August 14, 2013 by mollymadonna

err (extra rest required). (10)

In the interest of being authentic, I am simply exhausted today. It’s been a long week, and there’s no doubt that the waning countdown is contributing. Henry is an absolute bundle of energy–he must think I’ve totally lost my edge since I can’t possibly keep up. I love our little chatter box…I’m just not feeling at all chatty lately. My mind is certainly taking a break whenever it can.

I don’t remember ever being this tired when I was pregnant with H, and I worked far more back then. The toddler factor has it’s influence now–I suppose I’m more aware of it than I’d hoped. We’re so close! I just want to somehow be storing up energy to get through labor and delivery well. 🙂

If you’re the praying type, I’d covet your prayers for good sleep and energy to fill the gaps where I’m lacking. I know that God sees my need and can meet me here…and in labor when the time comes! I’d be so happy to have better reserves for Henry and everyone else around me, too.

I’m going to keep this short tonight, since I’m fading fast. Regardless of my exhaustion at the end of this day, I still meant every word I wrote yesterday! It’s a different kind of joy to press into God for strength, and I’m going to go to bed tonight focused on that very thing.

yawning through these last days, but so grateful for the reason!

August 13, 2013 by mollymadonna

the JOY of pregnancy. (11)

There is something truly remarkable about carrying an entire life inside of your own body, and this morning, as I walked downtown to pick up a cup of (decaf) coffee on my way to work, I couldn’t help but think once again just what a joy it is to be pregnant. I caught a reflection of myself in a shop window and laughed a little bit at the belly I’m toting out in front. I’ve had many an encounter with folks who want to comment on its gargantuan or petite and basketball-ish nature–no matter which Molly-belly measuring team you’re on, it’s certainly not a bump one could miss on my 5’1” frame at 38+ weeks along. And the truth is, despite some of the shockingly rude things people will say about one’s belly when with child, I LOVE my “bump” and all it contains. It’s not been a perfectly smooth road of pain free, high energy days and peaceful, sleep-filled nights, but it’s been a gorgeous journey of appreciating the growth and change as it happens and celebrating all of the love our whole family already feels for this unborn child. I’m not ashamed to be full of baby–there’s a whole human person within the confines of my tummy! What a blessed gift, and a glorious reminder of God’s faithfulness to us!

One year ago, I was still mourning the loss of our last pregnancy and wondering very much how God would redeem the hurt and struggle we were feeling as we thought about that missing babe. I trusted God, sure, but I certainly couldn’t see as far down the line as He could see–nor could I push past my own emotions to imagine a day like today. Now, just eleven days from our projected due date with the Button, I am sitting here on a crazy-beautiful summer afternoon with the breeze blowing through the windows, my two year old sleeping peacefully upstairs, and this tiny munchkin tickling my insides with its perfect little toes. I can fit into about five total items in my closet, and I could never think of a better reason to boast a limited wardrobe and weekly weight gain 🙂

I know that there are a lot of women around me who don’t love being pregnant, and an equally large number of women who do. I also know that there are numerous women in my surrounds and in the world who ache so desperately for a baby of their own, and who might read this and feel troubled by my bubbling over with delight at my current life station. My mama heart aches for those who can’t bear children themselves and desire it. My heart also deeply trusts and asks God to meet their hearts in the exact right time and place, knowing that He is the only thing that can fill a void so cavernous. As I celebrate the upcoming birth of our babe, I do not take the gift of this blessing at all lightly. Rather, I am humbled beyond measure that I could be a vessel for this particular child, and I pray that I’m always a thoughtful and careful steward of the life entrusted to us.

This afternoon, I am overwhelmed by the goodness and the fullness of this belly. I am equally moved by the number of people in our lives who already celebrate our soon-to-be-here tiny miracle along with us. It is an amazing season! I will do my best to continue to be patient for this, the second of God’s greatest surprises to us in this lifetime. In the meantime, I’m like a child on Christmas Eve, over and over and over again. I can hardly wait to see what our little bundle contains!!

radiating from the inside,

August 11, 2013 by mollymadonna

in a (honey) nutshell. (13)

At this very moment, I am eating my second smallish bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios for the day. I rarely eat cereal anymore, except, apparently, in the last six weeks or so of pregnancy (when I eat a bowl nightly to attempt avoiding 3am hunger pangs). I tried rotating in all of the super healthy, crunchy granola type cereal I’d otherwise choose, but at this point, Honey Nut Cheerios are the thing. I don’t have very many pregnancy cravings. I guess this would be the big one.

Jason is out for a run as I type this, and when he gets back, there’s Captain Sundae waiting for us in the freezer. I’m going to eat that, too…and guilt free, because we’re in the home stretch here and it sounds delicious. I pushed the dairy-free, refined sugar-free thing pretty hard for most of this pregnancy. Turns out a little slipping up here and there does not seem to impact (or cause) any re-occurring headaches at this point, so I’m cutting myself some slack. That, and my body was aching for calcium, despite all of the whole foods sources and amazing vitamins and supplements I take. Baby needs what baby needs.

And on the subject of baby, the tiniest of the bunch is currently hiccuping to get my attention. He or she has had my attention all along (and should hopefully know this by now), but this weekend has been full of attention getting behavior on the Button’s part, so it’s clear we’re gearing up for some big event in utero. I can’t imagine what that might be…

The eldest of the tiny bunch was vying for my attention tonight as well–he nearly hyperventilated upstairs from crying so hard that he “needed me.” This was not your normal cry (nor has it been for the past number of nights), but more like a full tilt panic/scream that would have any parent’s heart in a knot. We’re trying our best to strike a balance between coddling and supporting, and I think there’s a very fine line when your two year old is likely just feeling the growing pains of baby sibling’s impending arrival. H’s needs have been on this rise this past week, and as much as we adore him and want to make sure he feels loved, it’s been trying to say the least. The munchkin is now (finally) sound asleep upstairs after wearing himself out and four separate visits from mom and dad to calm things down. I’ve never learned patience to the degree that I’ve learned it in the past month. I suppose the heat had to turn up at some point as we ready ourselves for the babe on the way.

Aaaaand, lastly, as I wrap up my thoughts on the day, the nursery is 90% or more done after this weekend, and it feels amazing. I know baby wouldn’t know if it weren’t finished, but we would know, and it was getting to both of us. The only thing left is to hang the mobile above the crib and photos on the walls (and I need to go looking for a floor lamp this week if time permits). Beyond that, the projects still on the list are crafty ones that I’m committed to only if life and motherhood allow, and we’ll see what the next week or two hold. In the meantime, teensy clothes are washed, folded, and tucked into drawers, the crib is made up, bookshelves are hung and stocked full, new light fixture is in, all is in place. SO good!! Now if I would only pack a hospital bag for baby and myself, we’d be golden. Then he or she could come at any time without all of the rushing I’ve dreaded might take place. No more dreading. To do list, relatively conquered. Amen.

So that’s the report on this second to last Sunday before my due date. We’re making our way here–all of us. Each differently and dynamically, but we’re making our way.

thinking about baking a blueberry crisp, and it’s 11pm. nest much?

August 8, 2013 by mollymadonna

no rush. (16)

I read a great article this morning about the lesson of not rushing our children as we parent. It’s so easy to say, “hurry up,” to our kids–even at a very young age, but as impressionable as they are, it’s not safe to assume that our hurry isn’t having a long-term impact. In my case, I think I say things like, “Come on, buddy. We’ve really got to go,” or “We’re going to be late,” or “I really need you to go faster right now.” I’m not sure whether the occasional comment in this vein will cause heaps of damage, but I can certainly see how day after day of rushing our littles along could really add up to undue stress or worry as they grow older.

It was helpful to think of Henry as the article suggested: he’s a noticer, taking things in everywhere we go and not missing a beat. Admittedly, this is sometimes wearing as a parent–the constant report of all that we see or pass by can be daunting on even a really great day. But the reality is that Henry notices all of the good things. He doesn’t miss a single one. He readily stops to smell flowers, or to look at an ant pile…to point out a “cute little doggie!” or a “little tiny baby!” as he scrunches up his nose in delight.

In moments like tonight, H pauses what he’s doing to put his hand on my belly and say hello to the baby–not with words, but with a gentle tap on my tummy and a sweet look on his face like he’s absolutely planned to take the moment with his soon-to-be-here sibling. He lists off everyone when we talk about family, never missing a single member and sometimes going back, just to make sure. I could easily be irritated by all of the extra that comes with so much observing and caution and double checking, but it’s really an amazingly sweet part of who Henry is and who he’ll undoubtedly become.

I don’t know exactly how often I suggest to Henry in one way or another that we need to get moving, but I’m going to try to be more cognizant of it either way. I want him to feel the freedom to take a moment for something that matters to him–to observe, to learn, to appreciate. And I need him to be himself as the constant reminder he is for our little family–that life is precious and all too short, and that we should savor the little things and make big things out of them sometimes. Our noticer is a gift…one that two very Type A and busily scheduled people will benefit from (and do benefit from) forever. I’m so glad that another parent had the thought to share about her experience with “hurry ups,” reflecting exactly why our lives can live without them. We may end up late sometimes, and the otherwise normal parts of the day might take a different shape. But our little buddy (and his future sibling) might continue to teach us a thing or two about patience and genuine living in the process. Certainly, God is glorified in Henry’s childlike heart and curiosity and joy!

always learning to learn from our munchkin…and excited to learn from the button soon, too!

August 7, 2013 by mollymadonna

blueberries with papa. (17)

Tonight was as Pure Michigan as Michigan gets for me. My heart could not be happier. My dad is in town visiting for today and part of tomorrow, and it’s likely been the best Wonderful Wednesday we’ve had all summer (and we’ve had a lot of great ones!). The weather was perfect. We grabbed morning coffee downtown. Farmer’s Market. Visits with friends along the way. Peaches, watermelon, fresh bread, cherries, and a rainbow of peppers. Stops at TWO toy stores. A leisurely lunch at home. Naps for all. Dinner with three generations of my favorite boys (Papa, Daddy, and Henry:). Blueberry picking in the breeze. Sail boats and a sunset and sand on Lake Michigan. Ice cream. Baby tagging along in my belly the whole way.

Did I miss anything? Could I possibly have? Truly, this has been one of the most beautiful days I can remember in a long time. I am so full of gratitude.

I can’t do the memories justice, but pictures can. Here’s a tribute to the day (or at least our evening) in photographs. We’ll all sleep well tonight after this…