MollyMadonna.com

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looking forward. (28)

There are some things in life we just have on the calendar for a long time–big, life changing kinds of events that we look forward to, or count down to, or set the rest of our days by for a while. Tonight, as we helped prepare for a milestone day in our friends’ lives, I just couldn’t help but think how dear a thing it is to surround–and be surrounded, when life’s biggest moments come our way.

Big moments like weddings and babies take a lot of preparation and love from a whole community. It’s possible to have a wedding or a baby without pouring your heart and soul into it, but how much more wonderful when we can really devote time and energy, love and intention to these incredible events? Looking around tonight as friends, parents, grandparents, siblings, and other family committed their time and hearts to a young, Godly, and joy-filled couple on the night before their wedding day, it was hard not to bubble over with joy myself. So many people had gathered, representing all of the love and depth of relationship that these two have built over their short lifetimes. The delight was palpable as friends exchanged hugs and conversation, and as the bride and groom expressed their gratitude and love for their closest community–and for each other.

On nights like this, or on days when I have the privilege of being a doula at yet another beautiful birth, I’m so blessed by the chance to celebrate–in complete fullness, the joy of the moment for others. And it feels like I can finally pay forward all of the times that someone has celebrated wholeheartedly with me. I am certain that this is what the love of Christ and the necessity of community is all about. When we take the time to really step back and look at the beauty in our lives, it’s hard to ignore God’s presence, His gift of relationship to us through others, His desire to delight us in the little things and the very biggest ones. It’s no wonder we set our calendars by the big moments sometimes. They’re the absolute culmination of so many days…of paths walked, of journeys weathered, of love poured out and energy spent. And they set us on a course to the next thing, and the next–all stepping stones for us in this life, allowing us the opportunity to glorify our Creator, to share the marrow of life with others, and to experience the fullness of grace and joy in the monumental. What a gift we have in relationship and friendship with the people we love!

I am so humbled by the community that we’ve been blessed with here, after moving away from “home” in Chicago over a decade ago and setting up camp in this pretty little place. Without family nearby for a long time, God somehow created for us a new foundation that has evolved into the most marvelous non-nuclear family we could ask for. This amazing couple we’re celebrating all weekend is a piece of that–a part of our second family. And the dynamic and depth of friendship and support we have come to know and love so dearly is a very bright spot in our world. Looking to tomorrow for these friends, and then the next few weeks as our own countdown continues, the richness of life is just so palpable and apparent in this timing. I’m so grateful for these perfectly ordained moments in each of our lives, and for the chance to celebrate them together.

delighting in what’s ahead,

mm

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encouragement. (29)

Before the clock even struck noon today, two people took time out to very intentionally encourage me as this big globe I’m carrying gets bigger and bigger. I’d only just met the one, and the other was a complete stranger, but both were an unexpected gift this morning. As you know, I’ve discovered that the belly is a direct target–either for people’s irrational and insensitive comments, or for the kind of encouragement that more than covers over the rest of the world’s silliness. I’m so grateful for the latter.

It’s striking when someone you’ve never met goes out of their way to stop you and say something kind. I’m not sure why we don’t feel that this is totally commonplace, and I wonder if there was ever a time when this was the norm and not the exception. Regardless, I am so thankful to the woman today who made a point to encourage me as she wandered through a store with her husband and children. She absolutely didn’t need to say anything, but unknowingly, she unwound some of the comments I’d gotten from others about my appearance earlier this week. I didn’t even know I needed the emotional push, but it was beautiful of her to offer kind words.

In the other instance, I had the chance to sit down for twenty minutes or so with someone I’d just met. She felt prompted to share some wisdom from her experience as a mama to four, particularly regarding what she learned when she went from having one child to two. This advice wasn’t the typical, “Ohhhh, you just wait. His (Henry’s) world is about to change!” kind of conversation. Instead, she shared about her heart when she was nearing the end of pregnancy number two, some of her fears then about having enough love and attention for both her eldest and her newborn, and what God did in her life at the time to show her something beautiful about parenting and the reality of being a mother. Her story was a very timely gift to me today–and certainly one that seemed God-ordained for such a season as this. I’m always so blessed when someone else chooses to honor God’s prompting on my behalf. This woman is an absolutely beautiful soul, who very clearly loves and values her children (and her mama role) a great deal. I love receiving wisdom from people I hope to emulate. God is quite generous to use others in our lives in this way.

Tonight as I recap the day in my mind, considering what stood out and what was ordinary, these two interactions with almost-strangers are the things I want to remember the most. That, and the fact that there is now a crib assembled in the baby’s room, which feels a little triumphant as well. 😉 We’re heading into a whirlwind of a weekend, planning to celebrate lots of people we love for a variety of great reasons. The emotional boost today comes at a good time, when I most especially want to be able to pour out to others just as much as they pour into me.

thankful for the chance to reflect and see the good,

mm

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whoa, baby. (30)

How did we get here, little Button? The countdown is at 30 days, which means you’re almost in the world and I’m in awe of how much life is going to change very soon. I really cannot wait to meet you. The thought of it gets more exciting every day. So many of my reflections on the day of your arrival have changed over the past few weeks–from spots of anxiety and worry about our care provider and possible hospital scenarios, to a little bit of hesitation at feeling unprepared to welcome you, to now. Not a whole lot has changed besides our doctor (which feels like a very, very good thing that’s buying me peace), but somehow my heart is entering a space that feels much more ready and healthy and whole about that day and what it will look like. I know this probably doesn’t mean a whole lot to anyone else at the moment, but for me, it means that I know God is preparing your mama for the big, beautiful day that you’ll be born. And I think it probably means that people around us are covering our little family in prayer right now over this very thing, which is humbling and wonderful and perfect.

Something I’ve learned over the past few weeks little one (while life has been trying and harder than I’d like to admit), is that it’s necessary and ok to lean into the body of believers around us for strength. I’ve asked a lot of people to be praying for us, and God is honoring and answering those prayers. See, the thing is kiddo, we’re not supposed to do this alone–not any one of us. And when we can’t always see the road ahead for ourselves, sometimes we need to enlist the vision and strength of others for the journey. People say it takes a village to raise a child. I think it just might take a “village” to usher one peacefully into the world as well.

You are already so blessed and dearly loved, sweet babe. Not only do your mama and daddy and big brother think the world of you, but we are surrounded by family and friends who are going to love you to their fullest capability. Isn’t that amazing?! You aren’t quite here yet, but you’re beginning to feel so tangible and close and essential to the fabric of our lives. We love you more than you will ever possibly know.

Tonight you’re a bundle of energy and life inside my belly…dancing to music that your daddy’s playing, reminding me that you’re so very present here and getting stronger every day. I have so many curiosities about who you are, and I’m so excited to find out! These last days will be some of the very sweetest as we move ever closer to your beautiful arrival!

can’t wait, can’t wait,

mama

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best part of the day. (34)

Before long, I’ll be taking a hiatus from worship team at church–to give myself time with the new babe, and to give our family time to adjust together without extra commitments in the mix. I love leading worship with such a beautiful team of people, and as much as it adds challenges here and there with a young family at home, it also adds a great deal of joy to my life when I’m in the midst of it. No matter what is going on here when I leave for rehearsal or a Sunday morning service, God always meets me where I need Him most and infuses His Spirit and presence into each time of worship. This morning was no exception. After a difficult and busy week, singing in church today was pure refreshment for my heart. More than being a beautiful way to start the day, it got me through the hours that followed…something I really needed this weekend.

I’ve been worshipping in my head and heart all day long, despite raw moments of frustration and exhaustion and an unyielding achiness from carrying this sweet pea around. I’m so thankful for God’s covering even in the middle of what’s hard.

The very best part of worship for me this morning was the chance to sing the lyrics to the song below. I’ve just been feeling this song so personally this week, and it was a necessary expression of my heart as the words poured out. Bar none, it was the highlight of my day.

I’ll be going to bed tonight with this running through my head, and I hope it’s still lingering tomorrow. I know God is nudging me to remember his faithfulness and presence very intentionally in this trying run of days…

None But Jesus, Hillsong United

In the quiet, in the stillness
I know that you are God
In the secret of your presence
I know there I am restored
When you call I won’t refuse
Each new day, again I’ll choose

There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise

In the chaos, in confusion
I know you’re sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do your will
When you call I won’t delay
This my song through all my days

There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise

may it be so as we head into a new week.
choosing Christ, and with Him, joy.
mm

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heart preparations. (39)

There is a lot of time between the moment you find out you’re pregnant and the day you head to the hospital to deliver a baby. A lot of time. Or at least it feels that way, until you’re suddenly just five or so weeks from your due date and baby’s arrival is somehow coming up fast. You start to think of all the things you want to be sure to have done before the little one is born…of all the things you feel like you should do: nursery prep, home organization, deep cleaning, LOTS of baby laundry, more organizing, mentally preparing your other child(ren), catching up on play dates and correspondence, fitting in dates with your spouse, getting some sleep, etc. And above and beyond all that, of course, readying yourself emotionally and mentally for the big day and major life change that’s around the corner.

Is it possible that we can distract ourselves so much with the details of how everything looks and feels aesthetically, that we can miss the opportunity to really prepare our heads and hearts for one of the biggest and greatest days of our whole life?

I’m so thankful that God is slowing my pace down enough to find moments to remind me…Molly, let’s focus on your head and heart. The rest can wait if necessary, but get that part settled first. Yes. Let’s. That part needs to settle and be settled. For a few reasons…

After several weeks of running around with the weight of two bad care giver interactions on my shoulders, I’m trying hard to get back to a place where I wholeheartedly trust my body and my baby to be able to work together seamlessly. I feel like I experienced that as much as possible with H, and this time, I really don’t feel like I should have room for doubt. But the words of my (then) doctor keep creeping in. I’m having to fight more than I want to to preserve the peace in my heart that was so prevalent before.

People say dumb things sometimes, and depending on their relevance to the important things in your life, they can really have an impact. We should choose our words so wisely and be kind to each other’s hearts.

Now, I don’t expect a doctor to really understand this “kind to each other’s hearts” bit completely, as it’s not in his job description. But after several years of conversations and appointments with said dr., I really thought we had developed a great rapport. I’m sorry to say that it didn’t stick. I’m 34.5 weeks pregnant, and my first official appointment with my new dr. is two days away. I’m feeling all kinds of relieved and nervous and hopeful at the same time. Lord willing, we made the right choice for our family, and most importantly, for the health, safety, and peace of this baby and me. Admittedly though, I’m still hearing my old doctor in my head, and I’m having to work extra hard not to carry around the weight of some overflowing self-doubt and worry with regard to baby’s birthday. I’m determined to go in with the best possible mentality, it’s just taking some time to get there.

At some point, I’ll share how the entire scope of my picture for baby’s d-day has changed dramatically in the past few weeks. It’s fairly raw, and I don’t think it’s quite the time yet to open up about it. I’ve been working through my own disappointments and trying to reshape my hopes in my head–and somewhat quickly. I still have no idea what that day will look like to a large degree, but even when you’ve prepped and planned and prayed like crazy, there are always going to be outlying factors that you can’t know or plan for in advance. So, I’m working my hardest at preparing my heart in other ways.

I love these moments at the end of the day, when it’s often just me and baby here on the couch. I watch him or her move without reservation in my belly, and I am reminded of the miracle of all of this…the incredible answer to many prayers that this baby has been all along, and the amazing process that God has designed for us as human beings. How did something so very small and microscopic already grow to have such a prominent place in my belly? In our lives?

Nine months, give or take a bit. All the time in the world and yet, not quite enough to prepare ourselves for the inevitable surprises and delights of childbirth and bringing a whole new person home to love and care for from here on out. I’m working on getting there, with some handful of weeks to go. And when the day arrives, I’ll be praying like crazy for God to bridge any gaps left over–that I would embrace the day with zero reservation and approach this new experience with complete joy in every bit of the process.

lovin’ on this baby as i prep in every way.

mm