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life-giving conversation. (92)

You know that feeling? The one where someone has just been completely understanding, but beyond that, they heard you and reflected a resonance back? I’ve had two such encounters this week, and each time, I walked away from the conversation feeling energized, respected and encouraged. Sometimes I forget how important it is to feel that way–and how important it is to be intentional, surrounding myself with people who sync up with who I am and what I believe. It’s important to me to be that person in other people’s lives as well.

By the same token, it’s important to make time for relationships that challenge who we are and what we believe. There’s a delicate balance, I think, between this being productive and dangerous, but when we’re challenged by others, we’re given amazing opportunities to grow–not just to strengthen who we are and what we stand for, but to increase in grace and patience and Christlike love for others.

The conversations that were so life-giving to me this week were such because they revolved around something I’m passionate about–something that really, truly matters to me. And I can downplay how I feel in my mind all of the time when I come up against people who have a strong difference of opinion, or who just don’t understand my point of view. Aligning myself with people who affirm what I believe gives me clarity and the ability to step forward with courage and tenacity. I feel like the passions God has begun in me grow stronger and more steadfast, and I learn even more about who I am.

Significant life changes–like making a big move to somewhere new, shifting careers, breaking relationships, becoming parents–all of these things give us cause to stop and evaluate the life we’ve built around us. Who do we associate with? How do we conduct ourselves? What in our lives do we want to see change? To stay the same? How do we continue to become the people we feel called to be? I love this honing and refining process and how it shapes us, and I’m grateful to be in such a season at this moment.

These days, I’m seeking life-giving conversations. Friendships with people who are passionate about the things I’m passionate about, and who will love and encourage the woman in me that God is calling me to become. I’ll happily embrace the challenging, stretching interactions that cause me to grow in virtue and grace, but some of the very best relationships in my life do just that without casualty, and I’m going to embrace those first as I become a new mom. Life-giving. Not robbing, not stagnant, not stale. Instead, breathing joy and hope and grace in and out of days as we interact and do life together. The way that I believe God intended for relationship.

feeling heard. and grateful,

mm

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i left my heart in vijayawada. (93)

One year ago yesterday, I landed in Vijayawada, India. Over the course of a twelve day trip, I fell in love–with the people, the culture, the colors and the beautifully crafted textiles. I was enamored with the school children and babies and women, and with the pace of city life half way around the world. Until then, I had always thought that my heart belonged entirely to Africa. I quickly realized though, that my heart really belongs to the world; everywhere I’ve traveled, and especially where I’ve had the privilege to do ministry, I’ve left a little piece of myself behind and picked up a little piece of each place to carry along.

As I think back to one year ago and the ways that God orchestrated a magnificent plan in a very short time to make it all possible, I still can’t help but feel a sense of the miraculous in what I witnessed. God mobilized a team of eleven willing people, and then allowed us to be a part of something we could never have imagined on our own. From here to Vijayawada to Hyderabad to Mumbai and back home again, we encountered grace and the love of Christ in moments–big and small, that are far too hard to capture in one blog post. (I think my journal entries from the trip total something like 53 pages!) But on this anniversary of my first taste of India, I can’t help pay tribute to a journey that changed my worldview, my faith and my spirit for the better. I still miss it greatly, and someday, I certainly hope to return. For now, a “few” thousand words in pictures…and some of the reasons that India holds a piece of my heart:

the first school we visited in vijayawada

these kids were a riot!

such beautiful faces!

one of my favorites 🙂

amazing opportunities to pray at night...

...and all day long!

incredible beauty!

students at a rural boarding school. one of the most impacting faith experiences of my life took place here!

salwars for the last night of our time in vijayawada

look closely! a butterfly in hyderabad...this photo means a LOT to me, but i couldn't possibly explain why in a caption 🙂

women in line to be baptized as Christians. one of the most beautiful things I've ever witnessed!

boats on the Arabian sea 🙂

our team, and the infamous gateway to india in mumbai

In just over a week, another team from home will travel to India to lead worship and to love on the people of Vijayawada and a few other Indian destinations. Because baby is busy growing and we’re a bit far along for international travel, I’ll be staying home this time around. A part of me wishes I could go, and a part of me is grateful for a perfect reason to stay here. Someday, Lord willing, Jason and the babe and I will board a plane and make our way to India. Until then, I’ll remember and be grateful.

embracing the pieces,

mm

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this REALLY matters to me. (97)

My mom once told me that I’ve had a stance on the sanctity of life since I was fairly small. One afternoon, while riding in the car on the way to grandma’s I asked her, “What if someone finds out they’re going to have a baby and they don’t want it?” And she said something to me along the lines of, “Well, most people just decide that they want it after all.” I must have asked her then why someone wouldn’t want a baby in the first place, and it was at that point that she explained to me, “Some people don’t think it’s a baby right away.” As mom retells it, my response was a very decisive statement, “You know what I think? I think it’s a baby as soon as you know you’re pregnant.” I called mom tonight to find out at exactly what point I’d made this decision. It was twenty-two–almost twenty-three years ago. I was six.

And today, with a most wonderfully made baby in my most wonderfully round belly, I still feel the same way. In fact, I’ll go a giant leap further and say that I absolutely believe a life is a life as soon as it is formed. In my case, this tiny little person growing was a life nearly three whole weeks before I even knew it existed. By the time we found out, he or she already had a beating heart. I have the utmost compassion for a woman in a dire situation who does not know what to do with the news that she’s pregnant, and my heart breaks for the woman who believes that terminating her pregnancy is the best or only choice, but I will never deny that an unborn baby is still a baby–and that the sanctity of life is a very real, very important, very necessary subject to be open about, controversial though it may be.

Instead of condemning, judging or pretending I understand the shoes of a woman who feels burdened to make such a heart-wrenching choice, I hope to continue to build a life that supports LIFE. The older I get, the more clearly I know that God has created me to love on and support pregnant women, new moms and moms in general. Becoming one myself is not only miraculous, but also one more way I’ll be better equipped to be that support to someone else. This passion makes my heart beat. Is my heart beat.

God has been stirring this in me for a long time, but as of late, I can’t help but feel it more intensely that ever. Abroad or around the corner, I want to be available to women who are, by God’s design, becoming mothers. On this, Sanctity of Human Life Sunday, I can’t help but mourn for millions of lives–a third of a generation, that have been lost to abortion, misinformation, mis-education, and/or lack of support. And I also can’t help but “shout from the rooftops,” so-to-speak, about what I really believe and how I really feel.

A few more tidbits for the evening, and if you’re still with me, a poignant video I saw for the first time last week. It will consume four minutes of your day, but it is absolutely worth watching and sharing.

Some things to ponder:

“A person’s a person, no matter how small!” -Dr. Seuss

“I’ve noticed everyone who is for abortion has already been born.” -Ronald Reagan

“Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you, and before you were born, I consecrated you.” -God  (Jer 1.5)

And a site worth considering. Especially here.

Plus, as promised, the video:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=APkV40vUhWs&feature=related]

If you know a young woman who needs someone to come alongside her–in prayer, support, conversation, love and/or labor, please let me know. Feel free to leave a comment with your contact info, or send an email my way.

gratefully carrying and believing in miracles,

mm

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grow.

On New Year’s, right after the balloons dropped and we toasted 2011 with the city of Chicago in our own little way, Jason and I cozied up at State and Lake–a casual but posh little restaurant on the first floor of our hotel. There, we spent the first hour of the new year snacking on grilled cheese panini sliders and the best little brownie and ice cream combo I’ve had in a long time. Over our “midnight” snack, we talked about the upcoming year, what we hoped it would bring, what we envisioned for ourselves as individuals and as a family. I asked Jason what one word he’d use to theme the upcoming 12 months, and committed a single word to the year for myself: grow.

Everything about this season is calling me to grow, and my prayer for 2011 is that I will…in a number of ways. I can already count on my belly growing (and hopefully my patience and eventually my pain tolerance along with it:), and my ability to love unconditionally will certainly grow as we expect this tiny child. What else do I mean by “grow?” Here are the things I listed off in the wee small hours of January 1st. I entrust them to this page with every intent on being accountable, giving my best effort, and having the ability to look back with gratitude on the ways that God led me to grow in 2011:

-I hope to grow in grace. Not just here at home, or for myself, or for those closest to me, but for everyone. For the crazy driver on the road, for the telemarketer on the phone, for people halfway around the world who I’ll never meet, but who desperately need prayer and commitment from those who believe in hope and joy and God’s promises for their lives.

-I hope to grow in faith. In the gigantic things, in the smallest things. In the everyday things that seem so easy to overcome on my own. I hope that I’ll look back and say I worried less and trusted more–that I gave things over to God with reckless abandon and I felt free because of it. I hope that I’ll be inspiring to someone, somewhere, who wants the very same thing for their life and is afraid to go after it alone. I’m right here with you.

-I hope to grow as a wife and a mommy, and I trust I will. The next four months as we wait for this baby equal four more months of being “just us” in the ways that are left. I hope to love Jason like never before, to make the most of moments, and to remember where we started from when we’re suddenly three and no longer two. I hope to be as loving and gentle and self-sacrificing a mother as God calls me to be–to be the place this babe always wants to come back to, and to make “home” feel safe and welcoming and good.

-I hope to grow in fiscal responsibility. Fewer hours at work in the months ahead, more to provide for, lots more to learn–from groceries to savings to planning for the future…every year I grow here, but I still want to be better, smarter, more savvy, and always at peace with what we have. I want to look back and say, “we did it in the best ways we knew how, and we were always improving.”

-I hope to grow in health, always. Building on a good thing is hardly ever bad. In discipline. In strength of character. In joy. Into the woman I am continually called to become…

“She is energetic and strong, a hard worker…her lamp burns late into the night…she extends a helping hand to the poor and opens her arms to the needy…She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future. When she speaks her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness. She carefully watches everything in her household and suffers nothing from laziness…her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her…a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.”  Proverbs 31. (various)

here’s to growth and growing in 2011!

mm

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10 for ’10.

I realize that we’re already three (maybe 4 when this posts) days into the new year, but I’d feel remiss not to at least pay homage to the 365 days that made up the whirlwind that was 2010. Like most writers are wont to do around January 1st, I’m going to do my best to mix it up a little bit around here in the days to come, and to commit to more writing simply because it’s what I love to do. To begin…ten things I loved about 2010 (in chronological order):

1. On Jan. 1st, 2010, I received an email that would eventually change my worldview, again. It was an invitation to India, and 23 days later, I was on an airplane. Along with 10 others, I spent 12 days traveling to Vijayawada, Hyderabad and Mumbai, witnessed God changing lives right in front of me, and experienced the power of worship in beautiful new ways. I’ll never forget it.

2. Upon my return from India, Jason and I spent a weekend away at Family Life’s Weekend to Remember. We stayed at one of our favorite hotels, spent the weekend focused on our marriage and the things that God is doing in our lives as a couple, and  renewed our commitments to each other as husband and wife. I was so grateful for this focused time away, and it was a great opportunity for us to love better than we have before. I really do love being a wife, and I’m really blessed by Jason.

3. In March, we celebrated 3 years of being married. It seems like time is flying by, as we now round the corner on #4. We have been so blessed, in good times and in hard ones, and we’ve learned a lot about God, ourselves, and each other.

4. April provided an opportunity for me to study to become a doula/birth assistant in Ann Arbor, and to continue a journey that began during our time in Africa. I loved soaking up all of the information I learned through DONA’s training, and I’ve loved the process ever since.

5. In May, I witnessed my first birth–the precious babe of a dear, dear friend. It was so humbling to watch another human being take her first breath, and to be included in this miraculous process was an incredible gift. I was fortunate enough to count two more births in the summer months, and babies two and three were also amazing and life changing, each in their own ways.

6. I turned 28. Yep, 28. A year so full of wonder that I could hardly have anticipated then–and I still have 5 months to go!

7. We found out we’re going to be parents. To a little baby:) I found out on August 29th, and waited to tell Jason until the following day. Then, we kept it to ourselves for a while to soak it in before sharing the news with family a few weeks later. Keeping the secret was blissful and torturous at the same time. It was wonderful to have the tiny little miracle all to ourselves, but it’s been such great fun to share in the joy with others since.

8. We traveled to D.C. A last minute getaway over Labor Day weekend, J and I escaped to the capitol city for some much needed R & R. We walked a gagillion miles, admired art, took funny photos, ate our fill of great food, wandered shops and learned what I was going to feel like in my first trimester. Looking back, I’m so grateful that this trip timed itself as it did. Loved every minute!

9. We saw Baby K for the first time. And the second. At nine weeks we got to take a little peek, and at the time, our first born was the size of a peanut in its shell. He or she appropriately adopted the moniker “peanut,” and we’ve been smitten ever since. At 19 weeks, we saw the kiddo in full force. Hands and feet, fingers and toes, chambers of a beating heart, brain, kidneys, umbilical cord and looooong legs (nope, definitely not mine:). My favorite parts to ogle now are the teeny tiny nose we have on film and the little chin that goes with it. I am so in love I can hardly stand it. 16.5ish weeks until we snuggle the little babe!

10. New Year’s Eve. Period. One of my VERY favorite days of 2010. I’ll detail more of this later, but it was completely red letter and sooooo necessary. How could we go wrong in downtown Chicago with a great hotel and view, yummy dinner, tickets to WICKED, shopping at Macy’s and a balloon drop at midnight? What a way to ring in a new year!

All in all, it’s far easier to remember the good in the year than anything that might have been less than great. This list could surely go on, but to me, it’s at least a great snapshot. And I didn’t want to forget. Nope, not at all.

Here’s to another year with more joyful memories in the making. Oh, what a delight it will be to watch it all unfold!

refreshed,

mm