MollyMadonna.com

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sweetness. (52)

Everywhere I turn, it feels like life is on the verge of something grand. I am surrounded by people who are celebrating some of the most phenomenal moments that this world could ever offer, and it is beautiful to witness.

Yesterday, I had coffee with a friend who is glowing with pregnancy. Her little one is due only weeks after ours, and we have journeyed together through every stage. We dream about what the future will look like with babies in tow, our flash-forward photographs looking in some ways, different, but also very much the same.

Today, I read the blog of a dear friend who is getting married a month after Baby K is due. She is creative and resourceful and making the most personal, delicate choices with every detail for her wedding day. The event will be far more impacting for all that she has put into it, but beyond that, I rejoice with her in knowing just how excited she is to become the Mrs. to her Mr. 🙂

There are so many couples in our sphere as of late who are anticipating the birth of a child. For many of us, our 2011 babies will be the first in our families–first born, first grandchildren, first everything for each of us. It is a unique and irreplaceable season in so many ways. And there are others–some of my favorite people in the world, for whom 2011 will mark their first days as husband and wife. (My sister and soon-to-be-brother-in-law included!)

I’ve never imagined life to feel so full of so many good things. There is a sweetness to all of the sharing and camaraderie, to the preparation and expectation and joy that comes along the way. I look around me and all I can do is be mindful of–and humbled by, the blessing that it is to be present in all of the celebrating. I am filled with delight!

“For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Eph.2.10

God’s workmanship. How amazing is that?

overjoyed!

mm

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planted. (54)

I have kind of a nomadic spirit in ways. I’ve always been fascinated by the notion of other places and people, always loved to travel, always wanted to taste more of the world. It’s partly what drew me to Jason when we met–I recognized a very similar spirit in him, and it was attractive. Jason had just returned from Africa in the Spring, and when our lives intersected, I was only three weeks past my first brush with the continent myself. We had both sworn off dating, and we were both in trouble 🙂

Over the weeks and months that followed, Jason and I became fast friends, fast dreamers, and fast to fall in love. The same country, nearly halfway around the world, had brought us to the same page in our lives. J challenged me about where my life was headed, what I wanted to do, what mattered the most. He taught me about God and trust and diving in with your whole self. He encouraged my adventure with YWAM in Australia and Egypt and back again, and eventually (in August ’06, almost exactly two years after we met), we led a team of students on our first trip to Africa together.

It’s not surprising that four months following, we were engaged, getting married, and shifting our lives to move back to Africa the following June. That gave us three months to plan the wedding, and three more months to raise funds, move apartments, attend missionary training and say goodbye to family and friends. We boarded a plane with three pieces of luggage each and ventured out into the unknown for the upcoming year.

Our time in Africa requires far more than one blog post, and blog about it we did as we traveled and ministered and met adventure and heartache and challenges all at once for a 12 month span. We developed friendships, adjusted to married life in an untraditional way and created memories that we will always tuck away between us in the years to come. And when we came home (three years ago this coming June), we had a lot to learn about love and living and transition on our own turf.

It’s been a wild ride in a lot of ways. We look behind us now and wouldn’t take back any part of the experience, but it was hard and trying, and it continued to be for a long time after we unpacked our bags.

I’m writing about this tonight because it strikes me that three whole years have passed–that we have grown that far away from Africa in a lot of ways, and that we have made up for that distance in growing closer to each other. There is no way that our lives would be juxtaposed as they are right now if we hadn’t been on such a journey then; we might not have peace about being still, staying put. We might have oats to sew that God took care of for both of us, 8,500 miles from home. There is a groundedness about us now that didn’t exist three or five or seven years ago, despite our desires to someday return to the places we’ve grown to love elsewhere on the planet.

It’s good to be grounded here for a season, however long that may be. It has given us the chance to move into ourselves and to better establish our hearts and our family. When Baby Kehrer comes into this world this Spring, we have a place to bring him or her home to, and we’ll be able to have confidence in the security of it (at least as much as one can have in worldly things).

Together, we have planted our feet. Not only in the states for a time, but in our space, in our family, and in the direction we think that God is calling our lives. The future is entirely unknown, but it always has been. What we know is in our hearts, and under our roof, and in this belly, drawing us closer to the place we most belong.

“But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD,
whose confidence is in him.
They will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit.” Jer 17.7-8

may it be so,

mm

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thankful. (56)

Thankfulness seems to be such a natural and ingrained part of life these days, which just gives me one more thing to be thankful for! I think it’s almost impossible not to be thankful each morning when I wake up and see all of the little miracles taking place right in front of me. Every day that the baby grows and gets stronger and healthier, I’m thankful. Every time I feel a little movement or a big kick, thankful. Every chance I get to step into the nursery and see all of the pieces coming together, or I envision rocking the baby to sleep in the nook and wandering in to check on him or her during nap time, thankful.

The idea that this life has been ordained by God and entrusted to us is incredible to me!

Nothing is for granted. Not one single day or breath or event or moment. But every joy that is given to us makes all of the difficulties and struggles and worries more valuable, because we can appreciate the difference. And we can see God’s hand in our lives and count the blessings He has given us, although we are undeserving.

I cannot imagine a greater joy than knowing, firsthand, the love of a mother or a father for their child. This is, after all, a glimpse of what our loving Creator feels for us. Can you fathom it?!

All of the anticipation is worth it now, and our little one isn’t even here yet. And every day that I get to spend marveling at the ultrasound photo from weeks ago, at such tiny features and parts that were already perfect and still are and will be when they get here…every day I thank God for allowing me to be the vessel. For allowing us to learn the significance of parental, unconditional love.

baby k, 19 weeks

 

Today, I am just thankful. And 8 weeks from baby’s expected arrival.

what more could a girl ask for?

mm

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pink and blue. (57)

Earlier this week, our lovely small group hosted a shower for Baby K. It was an evening filled with blessings, from prayers to advice to the kind of love and support that one could only expect from good friends. And there were adorable (and essential:) baby items in the mix as well, for which we’re exceedingly grateful. It’s hard not to be overwhelmed by people’s generosity and genuine love toward our little one who is not yet even born. This baby will be so surrounded by amazing and godly examples, and we can’t possibly express the joy that comes from knowing how loved the babe will be.

I continue to be inspired by all of the creativity and heart that our friends and family have put into celebrating our new addition. This shower was pink and blue–and everyone gifted according to what they predict Baby Kehrer will be. The scales may have tipped just slightly in the “boy” direction, but all in all, the verdict still seems to be pretty split. Of course, my own verdict is still completely split, too. With a 50% chance of being right or wrong, I won’t dare wager a permanent guess. I love surprises anyway, so thinking too hard about it is less fun. It was really great to open up pink things and blue things and to imagine one way or the other though. I can’t help but be smitten with the tiny pair of jeans for baby boy or the delicate little bows for baby girl. It’s crazy to know we’ll have a son or daughter in our arms in less than two months!

The entire evening with our small group friends was lovely and uplifting, and I’ll remember the prayers and scripture spoken over baby for a long time. I’ll also remember the cute details, like the blue and pink layered baby cake creatively baked for the theme, or the diaper wreath that was made to match the nursery and will be hanging there very soon. I have a few pictures to round out the memories, but still have to snap a photo of the wreath to include here. A little taste of our celebratory evening and the pink and blue fun had by all…

pink and blue flowers 🙂

and table...

...and cake!!

pink and blue on the inside, too!

so glad brenna could join us!

dear small group friends. so grateful for these ladies and their families!

Pink or blue, there’s no doubt this is one lucky baby, and no doubt that we’re one lucky family. I still can’t get over it all sometimes.

blessed to be encircled,

mm

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the list. (59)

With so many thoughts as of late about what is soon to come, I find myself making a mental checklist of what I hope life will include in the next few months and years. I’ve contemplated a “bucket list” for a long time, but now it seems as fitting as ever to finally put some of those intentions and aspirations to paper. I don’t want to miss a single opportunity to be the best mom and wife I’m able to be, but I also don’t want to lose pieces of myself (or my heart) in the transition to motherhood–and into what I know will be a very new and adaptation-filled segment of my life.

So I’m going to begin it here, today, with every expectation of adding to it and crossing a number of items off of it over the next five years. I don’t want to write a list that’s committed to the rest of my life, because in my head, that seems like a long time…and my priorities might change. In the meantime, this is where I’d like to start. It feels good to be getting it out. In no particular order:

1) Become a mom. (I know. This is an “easy ” one at this point. I feel like a mom already. But it’s been on my mental list, and it will be marvelous to check off. One of the greatest, most shaping experiences of my life, I’m certain.)

2) Give birth naturally. (Time will tell, and if I can’t for some reason, I’ll make my peace with it. 5 years gives me a few opportunities though, I suspect, and I’m really, really hopeful.)

3) Travel to Italy. Absolutely a must.

4) Write and publish a book. Also a must.

5) Organize every cabinet and drawer in our house, and be ruthless about getting rid of/donate what we no longer need.

6) Scrapbook/keep a baby book for each of our children.

7) See a musical on Broadway with Jason.

8) Take a mission trip as a family.

9) Journal regularly for a consistent period of time (not including the blog).

10) Hone my photography skills enough to be valuable.

11) Finalize my doula certification (hopefully Baby K’s birth will take care of this one!)

12) Assist the births of teen moms in the area who need support, and develop a local ministry.

13) Plant a successful and flourishing garden; build a compost.

14) Introduce each of our children to God’s creation through exploration, day trips, nature, prayer, conversation and exposure to new things daily.

15) Pray over/with our child/children every night.

16) Read something valuable as a daily routine.

17) Expand and further develop my blog.

18) Pay off my college loans. This is a HUGE one, but I know we’ll get there.

19) Cloth diaper. Successfully. 🙂

20) Return to Africa and/or India.

21) Take a gourmet cooking class.

22) Learn to make fondant and decorate a cake well.

23) Craft something worth selling.

24) Take sewing lessons from my mom; procure a sewing machine.

25) Visit with family as often as possible.

26) Host a Thanksgiving in our home for people who have nowhere else to celebrate.

27) Own an iPad. 🙂

28) Further develop my freelance portfolio.

29) Finish designing a baby nursery.

30) Watch 20 of the top 100 classic films of all time.

31) Read through the entire Bible.

32) Go on a cruise with Jason to somewhere warm and tropical.

33) Regularly support a missionary family.

34) Train for and successfully complete two more 1/2 marathons.

I am currently 28, but my 29th birthday will be here shortly after Baby K is born, which means that in 5 years I’ll be 34. So I’m starting this list with 34 items in honor of my 34th birthday and the personal goal I’m setting to accomplish each of these things in the next five years. I’ll probably keep adding to the list at random, but for now, this feels like a great start. And if some things don’t pan out, other things will…I’m just feeling ambitious and hopeful and glad to have more of this written down than I did before. Want to create a 5 year bucket list with me? Let’s inspire each other.

delighted by possibility,

mm