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for today.

There are things I want to remember about today–good, life-giving, holy things that I don’t want to lose in the midst of other things that feel cloudy and defeating and strange. The little moments of the day that make it rich are absolutely worth celebrating, I think!

For today, I’m thankful to be home with our little babe, watching him grow and learn and find delight in the newness of life as he explores it. I’m grateful for friends, and for the way God orchestrates conversations and connectedness over amazing homemade salads at imperfect dining room tables. I’m clinging to Truth, and how it makes its way into spaces otherwise consumed by longing, fear, discontentment. And I’m blessed by time outside as a family on a beautiful, Summer night.

For the sweet little town where we live…

For the smiles Henry adds to other faces as we say hello and share in the joy of having him in our lives…

For made up songs and playtime and silly antics that light up his face and draw our connection as mom and baby ever closer all the time…

 

 

If I blinked too fast, I would miss this. All of this beauty around me in such important places in my life. If I let myself, I could bristle at the challenges, have a good cry over the losses, wish the days away always striving after the accomplishments I crave and have yet to reach. And it’s possible that I’ve done some of that today, at least for a few minutes. Still, I want to go to bed thankful. Thankful for what is right and true and lovely. Thankful for the way God created me to be driven toward wholeness and authenticity and to pursue them until I can grab them by the reins.

for today, i’ll cling to the little things, and to the steadfastness of a most holy Creator who helps me to embrace what is good,

mm

 

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discipline.

So I’ve been thinking a lot about this whole “craving order” sentiment and all that goes with it, and the longer I plot out how I’d like things to take shape, the more I recognize discipline as a main ingredient. It isn’t that I’m not disciplined in a number of ways, but that I’d like to be more disciplined in every aspect of life. Example? I’d like to find a way to fit blogging–and/or writing in general,  into daylight hours. The only way to make this happen is to be rigid about other parts of the day and to be disciplined about how I spend time when I have it. Same goes for being in the Word every day, finding time to go for a run, finishing things like thank you notes and laundry, and other such priorities in my daily life.

After a day when Henry has taken two good naps and I’ve accomplished more than I’m able to on his regular, micro-napping schedule, I’m feeling optimistic about integrating (or re-integrating) more discipline into my routine. I’ll consider it a mental/emotional/physical/spiritual overhaul of sorts, recognizing that I have to be patient in my attempt while I blend my idealistic plans with life as the mom of a peanut. (My first discipline my be to pray daily for enough hours of nap time to really get other items on track;) High on the list of essentials will be: earlier bedtimes for yours truly, getting ready for the day before J leaves the house for work in the morning and having a list of priorities and to-dos at the start of each day/week for checking off as I get things done (this always feels SO good!). When my mind has been focused on feeding and napping schedules, washing cloth diapers ohsofrequently and interactive playtime with a three month old, it’s a little harder make the grand to shift to things like dinner menus, bills, work items, cleaning schedules and, sadly, putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard). Still, they’re all a priority, no matter how much of a backseat they’ve often taken over the past few months–and I’m ready to reach new levels of order by tackling each one with a renewed gusto and sense of purpose. All I have to do is read Proverbs 31 on a daily basis for motivation (and look…time in the Word every day can happen just like that!).

I know I’m not far from progress, and the idea of change makes me happy in an inspired kind of way. I love dreaming about the possibilities that might crop up if I have enough discipline to seek them!

another day awaits, and my new bedtime is, well…we’ll get there. slow and steady, right?

mm

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craving order.

Tonight I’m craving order in the worst way. I think this started a few weeks ago with my determination to find a hanging mail organizer for the kitchen door. I absolutely cannot handle the mail pile as it grows and grows each week, and having designated pockets with categories like “urgent” and “to pay” and “to file” would make this little lady a very happy camper. I’ve been searching high and low for the exact right thing–even went so far as to scavenge the fabric store for a great pattern or some crafty inspiration, but I must be looking in all of the wrong places. I’ve paged through etsy.com religiously, and still, nothing. I don’t think what I’m looking for is all that complicated–multiple fabric pockets in different sizes, ideally a slot on each for labeling and such, and the ability to hang on a door. That’s all. I thought it would be simpler.

In the meantime, all of this mail organizing and adding baby items and paperwork and receipts to the mix has me craving other kinds of organization as well. I want to go wander the aisles at Target and Bed, Bath and Beyond, stocking up on Real Simple products and containers and bins for everything in the house. And it isn’t that we don’t have any of these types of things around, I just want ALL of it–ALL of it, to have a proper place right now. Where do I begin?

I’m trying to weed out any extra paper in our lives, tossing unnecessary files and things into recycling like it’s my job and well, it kind of is. By Autumn, I just want to be able to look around here and breath in deeply with a renewed sense of organization and order about the place. I want to eBay and/or Craigslist everything that we no longer use and/or need, to make trips to Goodwill and my favorite consignment shop in town with arms full and items never to return to the little blue house.

Decidedly, this comes from a place in my spirit that craves order and sensibility and style all at once. I don’t just want to put things away in file drawers, I want all of life to feel more pulled together, and I want to feel more pulled together, too. This season of having a baby, then learning to raise him and adapt to life with all of the changes that come along, has shaken my ability to default to organization and routine in a lot of ways, and I’d like to claim them back. I know that life with a kiddo in the mix is going to be different, of course! But that’s all the more reason to find ways to simplify, de-clutter and coordinate on multiple levels–to spare us all the time, energy and frustration that we really don’t have the luxury of spending these days. There are no more hours in the day than before, so I’m inclined to believe that how I use them is more important than ever.

What this comes down to, I think, is that I really want to be a good steward of all I’ve been given. I’m craving order in places that could use a little more because I don’t want to spend any more time than necessary on trivial things. I’d much rather have the hours to be wife and mom, daughter, sister and friend. And I want to be responsible with everything that’s entrusted to me–from the mail to our finances, from correspondence and relationship-building to the details of our home; it’s no small charge to make the most of all the hours we’ve been given, but with some time, a few small-ish resources and a lot of God’s help, I’d like to think I’m up to the task!

working on order (and discipline, boundaries, bedtime…),

mm

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peace.

Today could use a dose of peace. I’m having one of those “didn’t get enough done, don’t feel very good about it” kind of days, and I don’t like the feeling. I’ve been bumping into roadblocks all night and for some reason fighting my way through. Until now. I shouldn’t be fighting. Sometimes, the universe (or more likely, God:), is trying to send me a message that I need to stop battling and just be. And that’s where I’ll likely find what I’m looking for.

So here’s what’s on the menu for the rest of the evening. I’m going to go upstairs and rock and feed a freshly awakened little babe who wants his momma. We’re going to listen to the rain together for a while until he lulls himself back to sleep. Then I’m going to say a prayer (or several), go to bed. I’m scrapping the rest of today’s contents–trading them in, if you will, for some love with my boy and a prayer and a little bit of much needed, refreshing peace.

i hope you’re finding yours tonight, too,

mm

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progress.

It’s in the little things. I used to think that moving forward meant huge strides or big, ginormous leaps into new territory, but sometimes (or most times) it’s the small, hard-to-notice steps that really make the biggest difference. This applies to so many things in life…the littlest prayer turns into a daily conversation with God, which turns into life change and spiritual wellness and world change if we let it. One first jog around the block becomes two, becomes miles, becomes a marathon. One day’s change in a piggy bank evolves into a dream vacation, a college fund, a downpayment on a house, savings. And all of the little steps we take to get to such monumental places in our lives are each significant in their own right. Without one step, how can we take two?

I’m thinking about this tonight as I ponder our new way of life with a little one, and as our conversations these days revolve around schedules, structure, finances, our future…Henry’s. When you have a baby, suddenly you think about his or her future more than your own. And life choices feel more significant because you’re making them for more than just you; for more than just you and your spouse and your future together for the next however many years. Now, I think about Henry and the generations after him. I think about things like diapers in landfills (insignificant in the grand, Kingdom scheme) and generational sin (HUGELY significant where the Kingdom’s concerned)–and everything in between. How will we afford what Henry needs on every level? Spiritually, emotionally, physically and mentally, financially? And what about his someday brothers or sisters? Whoa. There is serious significance to a good number of the decisions we make, and at just shy of three months old, Henry is making this more obvious to us than ever before. (Just one of the many reasons we’re meant to procreate and look after children, no?)

So these smallish steps we’re taking daily are baby steps for a reason. We have to relearn to navigate a lot of territory, for Henry’s sake, yes, but for our own as well. There are still plenty of priorities that stayed the same when Henry came along, but there’s a whole new set of priorities that are edging their way into the daily mix. Of utmost importance and at the top of the priority list? Love.

Love your heart out. Love until it hurts, until you’re exhausted and you can’t see straight. Love like tomorrow may not come, and then love even more when it does. Love so that everything this little person knows of you is filling up and bubbling over with joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. Love in your home so that there’s no question about where it comes from. Love God so that your little one(s) can see Him radiating through you into their lives. Love your spouse, inwardly and outwardly, in such a way that your tiny babe can SEE it between you and KNOW how secure a life he or she is living as part of a family. Love. Oooooooh, it’s the very easiest and the very hardest thing to do at times. But it’s worth it.

Every time we choose love over the alternative (whatever that may be in any case…exhaustion, laziness, disdain, frustration, sadness, emptiness, loneliness, forgetfulness, distraction, pain, naivety, hate, mistrust…), we take one step in the right direction. Not only the right direction for our little ones, but for our own hearts, our marriages, our friendships, and most especially, for our relationship with Christ. And that–no matter how many dishes are left dirty in the sink, no matter how many loads of laundry are left to do at the end of the day, is progress.

I want Henry to remember a mom who took care of things…one who cooked and cleaned and washed and kept things up so he felt provided for in as many ways as possible. But more than that, I want him to remember how I prayed. And I want him to remember–so well that he can grasp at any moment, for his whole lifetime, how I loved.

making progress, even if it’s just baby steps.

mm