it downtown eventually, scrapping the farmer’s market and picnic altogether, and we made it about 45 minutes–with dad rocking Henry the whole time, before the rain started and we headed back home.

This was not one of my shining moments as a mom. Admittedly frustrated with not being able to satisfy the little guy, I just wanted to give up trying. I never want to give up on Henry, of course, but the idea of being his sole source of food and nourishment can be overwhelming at times, and today was no exception. Thankfully, after we returned home and I fed Henry one more time, he had tired himself out enough for us both to get in a nap. It’s amazing, but two hours of sleep feels like an entire night in this newborn season, and I woke up with fresh eyes for the night ahead.

Naturally, I was thrilled to be able to sneak away (after feeding Henry again) to meet a precious new baby and to be away from the house for a little while. And although I was only gone just over an hour, the “quiet” time away was much needed after a day like today. The drive home was reflective and sweet, as “In Christ Alone” played on the radio and I was reminded once again that there truly is redemption in every single day. I came home to a still-fussy baby, more feeding and more wondering how to make life easier for Henry…for all of us. But I am a bit more able to manage than I was earlier.

Perspective is a beautiful thing, and God was gracious to me tonight. He is always attentive to our needs in the hard spaces, and as it turns out, He had His hand on me–on us, and on one more day. Although we’re facing a rough patch and needing a little more tangible encouragement than we might always require, I’m so grateful to be able to see where God is waiting when I’m desperately craving the kind of comfort that only He can provide.

challenged to embrace the hard things, the lessons, and the sweet new things in life tonight,

mm

*undoubtedly, there are more moments like this in our future:

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baby dear. (9)

Sweet baby boy or baby girl,

You have been growing so big and strong these past nine months. Each day, you remind me of how precious you are as you kick and move and grow in my belly. It is a privilege to carry you.

All along, I’ve thought about the many things I want to teach you and show you as you learn and grow, but already, you have taught me more than I could imagine as your mommy. Together, we are going to take on the world–one feeding, one song, one pitter-patter step at a time, until we’ve filled up all of our days with laughter and memories and simple delights. I know that when I set eyes on you for the first time, my heart will nearly stop as I marvel at your every feature…at how incredible you are. Your daddy and I can’t wait to hold you and bring you home to our family; we’ll never be “two” again, and we’re so ready and anxious to settle in with you as “three.” Our lives are already forever changed by you, little one.

You are a tremendous gift to us, and soon, you will be here to greet the world. As your mommy and daddy, we will afford you every opportunity and bit of love that we are capable of, and when we have done that, we’ll try to give you even more. We’ll introduce you to grandparents and Aunt B and Uncle T, to the rest of our family and all of our friends. For a long time, we’ll take you with us, wherever we go, not wanting you out of our sight. I know that I’ll have trouble paying attention to much else besides our little family, and I wouldn’t want it any other way.

So, baby boy or girl, with all of your delicate features and developing thoughts and soft, perfect baby skin, we are here and peacefully waiting. We’re waiting to meet you and to get to know you and to introduce ourselves as we introduce this beautiful world to a son or daughter who is loved SO much. Until then, I am loving carrying you. We have become the best of friends already–you keeping me in the very best company and me, learning how to think of you before I think of myself. Thank you for shaping me in these past 39 weeks…I am so proud, so taken by you, and I haven’t even met you yet.

unconditionally,

your mommy (mm)

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dinner decisions. (35)

Last night, in “highly unmotivated mode,” I made macaroni and cheese from a box for dinner. Jason helped by slicing apples, and we sat down to a very ho-hum meal at 8pm. This isn’t exactly how I like to prepare food on most days, but it was an off night and I just didn’t want to try very hard. I know we’re both over it by now, and there’s good reason to keep a few boxes of Kraft Mac ‘n Cheese in the pantry, but still…

When time permits, I LOVE to be in the kitchen. I’m definitely more drawn to cooking than baking–probably because I like to be able to enjoy what I’ve just made, and a savory, inventive meal almost always appeals more to me than dessert. I do love the idea of baking Christmas cookies in season, making sweet treats for our kids and their friends when they’re older, etc. But for the most part, I prefer to go a little off-recipe at times, and baking just isn’t as conducive to that habit. Instead, I’m a fan of any sort of ethnic cuisine and love to go out on a limb every once in a while. Jason and I both like spicy food, so rich, bold flavor is something I’m always trying to get right.

Ironically, despite the joy that comes with preparing a well-rounded, flavorful meal, I am often at a loss for what to make–especially during a busy work week. I suspect this will change a bit when I have more time at home during the day; I just want to expand my repertoire beyond things like tacos, spaghetti, chili, breakfast for dinner, stir fry and chicken tikka masala. I also long for the days when the grill is back in session and I can prep kabobs or burgers or fruit to make for perfect summer meals out-of-doors. Between the backyard patio, the farmer’s market and my grill-master of a husband, our summer fare is just so much more enjoyable than my routine stove top, oven and crock pot recipes.

So, as I prepare to have a bit more time to focus in the kitchen, and as I seek to better round out my culinary skills, I’m just curious…what recipe(s) do you recommend? Which ones are your go-to menu items, and which do you save for company or more labor intensive kitchen prep? What meals do you suggest for a brand new mom who is juggling life in a different way than before? What is your favorite item in the International aisle at the grocery store?

Any and all suggestions are welcome. I’m excited to mix things up a bit around here–and to be able to think a little better outside of the (mac ‘n cheese) box.

ready to tie on the apron,

mm

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dresser contest winner :)

And the winner is…Andrea R., who not only guessed correctly on dresser #4, but was also the randomly drawn pick when all of the other “extra” entries were added to the mix. Congrats, Andrea!! Please email me with your mailing address at mollymadonna@gmail.com, and I’ll send your copy of Deceptively Delicious right on its way to you 🙂

Thanks to all who entered! It was fun to read all of your guesses and to get your thoughts on what dresser would suit baby’s room best.

The winning piece arrived this afternoon and is now sitting happily in the nursery. A few shots of it in its new home:

the dresser is painted with a weathered look, so it has that vintage feel i was hoping for!

the top doors swing open...

...to reveal ample drawer space for all of baby's things 🙂

i can't wait to see this with the new bedding after this weekend. turquoise and yellow and grey (and orange and olive:) delight!

wish i could decorate nurseries for a living!

mm

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baby’s best friend. (67)

Since we transitioned our bedroom into the nursery, Kruger (our two year old black lab) has been a little inside out. He made the move with us across the hall, consequently losing his space in the nook, his favorite window, and all rights to the baby’s room on the whole. At first it was because we were painting, but now it’s because baby is coming and I can’t stand the idea of dog hair in the new carpet, the crib, or anywhere else the little one is going to rest his or her sweet head.

This has been torturous for the clingy pup, who likes to follow my belly around everywhere (and especially into the closet and forbidden nursery). When the door opens, it’s obvious that he’s already calculated his next move as he darts past to sniff out the latest baby toy or shower gift. This morning was no exception.

Admittedly, sometimes I cave. He’s too cute, and fairly hard to resist. He made his way into my closet and cozied up on the floor under my hanging clothes. He was, as usual, inconveniently underfoot; I eventually shooed him out and finished getting ready sans my four-legged friend.

As I was leaving the house a bit later, I poked my head into our room to say goodbye to the little (ok, big) guy, but he wasn’t curled up in the usual spot on his bed. I assumed Kruger had followed Jason downstairs and was on the couch or elsewhere roaming around. But as I went to leave and called him one more time, I didn’t hear the familiar jingle of his collar anywhere in the house. He almost always follows me to the door, and something just didn’t sync up. I went on a little Kruger hunt here and there, and wound up upstairs again–no dog in sight. None, that is, until I opened up the nursery door. There, in the middle of the room, Kruger was all sprawled out and looking up at me as if to say, “What’s up, mom? And why’d you close me in here?”

I had to laugh. But more than that, I’m so thankful I had the little inkling to check on him. Sneaky as he is, I didn’t realize he’d cozied up again in the nursery, and I would have left him there all day with every baby thing and the leftover paint supplies to boot.

Kruger made his way downstairs and wagged me off to work as is routine. And I drove away thinking about how short-lived my ban on dogs in the nursery will probably last. I’d imagine just about until a 3am feeding, when the pup curls up on the floor at my side as I nurse and rock the baby back to sleep.

Our fine furry friend might be sneaky, but he’s as sweet as can be, too. He and the babe will be fast friends, I’m sure, and keeping them apart just won’t work. Kruger has become part of the furniture around here, it’s safe to say. Very few Kehrers in this household can go without a dose of him for too long and, well…apples don’t fall very far from trees 🙂

grateful for our trusty–albeit tricky, canine companion.

mm

sleepy in the sunshine.