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Thirty Weeks and Learning to Count. (71/70)

Today’s the day–thirty weeks and three quarters of the way through growing this babe and I can hardly believe it! This is a milestone I’ve had on my heart and mind for a very long time. The reassurance each day that our little one has had 24 hours more to grow and develop feels so significant. One step closer.

On the heels of a very full week, this day felt as much like a recuperation day as we could make it. It was sweet to watch my belly roll back and forth and bump at every turn as I sat outside watching J and the kids play in the water this afternoon. It was fun taking H out for dinner before his baseball game tonight, just mom and dad and our oldest celebrating the end of a school year with Friday night fare and ice cream. It was beautiful to sit with E and watercolor earlier in the day, just because. And it was cozy to have our littlest snuggle up to me this morning and throughout the day, always making sure to pay attention to the baby when he did. There are a lot of moving parts in our household as a family of 5.75, but sometimes the slow, “evolve on their own” pace of days bring out the best in us. While J and I both had meetings throughout the morning, our crew weathered the “musts” and made our way to the beginning of the weekend with great joy. To be entering into a few days without a set agenda is just so right and timely for our household. This time of year really is my favorite.

Outside of celebrating thirty weeks and rejoicing in all things summer, there’s not much else to report tonight. Just one other minor detail, I guess, and that’s that I can’t seem to count (or at least, I couldn’t when I calculated 100 days here at the beginning). Turns out that today is actually 70 days from my due date (!), which means we’re even a tad closer to the finish line than I thought. Instead of tacking on an extra day of this exercise, I’ve decided to mark the thirty week point with a victory lap and count today as a combo entry. So, little one, when you read this someday, know that I’m fully vested in recording this time for you, but…tonight, your mama is very excited about rolling two days worth of love for you together into one. Ten more weeks, give or take. We can do all things with God leading the way, kiddo!

MM

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Summer Break is Here! (72)

While two of our three school-aged kiddos wrapped up the year two weeks ago, our oldest finished his year this past Friday. As I scrolled through my IG feed earlier today, with all of the last day of school pics everywhere, I was reminded again just how highly anticipated this time of year can be for everyone. Tonight I definitely feel those same feelings and am eager to live out summer to the fullest. We had family in town this past week, and while we all enjoyed heading down to our beach a few times and exploring an animal park one day in the summer heat, my mind was busy with meal plans and logistics just as much as it was keyed into fun; I don’t know if it registered that summer break had officially arrived. Tonight, I’m thinking about the joy our kiddos shared when I explained that tomorrow morning could be a “jammies morning, ” where they can stay in pjs until some much too late hour. It’s the little things in life, right?

I think I’ve held this summer on a bit of a pedestal in the months leading up to it…I’ve known all this time that the weeks between the end of school and the start of a new school year are what would mark the countdown to baby and this big change coming to all of our lives. Summer in my head was twelve weeks long, but as of tomorrow, there are just ten on the calendar between now and my due date. Ten weeks! It’s still feeling so close and so far away. But summer days always slip by faster than we’d like, don’t they? So I’m anticipating looking back and feeling the same way again when there are eight weeks, four weeks, two weeks to go. The fact that we get to spend these next weeks playing and creating, being outside, heading to the beach, attending camps and creating memories all together again…it’s just so, so good for all of our hearts.

Over the years, I’ve grown accustomed to having all of our kids home for the most part. This past semester (with our oldest back in school full time) was an adjustment for me for sure–for all of us. Now it just feels really natural for him to be here with us, and for our days to stretch out before us with him back in the mix. I’m so thankful for this time as a family before we grow in number and into something new. It’ll be beautiful then, I know, but this is, too.

I hope we can nurture our hearts, minds, bodies and spirits with intention, relaxation, joy and rest over these next weeks and months. I hope that they feel restorative, balanced and well-rounded. I know that I’ll feel bigger and likely more tired as time goes on, so this will be a summer of practicing grace and modeling kindness with each other as we weather the changes together. There are plenty of things to do or accomplish before baby arrives, but hopefully at a peaceful pace that allows room for things to unfold without too much added stress. We’re going to work on being gentle with ourselves, so that we’ve exercised those muscles before we really need them even more in the fall.

Summer is upon us and that is just one of the most hopeful, lovely things! The weather can already attest to the season (goodness, it feels like mid-July out there!) and our hearts are ready for time to refresh. I’m looking forward with so much good in mind!

MM

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Abundance. (80)

I’m not sure where to begin about today. It was so rich with unexpected kindnesses and sweetness that I’m just sitting here so humbled tonight. Today I turned 39. Even that mere fact feels like a giant gift. 39 years on this earth and 39 years to grow into more of who I’m called to become…the importance of not taking days for granted is not lost on me, and I am thankful for every one.

On the heels of last night’s not feeling well, I woke up this morning still needing to shake off some of my dis-ease and worry. I hadn’t slept incredibly well, and I could feel the weight of things hanging onto the start of a new day. This wasn’t how I hoped to send out 38, or how I would have picked to welcome 39, either. But I knew I needed to choose optimism to shift the course of the day, and I really wanted to be able to enjoy it. Praying with H on the way to school was the catalyst; gratitude has a way of sneaking beyond the haze and clearing up my perspective time and again. Good thing, because I was in curmudgeon mode, and I surely didn’t want to take everyone else with me.

As the day unfolded, so many moments and little delights crossed my path that I didn’t see coming. I was mostly ok with my very grown up birthday falling on an average Wednesday and calling it at that, but God is so generous and kind. J blew up sixty balloons into an arch decoration for the fireplace, and his efforts greeted me this morning when I came down the stairs. Friends stopped by, and our brief-ish visit set everyone’s moods on a better course. What’s more, every time I think about our kiddos running around the yard with their friends this morning, my heart could burst a bit. It was a long-awaited visit that happened on the perfect day and fed all of our souls in the best way possible.

From there, lunch with another friend outside, with the sun on all of our faces on this incredible weather day…a planned meetup, but without set expectations that turned out to be more goodness for all of our hearts. By the time we arrived at school pick up, there had just been moment after moment to be grateful for all day long. Connections with friends and family. Sweet messages and packages in the mail with homemade greetings and drawings. Our kiddos each giving me some of their own money, tucked into beautiful handmade cards “so that I could get myself something for my birthday.” The total sum? $4.44, and just enough to buy a coffee sometime or to bring a few flowers home from the market. (I attempted to give it back, but they insisted.) An envelope filled with hug coupons from our crew…and the list goes on. It truly wasn’t the gifts at all today, but the thoughtfulness behind each one that made me feel like the luckiest 39 year old on the planet.

Tonight we drove a few towns over to try out a beautiful market for dinner and to find ice cream to enjoy along the water as the kids admired boats in the marina. J found a sweet little (easy) spot to head down to the beach afterwards, where the kids collected rocks to their delight, running along the sand and jumping on logs and skipping stones into the water. The sun wasn’t quite close to setting, but the sky was putting on a color show the whole time. When C announced as we all piled back into the car that, “this was the BEST birthday day ever!” I couldn’t have agreed more. Having almost zero expectations meant that the whole day unfolded with surprise and grace abundant. I feel so undeserving, and yet, I can 100% celebrate God’s goodness and generosity and kindness to me in every aspect. Our littlest babe bumping around in my belly tonight is the perfect cap on all things–the reassurance that all is well and the beauty of dreaming about who our honeybee will become…it’s all overwhelming in the best ways.

I’m capturing this all here because I don’t want to forget it, not a bit. Tomorrow will come and likely bring with it its own highs and lows, and that’s just fine. Sometimes you need red letter day to get you over a hurdle and onto the next thing, and today felt like that to me. It’s so healthy to be reminded of all of the good, and to be able to savor new memories with the people we love. My heart didn’t know how much it needed the opportunity.

Maybe today isn’t any indication of the year ahead, or maybe it is. Regardless, I have felt God’s presence near today. His grace covering over me, His mercies falling thick. I never want to forget that there are days like this, or to mistake “normal” days as insignificant. They all add up to these years we’re living and trying to live well. Abundance, no doubt.

MM

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Ten Joyful Things. (84)

I just love this time of year. With the sun shining and the temps warming up, there’s a lot to be upbeat about. Here’s a list of ten things (in no particular order) that are currently bringing me joy:

  1. Greenhouse visits. Who doesn’t love a sprawling greenhouse in the springtime? Buying new flowers to plant/pot/hang always makes me so happy. I love picking out a blend of new varieties I haven’t tried and standbys that feel like old friends.
  2. Iced lattes and hot tea. On cool mornings, a cup of tea is still my favorite, but now that I’m in my third trimester (and after no coffee of any kind for a loooooong time), I’ve allowed myself a few iced decaf oat milk lattes and they’ve been such a treat!
  3. Books on Kindle. Jason can finally say “I told you so,” here. I resisted the Kindle for the longest time in favor of hard copies of books. I’ll still always prefer the hard copy, but I have to admit that having a book on my Kindle means I read more often. Here’s to actually finishing books in 2021.
  4. Open windows. Goodness, it feels amazing to have the house open and a fresh breeze blowing through!
  5. Hearing our kiddos laugh. We watched a movie together tonight and H appreciated so many funny parts. C laughs at the drop of a hat and then makes himself laugh some more, and E’s laugh is completely contagious. Joyful noise is the very best kind.
  6. Church. Soaking in worship and teaching on Sunday mornings has been a lifeline for a long time, but I crave it especially these days. Having our kids sit with us is really a gift to my heart. It’s not always perfect, but interacting together in the pew each Sunday matters to me. I hope they’ll always think of church together as a family priority and value.
  7. Watching H play baseball. It just feels so right to be at ball games at this time of year, and watching H learn new aspects of the game makes my baseball-loving self awfully happy. As long as he enjoys it, I will, too.
  8. Seeing people’s faces. Wow, it just feels like way too long since being face to face with others was a regular occurrence. I think it’s been healing for all of our hearts to see smiles again. We’re just not wired to miss out on facial expressions and to have our minds working overtime to read eyes and eyebrows and figure out who’s who. For our kids especially, this feels so important.
  9. Having a food craving or clear appetite. My food tendencies have been so strange this pregnancy, and I rarely know what, if anything, sounds good to eat. When I have a specific craving or my appetite perks up, it’s so much easier (and more enjoyable) to prepare and eat food. I can’t say there’s one food I’ve wanted consistently throughout the past seven months–the only consistent thing has been that nothing sounds amazing. Being matter of fact about food is totally ok, but it’s really nice to be excited about it every once in a while.
  10. Organizing all the things. It seems like we have far to go before I’ll feel “ready” for baby and fully nested (is that even a thing?), but in general, my heavy inclination to nest and settle in these days means I’m always trying to tackle a different project. Checking things off of my list is so gratifying, and having the energy to accomplish something I’ve wanted to do for a while feels amazing. I don’t always have the energy for things beyond the daily necessities, but when I do, it’s so encouraging.

I feel like I could go on with more things tonight, but having ten to write about is pretty beautiful, too. I’m so appreciating this long weekend and the chance to enjoy many of the above…it’s truly a gift to be alive!

MM

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The Good Things in Life. (85)

I cried today saying goodbye to C’s three-school teachers. I might cry at more things than normal these days, but my tears weren’t pregnancy hormones talking. They were tears because in a year when so much hasn’t been normal, C’s school days were outdoors, mask-free, consistent, un-quarantined and really just beautiful. I have come to know and love the three amazing ladies who made every day of school special for him. Their attention to detail, their care for his heart and their love of nature made for so many adventures to share and memories to keep.

C was known in school. Not for some kind of reputation, but because of the intentionality of his environment and the hands that cared for him every day. Watching his confidence grow as he tackled new challenges, seeing his face light up when teachers greeted him each morning, hearing him retell about the new animal or seed or nest they’d discovered on daily hikes…it all added up to something that fed his soul this year. As his mama, it fed mine, too.

When I look back on the fall of last year, getting our feet wet with outdoor learning in the midst of a season where school in-person seemed in question most of the time for schools everywhere, I think about how healthy and normal it felt to have interactions with C’s teachers three mornings a week. Real people, face to face. We were all trudging through unknowns with our kiddos, whether for their first time in school or their senior year. Nothing felt (or was) a guarantee. I remember the camaraderie that came so quickly as we relished time to connect in person, everyone needing that interaction to feel sane.

As this experience for C and our family has come to a close, I’m filled with gratitude for what it was and for what we carry forward with us into what’s next. When I asked C’s teacher today why this all made me cry, she replied with tears of her own, “I think it’s because when you know to recognize the good things in life, you see how good they really were…and all that God did in it…It was just so good.”

It’s really true. There were things covered and protected this year that we couldn’t have imagined before God showed up. There were so many details that came together for this outdoor program to open–and so clearly in timing that wasn’t ours, but His. There were people in place with giant hearts who loved our kiddos with abandon, through months and months of cold winter outside, through gear changes and weather-dependent layers and snack time logistics and so many days of little ones learning how to summon their strength to power through the elements. One of the first verses C’s class learned together this year was “I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength.” The number of times I’ve heard him say that since are too many to count, and he believes it and knows it to be true because of the energy and love poured into him by others. What a gift!

I cried today because the good things in life aren’t things at all–they’re tiny deposits that add up to something so good, it’s hard to bid farewell to them. And I cried today because three-school was a place that felt normal all year in a world where little else has felt normal, and that was so, so valuable to our family. No matter where C ends up, I know he’ll remember parts of this school year and how they made him feel. I know we’ll see things in him for a long time to come that grew up out of his days outdoors with teachers and friends. I know he is stronger, more resilient, more worshipful and more confident because of this past year and every step out of his comfort zone and into something new. The good things in life are abundant.

As they say in outdoor school, “Bye, bye, butterfly. Can’t stay, bluejay. Gotta scoot, little newt! Hit the road, silly toad! Take care, black bear. See you soon, raccoon!”

MM