MollyMadonna.com

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when the time comes. (23)

I will be thirty seven weeks pregnant tomorrow, so I’m thinking more and more about the big day that’s coming in the very near future. I’m trying to visualize what I hope the experience will be, trying to manage my expectations with reason, trying to be optimistic, realistic, determined, resilient and ready all at once. I don’t *think* we have three weeks to go before we meet our little bean, and yet you never know with these things, so I’m aiming to be mentally prepared, but not jumpy. Packed for the hospital soon enough, but not too soon…

I was just telling Jason that I’m not quite sure how to feel at this stage. Even having done it twice before, I am torn between wanting baby to be here and wanting baby to stay tucked inside a little longer. The latter will likely win out for now, but the fact of the matter is, we’re teetering on the fence between two realities. Baby is nearly fully baked and getting hard to carry. Nights with a newborn are beautiful and challenging and long. So which is better? They’re both wonderful for about a million reasons. It’s easy to think the grass is greener when your back is aching and you can’t stand up without help (or at least without looking a little crazy). It’s also easy to look back and think, “Wow. A few weeks ago you were tucked away and I still had a little bit of control over my time.”

Life is always a juggling act, and while juggling, it sometimes feels like we could be managing something lighter or softer or easier. The truth is though, we’re all just busy honing our skill and juggling exactly what we need to be in order to grow and change as people. For today I’m juggling this baby in utero, and in a matter of weeks I’ll be juggling newborn mama life again. Both are amazing. Both are hard. I will do my best to embrace the changes as they come.

I confessed tonight that what I’m most looking forward to in the coming weeks is our time in the hospital. I know, I know. That sounds weird, and maybe especially so for a crunchy granola type mama like me (just confessing I’m guilty as charged). But truly, the most magical parts of new parenting and birth for me have been the hours that Jason and I have spent getting to know our newest loves in the confines of the quiet, wee hours in the hospital. Time almost stops while we’re there. Our hearts and minds can focus on our sweet new baby, and we’re not obligated to be juggling other things so much, because our number one priority in that space is welcoming new life.

Of course, with siblings in the mix now, we’ll be putting on our mom and dad hats in different ways from our hospital room, too. But with grandparents and friends prepared to care for our older kiddos for a few days, it will be a precious, precious thing to welcome Henry and Eloise our sacred, new baby space, and then to reclaim it for the sake of soaking up all of the firsts again as we parent our freshest gift from God.

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I am in love with that time. The middle of the night feedings and the quiet. Jason next to me sleeping while I admire what God has created between us, swaddled and snuggled in my arms. The phone calls to people we love, sharing the news. The decision to name our baby something meaningful and fitting when we know it’s right. The anticipation of heading home and welcoming our babe into our space and family…it’s like Disney World for a very expectant mama–all of the glitter and magic, and being transported to a different space and time for just a little while.

When the time comes, I pray that my heart will be ready. I pray that my body will be rested. I pray that my mind will be clear and sound. I pray that God will watch over this baby in delivery, and over me as well. I pray that he will strengthen us as parents to become parents again, and that He will help us to embrace our three babies well, together, as a new version of our family unit. For the hands of our doctor, for nurses and for the care we will receive. For the caregivers who will lovingly look after Henry and Eloise while we’re gone. And for peace. So much peace. In every detail and moment and change.

when the time comes…

mm

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rainbows and unicorns. (40)

When Eloise asked for a rainbow birthday party a number of months ago, I wasn’t sure it would stick. But as party time got closer, she kept up with rainbows and pointed them out everywhere. I was so thankful for a simple theme in a season when throwing a party at all was going to be a little more of a stretch than normal.

It isn’t hard to find rainbow colored items–not especially as the 80s have made their comeback and Lisa Frank type styles are everywhere. I didn’t buy much, but a few cute things that would be fun for details and some rainbow crafts for entertainment for our younger guests. I opted for an email invitation to keep things as simple as possible, and found a cute one on Minted’s beta evite site. As it’s in beta, the invites were free to send. Perfect.

With invitations out to Eloise’s requested guest list, I didn’t fuss around much with planning until the party got much closer. Pregnancy and a busy summer just didn’t leave room for fuss, and that worked out well. I picked up Crayola school supplies (so easy to grab at this time of year) and stumbled upon packages of blank notebooks in a rainbow variety pack at Target for favors. I love making favors, but that plan was out this time around. These did the trick quite nicely:

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For food, a rainbow theme is amazing. Tons of fruits and veggies in rainbow order on trays are just about the simplest, healthiest option available, so I ran with that. I had a saint of a friend stand in my kitchen, slicing and chopping, for three hours the day before the party. Thank heavens for amazing friends and willing hands to help. Throwing a party for thirty takes a small village even if it’s a simple party, but especially when I’m this pregnant. I love how colorful the table was, and how easy to plan, too.

Besides the fruit and veggies, I wanted the food to be all things Eloise likes, so I decided on salami and turkey sandwiches, rainbow pasta salad, pickles, chips and salsa, and popcorn (clouds) to round out the menu. I almost always do drinks in large dispensers, but that calls for cups and drink prep and often, messes the day of the party. Canned Izze sparkling juice, juice boxes and bottled water (with some rainbow unicorn Duck tape for fun) made the drink menu a simple, colorful one.

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When it comes to birthday parties, one of my favorite parts is planning a centerpiece worthy cake. I’ve only made a few myself, and this year, when Eloise requested rainbow pies, I was a little stuck on how to make that happen. Then, last week, she changed her mind and asked for rainbow cake and ice cream, making things a little easier to implement (minus the last minute change and searching around for a bakery that could accommodate a dairy free cake on late notice). Eloise and I ran through photos on Pinterest briefly and took a handful of Eloise-approved designs to the bakery. They thought this design was most doable, so we ordered it up (“with pink where the red is”-Eloise). I’m so happy with how it turned out, and equally as thrilled with how it tasted. Turns out everyone loves a good DF/GF cake! We went with vanilla ice cream and vanilla almond milk ice cream for the DF crowd, and everyone was happy. Simplicity for the win.

For decorations this time around, I planned on bright flowers from the farmer’s market (our Saturday morning market makes this an easy choice every time), balloons, buntings reused from Elle’s first birthday, and some rainbow lights I’d grabbed for $3 a strand at Target. I always decorate our easel with a birthday sign, so that was on the agenda, and then Eloise spotted some stick-on gems at Hobby Lobby that inspired a sparkly number “3” for the food table.

When we figured out mid-week that the party would likely have to shift from an outdoor affair to an indoor one, I started brainstorming on simple ways to add more color inside. I kept most everything the same, but added two simple buntings at the last minute that were super easy to implement and ended up looking really fun. I’d stopped at Lowe’s with the kiddos earlier in the week to pick up paint chips for a possible indoor party craft project, and after cutting them for the craft, decided that some would be relegated to bunting status instead. I would do this again in a heartbeat. SO easy and colorful!

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Indoor activities were a little more challenging in my head at first, since I’d planned on a piñata, a ball pit, bubbles and a few other large muscle activities for our outside event. Not all of those would fly inside, but we improvised and managed to make things work. Our non-adult guests ranged in age from 1-9, so I thought indoor entertainment would be more challenging. Turns out a craft table, a mess of ball pit balls in the playroom, an indoor piñata extravaganza and a highly entertaining balloon artist/face painter do the trick. The party lasted about two hours, and the kids were amazing. No one seemed overly bored, few tears were shed, and best of all, no one got hit with the whiffle ball bat as it swung in tight quarters through the living room. 🙂

Our crafts were super simple and not at all messy: scratch off rainbow hologram sheets from Hobby Lobby (24 for $3.99, or less with your 40% off coupon), paint chips turned bookmarks with rainbow stickers, crayons for decorating, and rainbow washi tape, and best of all, Wikki Sticks in rainbow colors. The kids had a blast with these, and they designed shapes and creations that went up all over the house throughout the party. The wax sticks cling to just about anything, but leave no color or residue, so they were a fun addition to the decor and a breeze to clean up. I would order them again any time (thank you Amazon Prime for filling this last minute, rainy party need).

I have to say, of all the parties we’ve thrown for the kids, this one turned out to be one of my favorites. In spite of the rain (and let’s be real, the two tornado sirens that went off during the party as well), everyone seemed to have a good time. The birthday girl was happy, our friends were gracious and accommodating about the space and the rainy weather, and it truly felt like a celebration, which is really all I could hope for for our sunshiny, rainbow-y girl as she turned three.

I learned a thing or two about simple being best (you’d think I’d know by now), and also learned the value of a good entertainer when you have a house full of kids on a very wet day. Balloon animals and pink kitty cat faces for the win, I tell you.

There are traces of the party still coloring up the house in corners, and I love that. Lingering birthdays are the best kind of birthdays, and go with the flow parties are the best kind of kid birthday parties, too. I’m so thankful for all of the many hands that helped to make the day a smooth one, for the friends and family who came to celebrate, and for the chance to rest well at the end of the day, with plenty of great memories to last for a long time to come.

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Rainbows and unicorns were not on my radar, but Eloise was as sure as could be. And I’m so very glad 🙂

celebrating another red letter day for the books,

mm

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weathering the weather. (41)

There is so much to learn in a day’s time, and some days are just so much better at delivering lessons than others. Today was one of the better days.

This morning started early as we prepped to celebrate Eloise with an outdoor party turned indoor, which meant for some modifications and creativity. It’s not the first time we’ve shifted our outdoor plans to celebrate, but it was the first time I’ve been 34.5 weeks pregnant while doing so. That exercise, in and of itself, was a good lesson for this mama who struggles with slowing down. Not much you can do besides crank it back a notch when you’re setting out rainbow everything and having contractions five weeks too soon at the same time.

Pregnancy humbles me.

By noon, our house was filling up with some of our very favorite people, and in spite of the weather outside, everything was looking very colorful indoors. Eloise had just fallen and landed on her forehead on the wood floor, so she was toting an ice pack and trying to fend off a pretty snazzy goose egg. This made for a rougher start to her birthday party than planned, but she was a trooper, anyway. My mama heartstrings get tugged so hard when she really gets hurt–mostly because she’s normally right back up and at so quickly. Today was not one of those days.

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The lesson here for me was that my spirit has changed and bends more to what actually matters than it used to. I’m so grateful for this. Getting food out and making last minute party adjustments fell away as I snuggled Eloise…I just wanted to make it better. I can’t say I’ve always been practical in this way, but I can say that God has worked in my heart to be a much more compassionate mom over time. Thank goodness.

With the party in full swing, and 30 adults and kiddos tucked into the little blue house together, it felt just like a birthday party should: Eloise was surrounded by people she loves, and there was laughter and good conversation and rainbow party food being consumed by all. When the godsend of a balloon artist showed up as entertainment mid-lunch, the kids were happily occupied for a good while, which was excellent, because the weather was picking up outside.

In the eight years we’ve lived in this house, I’ve not once heard a tornado siren that wasn’t a drill…until today. So the siren is going off and people start getting tornado weather notifications on their phones, and I’m processing what it will look like to put all of us in our 85 year old Michigan basement. Hm. A few years ago, this might have put me in a tailspin, but not today. I’m already having contractions, so what’s a little more excitement, right?! I mean, what kind of story would that be to tell somewhere down the line?

So long as we were all safe, I could swallow the challenge of everyone hanging out amidst our laundry and storage and spiders. Maybe this third baby is having more of an effect on me than I’ve realized, and that’s a good thing.

We didn’t end up needing to go to the basement, but almost. And the sirens stopped and then started up again about 20 minutes later. We were practically holding all of our poor guests hostage with the weather, but it’s a testament to our friends and family that everyone was pretty low key about it all. The kids kept getting faces painted and we sang “Happy Birthday” and everyone devoured some seriously yummy dairy free, gluten free cake (I can’t take credit for it, so I can say it was seriously yummy 😉 ) and ice cream.

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Jason rocked the indoor piñata, which was another situation that might have put me right over the edge a few years back. I’m relaxing in my old age. Or something. Honestly, it was fun figuring out how to make it all work. I didn’t think I’d be up for a challenge at this stage of pregnancy, but rising to the occasion is always a fun test, right? I genuinely enjoyed the whole party, and the only things I didn’t quite love were the intermittent contractions and the possibility of a tornado passing over our awesome guests and family.

The fact of the matter is, a few hours came and went and Eloise was well-celebrated, which was all I ever really needed or wanted to make sure of in the first place. It may have been tight quarters, but that’s what I love so much about grace: it comes in and fills the spaces we can’t fill ourselves, and it passes over the rough parts to make them smooth.

Today, in all of its indoor, rainbow delight, was a day of grace in many ways. In spite of being much too physically taxed and probably in great need of a nap, I coasted on the energy of hosting and entertaining and being gathered with dear people. The beauty was wrapped up in doing life alongside others for a few hours while we celebrated our sweet baby girl and this milestone of growth in who she is and who she’s becoming.

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No goose egg, no tornado siren, no contractions for a few hours’ stretch are going to dampen the heart behind a day so filled with love. I can regale the details of the party later, but most importantly tonight, there’s a very happy little girl tucked away and dreaming in her bed after a day that was full and joyful in so many ways. I even hear rumor that God put a rainbow in the sky when the rain was through–no doubt the kind of detail that matters to Him, and the kind that so lovingly reminds us that He sees us and delights in us. How much he wants us to delight in Him and in each other, as well. Such a beautiful picture!

Tonight I’m headed to bed with all kinds of aches and pains that were hard-earned and well worth it. Sleep will be sweet this evening, and memories of today will stay sweet themselves for a long time to come.

absolutely loving the calm and quiet after the storm…listening to the wind rustle and welcoming the heat break and cool temps that will grace the day tomorrow!

mm

 

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Happy Birthday, Eloise! (42)

Oh darling girl, where do I begin?…

Happy Birthday, for starters! I cannot believe you are three today! You’re still the baby of the family for a little while longer, and it’s hard to imagine how that change is going to feel to any of us. You are so excited to be a big sister, and you’re going to be an amazing one, but I have so loved having you as our littlest, too.

Saying goodbye to two is bittersweet for me as your mama. You’ve already got your fingers prepped and ready to announce “three!” to anyone who asks, but I don’t know if I’m really ready to give up on two yet. Three is so big, and you are still so tiny. Your mind and vocabulary and active spirit all shout that you’re ready to move on–sometimes it just takes us mamas a little longer to acclimate. 😉

Eloise, you are as delightful as I could imagine, and as spunky and bold as I always prayed you would be. You don’t bend on the things that matter to you, and you hold your ground with those of us you know and love well. I’m so glad that you’re comfortable being honest, and that you’re not afraid to stand up for yourself when you need to.

You are so much more shy around others than you are at home, but your caution is wise and your assessments, accurate. You warm up in your own way when you’re ready. I admire that in you.

Your imagination is wild. So perfect for a girl your age, and so fun to witness. I’m not the best at playing with you in this capacity, but I’m working on it. I think I’ve spent too much time being matter of fact for my own good. You love to play with others–especially your brother. He has a coveted place in your heart that I doubt anyone will ever steal away. The two of you together make my heart skip a beat sometimes; you both love deeply and openly and without limit. I am always amazed at you and Henry and your compassion and awareness at your ages…you notice and raise concern for things I would have otherwise missed.

You are a rockin’ dancer with an awesome beat. Your dad and I love family dance parties and the chance to watch you in your element as you groove. You teach us ballet and appear out of nowhere, twirling in princess costumes with grace. I can’t wait to see what God wants to do with that rhythm and the love of music inside of you.

You also love water and swimming, swinging in the backyard and practicing on your bike. You are an adventurer–always up for the next thing on the agenda. You don’t like napping much these days, and I think it’s because you hate the thought of missing anything fun. You and Henry both bring life to our party of 4.8 in the daily.

Tomorrow we’re going to celebrate you with family and friends, and I can’t wait. You’ve been so excited (and waited so patiently for your turn) for so long. You have articulated all of your hopes and dreams for your self-proclaimed rainbow (and recently modified to “rainbows and unicorns”) party for some time. I hope that the bash will meet your expectations and then some. “Rainbows and unicorns” feel perfect for you, honestly. You are every bit glass half full and a dreamer to the max. You keep me believing in the very best in this world–something that is more of a gift to me as your mama than you’ll ever know.

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Today is your birthday, but you are celebrated each and every day of the year, sweet Eloise Josephine! You might grow far faster than my heart can handle, but you will always, always be our baby girl.

I love you as deeply as I know how, and then a bit further on for good measure. Here’s to three, and to thirty three times as many birthdays to come.

thanking God for you every day,

mama

 

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anticipating three. (45)

We’re anticipating three this week, and in this case, I don’t mean children (although that’s true, too). Our little Eloise turns three on Friday, and it’s definitely one of those “we blinked and here we are” sort of scenarios in our house.

I was gone for three days this weekend and E looks like she grew six inches. She is spunky and persistent and feisty and bold, and I love her so much for all of it. The side effect of these qualities though, is that any remaining baby or toddler status has faded away. And it happened too fast.

Eloise has been asking for a rainbow birthday party for the past six months or so. I was completely on board, knowing that I’d be full up with baby by this point and that putting together a colorful party was about as doable as it could get. Along with the rainbow party, she requested rainbow pies for dessert. I’ve probably asked her a dozen times or more since the spring whether she was sure about pies, because I’d need to get creative about making dairy free rainbow pies happen if this was the case. She was adamant and sure every time.

A month or so ago, I asked a friend (who has a knack for all things culinary and enjoys baking) whether I could commission her to figure out the rainbow pie equation for Eloise. She graciously obliged. So, she’s spent time on Pinterest and looking for mini pie tins and planning out what would work well for such a specific (and kind of challenging) dessert request. Sure enough, she made a plan, and I was so grateful to her for sorting out that detail for me while I plan out the rest. Friends who will bake for your kids’ birthday parties are grace in life on any day, but especially when it’s August, you’re über pregnant, and you don’t love crafting sweets.

Enter Eloise at the breakfast table this morning, who informed me that she has changed her mind about the rainbow party–a Frozen party is now her theme of choice, and she’s over the rainbows completely. If I doubted her three-ness before today, I cannot doubt it now. I explained to her that we could save a Frozen party for next year, and that we would carry on with the rainbow plan for the shindig that’s just four days away.

Then she dismissed the pies. “Am I going to have a rainbow cake then? I want a rainbow cake, Mommy. With ice cream, too. Can I have a rainbow cake and ice cream?” I asked her about the rainbow pies and she turned them down in a second flat. “No. I don’t want the pies. I want a rainbow cake.” She wasn’t demanding or sassy, just matter of fact. And of course, as her mama, I want to make the day special for her, so my wheels began turning on cake and ice cream and how to make that happen on short notice. I hadn’t wrapped my mind around a birthday party without cake, anyway, so in a way, this worked in my head. But I thought about my friend and the effort to dream up rainbow pies, and then how we’re so close to the party and the list of things I’m trying to keep simple growing longer, not shorter.

This afternoon we went to the bakery and ordered up one very Eloise-looking, dairy free rainbow cake.

The thing is, she’s only three once. And she’s our baby girl. And pretty soon, she’s not going to be the baby, and her brother spent his birthday in Disney World, and I just want so much to make this celebration all that she’s dreaming it will be. I realize she’s little and it’s conceivable that she won’t remember, but she remembers every bit of last year’s birthday and it’s in my heart to want to make it great. After all, when your not-yet three year old makes very specific requests known in such a hopeful way, it’s natural to want to oblige out of love. This girl is so celebrated in our hearts, and I want her to feel that in every way on Saturday.

I’ve promised myself I’ll keep things simpler this go around, and I will. It’s why I ordered up a cake today instead of trying to go back to the drawing board and start planning desserts from scratch. It’s why I bought favors and didn’t sew them this year, and why I’ve stayed away from Pinterest as much as possible.

The forecast is calling for a 100% chance of thunderstorms this Saturday. I’ve envisioned an outdoor party all along, so plans are in revision mode and Eloise is sad that we might not get to be outside. The truth of the matter is, whether we’re in or out, that celebrating Eloise will be the bright spot in our week, no matter the weather. Mixed with a little drizzle or a torrential downpour, the sunshine and light she adds to our lives is certain to produce a rainbow or two either way.

Here's looking at you, Ella Belle!

Here’s looking at you, Ella Belle!

In honor of three, there will be cake and ice cream. And we’ll all gather and eat and sing and she will know that she is so surrounded, which is the very reason I plan parties at all in the first place. It’s good to remember that when the list feels long and the days, short.

trying not to blink this week as we soak up these last few days with our two year old, and as she continues to take our world by storm in all of the very best ways.

so grateful to be her mama, always.

mm