MollyMadonna.com

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you and all of your shiny objects. (44)

Dear Costco,

Against all third trimester wisdom, the kids and I paid you a visit this morning. It seemed like a trip I couldn’t avoid. There’s a birthday party weekend coming up, and our house has been awfully empty of many staples for the past few weeks. Perhaps I didn’t calculate these two realities together–party needs and household needs in one fell swoop. If I had, I might have realized a little sooner that their sum was likely too great for this mama to handle.

My cart runneth over.

I stuck largely to my list, and in spite of this, there was room for nary a cucumber by the time I dragged our haul to the checkout lane. Don’t get me wrong, I’m so grateful for the means to pack a cart full within your walls, to feed my people and to throw a party. It’s just too easy to forget that nearly every package in your aisles weighs a hefty amount, and I didn’t calculate the overreaching workout for what it might be today–not even close.

Then, of course, you had deals on jeans and staple kids’ items that were better than anywhere else, and I have to admit, I caved in that department. Saving money in the long run is a hallmark quality of so many of your products, but I can’t say I loved the final number at the checkout. It is always alarming, no matter how much I gear up for the final bill before I flash my card.

It’s just that you’re so shiny, Costco.

You, with all of your organic items and your sample food carts and your seasonal deals. You’re too much sometimes, really. To know you is to love you and to develop a healthy fear of you as well.

There’s a line from one of my all time favorite movies that comes to mind whenever I enter your coveted gates: “And we are the Price Club. Only instead of a ten-gallon vat of olive oil for $3.99 that won’t even fit in your cabinet, we sell cheap books.” (You’ve Got Mail)

Oh, but you sell both, Costco, and you do it so well. Your products are something great, and your siren song keeps calling to us as mothers of growing children, who, in their youth, have quite quickly become loyal to your brand and your every item as well.

Today, I was thankful for your current furniture display and the wisdom of our five year old who, right before reaching the checkout lane, suggested maybe we “just sit for a few minutes and take a rest.” Never has he appeared more brilliant or astute than in that moment, when I just parked our four hundred pound cart to the side and sunk back into the pillows for a short break before “the moving of all of the things” part two occurred. Thank you for your hospitality, my friend. I hope you don’t mind.

When I left your store this afternoon, taking with me the contents of not one, but two carts on our way out the door (a new personal record, to be sure), I was admittedly overwhelmed. Costco staff and cart handlers came to this pregnant mama’s rescue, pushing one cart to the exit and helping me to unload the contents of both carts into the car for the drive home. If only I could have borrowed the extra help for the unfortunate unloading that took place once we arrived back in our driveway a little later on…

At the end of the day, I am still grateful to you for your product line-up, and for offerings that, in the long run, do save us money and keep our pantry stocked. My overwhelm today was not your fault in the least bit–just evidence of the state I’m in and proof that mamas with 2.8 babes in tow should not party plan and attempt to stock their household in the same trip. You’ve outdone yourself again, you ginormous warehouse full of shiny objects, you.

I’ll be back again in September.

counting my trip as a workout (or four;),

mm

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meeting betsy lu. (47)

Dear Baby,

I met your cousin this weekend. She is teeny tiny and perfect. I snuggled her as much as I could on this short trip out to Colorado, and you made yourself known each time I rested her on my belly, which was sweet and cute and kind of painful. I loved it anyway. What a precious thing to be holding her on the outside and growing you on the inside at the same time! Her name is Betsy Lu.

Meeting Betsy Lu. Time spent like this is good for the soul.

Meeting Betsy Lu. Time spent like this is good for the soul.

When you are born, itsy bitsy Betsy and your Aunt Bridget will travel our way to come and meet you. I can’t wait to put you both side by side and to capture your sweetness together at once. With only about two months between you, give or take, I hope you’ll grow up to be dear friends.

There’s nothing better than snuggling a baby fresh from heaven, especially when he or she is your very own or belongs to someone you love dearly. This has been a precious few days for me–cuddling your new cousin, visiting with Auntie B and Uncle Teddy, and spending time with your older cousins, too…it was just what I needed to be doing this weekend. Tomorrow, you and I will be glad to see your dad, brother and sister when we return home, but in the meantime, we’re taking in all of the Colorado goodness we can absorb. As your mama, these days visiting Betsy and our family are ones I know your aunt and I won’t forget for a long time. There’s just too much sweetness in it all.

It’s been a great time away, but a long few days, too, and I’m quite tired. You are the busiest little jumping bean in there, always shifting and moving and trying to decide where to be. It’s time we head to bed to gear up for a day of travel tomorrow 😉

I love you and I have loved getting you and baby Betsy together for the first time. Even though you don’t know it yet, you’ll also be spreading joy and doling out snuggles in my arms oh-so-soon. I can hardly wait!

so much love to you, sweet babe.

your mama

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room for love. (53)

This is going to come as a surprise to many, but I don’t remember a thing about my nursery from childhood.

Not one thing.

I can tell you a bit about what it looked like from a handful of 1980s photographs, and I could call my mom to ask her and report back, but my own recollection of the space is nonexistent. Can you imagine?

Cozied up in my nursery as a fresh little one. It was beautiful, I'm sure. But I was mostly interested in sleeping like a baby.

Cozied up in my nursery as a fresh little one. The room was beautiful, I’m sure. But I was mostly interested in sleeping like a baby.

As I flit about from place to place when time permits, adding a new frame, a table lamp, or an accessory to our baby’s nursery here or there, I wonder what drives me to want to create a themed, idyllic space for baby to rest in. Although there’s likely to be photographs, he or she will not remember.

So is it baby that’s driving me? Or the excuse to decorate a space anew? Is it Pinterest, or pressure from some external source, or the fact that I selfishly want a calm, pretty space to spend time in as I rock, nurse and care for our littlest?

Is it the sheer opportunity to do something tangible for baby before he or she actually takes up residence in our home? A way of nesting with flair that gives me something to put my energy into, that’s specifically for this baby, and that allows me a creative outlet and distraction as time passes by?

Yes.

I actually think it’s a little bit of all of these things. Nowadays, we’re one click away from images of drop dead amazing spaces created for babies, so it’s hard not to want a piece of that ourselves. It’s also hard to crave caring for the wee people we’re growing inside without being able to do something tangible about it. Maybe creating a space for baby is an absolutely helpful part of the process of pregnancy, even though he or she will most likely want to just snuggle mom and not care much at all about the colors of the walls or the artfully crafted decor.

It finally feels like it’s time to get moving on baby’s space around here, and I think putting it off until now has been both helpful and hard. I love how change and progress in that room make baby feel closer than ever. I love dreaming about who he or she will be and trying to figure out how my inclinations for decorating the space this time could reflect parts of baby’s character and personality.

It’s fun to see a vision come together and to feel like you’ve had a direction all along, even when you didn’t yet have it in plain view.

And while decorating a nursery is somewhat superfluous and actually unnecessary, I think it can be a healing, hopeful, forward-moving exercise that reflects our natural inclinations to prepare for baby and birth.

There are a million ways you could deck out a dedicated space for your little one, as Pinterest can attest. But it doesn’t have to be complicated, over the top, or expensive to make it your own. It just has to feel like it’s right for your baby. It has to be a place you can tuck away to–one that preserves the very nature of your own new motherhood in its earliest days.

What simple words or pictures can you put on the walls that will inspire or uplift you when you see them? What colors create calm and openness and a feeling of rest for you? What can you repurpose or refurbish without too much trouble that would give a piece of furniture (and baby’s nursery) new life?

Lately I’m tossing around all kinds of ideas about a room for the Bean. Most of all, I know that I want it to feel calm, inviting and restorative, without frills or crazy expenditures.

We’re going to do a lot of life in the nursery in days to come. Granted, much of it may be in the dark in the wee hours of the night, but it’s still going to be the place where we get to know each other outside of my womb. I want it to be hospitable for baby, and I want it to be lovely for all who enter there.

I may not remember what my nursery looked like as a baby, but I do know there was a lot of care tucked inside the walls. I think if I decorate with that in mind, the rest will fall into place as it should.

a little goes a long way, but I’ve got to remind myself of it. there’s no competition as we decorate our babies’ spaces. there’s only room for love.

mm

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turned around and upside down. (54)

I came a little unglued today. The calendar can’t win with me lately, because I’m either wishing I had more time to get things done before baby comes, or I’m wanting the next six or seven weeks to hurry up so our little one is here. I want to savor this pregnancy as I have the others, but it has been the hardest by far and each day pushes me in new ways than before.

Not complaining. Just being truthful.

There are still a lot of days where I feel pretty well considering how far along I am and how much I try to do in a 24 hour period, but then there are days like today, when I feel like I’m paying for all of my recent activity and then some. I haven’t rested very well since about 26 weeks, so I’m a bit short on sleep. I know this magnifies moments that wouldn’t otherwise phase me. It’s just a tough dance between wanting to be joyful and upbeat about everything, but sometimes being completely miserable in spite of every best effort.

Baby can’t seem to decide where to settle. He or she has been breech for a number of weeks, but also moves around constantly. It’s not the flutters and kicks I remember well from the past, but more like tumbling and punching throughout the day and for most of the night. Of course there was tumbling and punching with the other two as well, but I really do feel like my entire middle section is one large bruise. Sometimes it’s hard not to be a little defeated by my inability to get comfortable.

I need baby to settle and to flip into the right position so that we can both rest just a bit. I really do. If you’re the praying kind and you’re reading this, I would so appreciate you offering up a little prayer that baby would sort him or herself out in the right direction. 🙂

I still want to be so engaged with the kids, and I’m taking every opportunity that I can. I’m sure by now they’re tired of hearing, “No, honey, I’m sorry,” or, “I can’t right now, but after the baby comes I will definitely be able to do that again.” It’s not what they want at all. It’s not what I want. I’d love to be able to pick up Eloise and tote her around with ease, but that’s all changing, and it’s a stage that’s not going to end for a while. I hope that she’s not past the “Can I hold you?” phase before I’m able to accommodate again.

IMG_0136

This might capture a bit of how we’re all feeling in moments lately. Eloise, I love you, and I’d hold you all day long if I could!

I’m often searching for the thing behind the thing when life feels hard or I’m struggling through an issue. What is the lesson in it? What can I take away? How does this experience make me a stronger/better/more compassionate/more flexible person?

I keep asking myself these same questions throughout this pregnancy, but I suspect the clarity will come on the other side of it when I’m holding our baby daily (or perhaps, long after). It’s not lost on me that I can’t see everything, and that God can use every bit of the daily pain and harder challenges to strengthen me as a person. I’m grateful for that part. I just wish I was more able to weather it all with grace on days like today.

Sometimes I get it wrong, sometimes I get it right. And sometimes, although I know how I want to respond, internal, external, physical and hormonal factors prevent me from just gliding through the moment with finesse. I’m learning best of all in this pregnancy that my ability to control things is limited. Maybe I should have that lesson down far better by now, but apparently it’s something I still need to practice.

Tonight, I’m thankful for some respite from the physical pain I was in earlier today, and I’m so grateful that Jason and my mom were here to run interference on the home front while I took a long and unanticipated rest this afternoon. I don’t always do well to acknowledge my limitations, and I prefer just to soldier through. Sometimes a husband/mom duo is the only combo that creates space for me to give in to where I really am, to shed tears if they need to come, and to be honest with myself about what I’m actually feeling.

So many emotions. A lot of physical challenges this time. But day by day, week by week, we’re baby steps closer to this little one who will bring so much joy. Of course it will all feel worth it then, and the clear recollection of the hard parts will slip away. It’s one of those things that God knew needed to be the process, right? So that we could bear the difficulties for a season, be motivated to give birth when the time is right, and then be so head over heels in love with our new babes that we would do it all over again in a heartbeat.

I can’t wait for that day, or that feeling, but I don’t want to rush it.

slow and steady wins the race. or has a baby. 😉 thank goodness for the baby part!

mm

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hello, august! (60)

When I woke up this morning, something magical happened. My answer to one of pregnancy’s most frequently asked questions became, “Next month!”

Now that’s a good feeling.

Today was a full one. Camp for Henry in the morning, grocery shopping with my favorite girl, camp pickup, grocery unloading and putting away (hey, I’m counting that as a big deal when it’s over 80º and I’m this pregnant, ok? 🙂 ), lunch time, play time, vacuuming, nap time (during which not a single soul was napping), prep for tonight’s maternity pictures (eek!), refereeing (because, no napping), more prep, dinner prep, a bit more photo prep, family/maternity/headshot photos, kiddos still up an hour past bedtime, chillin’ like a villain on the couch at these keys and contemplating some DF ice cream to put a cap on it all. Because in all honesty, I do not think I’ve stopped perspiring since about 9am, and ice cream feels like the right choice right about now. (Might still have to sneak cereal and blueberries somewhere in there, too. That’s just how baby and I roll.)

"Mom, can we look at the flowers today? Can I have all of these at my birthday party?" She makes me stop and smell the flowers in a good way all of the time--even when grocery shopping.

“Mom, can we look at the flowers today? Can I have all of these at my birthday party?” She makes me stop and smell the flowers in a good way all of the time–even when grocery shopping.

It occurred to me last night that our little bean will likely be up every night at 11:30p.m.(ish), ready and waiting for a feeding to replace all of this late night cereal consumption. Am I programming our baby in a dangerous way here? I might be.

Just means I’ll have a little pal to hang out with in my night owl state for a while. I’m good with that.

Have I mentioned we’re getting a new couch before then?! I couldn’t be more excited about this fact. Our current couch is fine and all, but I cannot comfortably sit and nurse a baby at all hours on this lovely piece of furniture anymore. I don’t know if it’s me or the furniture, but a new spot to perch from was something I petitioned for a few months back when I started thinking toward the late night feedings in my future. We’re looking forward to a little change-up on the furniture front to coincide with our paint swapping in the living room. Can’t wait to see it all come together!

August and September are decidedly “pull it all together” months around here this year. I’m so happy to have arrived at their beginning. I am not a wish-summer-away kind of girl by any stretch, but it does feel good to be rounding the corner on some bigger things that have been a long time coming, like a new couch, let’s say. Or fresh paint. Or maybe a brand new human. There it is. That’s the big one. “Next month.”

Such a good thing.

I could squeal with delight at the thought of holding this fresh new babe in my arms. It’s getting close enough that I can feel it now. It’s no longer far from reach. Amazing.

Tonight during pictures, our littlest love was hopping around in my belly, as if he or she knew they were the star of the show. Beautiful. Nothing could make me happier than our four, marveling together at the thought of our newest family member growing healthy and strong. May it be so!

I’m still somehow full of energy tonight–a surge that surprised me today in a timely way. I hope I can coast on this kind of wave for a bit longer now. I could get so much done! If not, I’ll take what I can get as it comes. With each wake up, we’re one day closer. August is already here somehow, and September isn’t trailing far behind…

celebrating the little things with a full heart,

mm