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So You Had a Bad Day. (68)

Some days we wake up and things just don’t start out as hoped, right? Maybe the alarm goes off and we hit snooze one too many times, maybe we’re just slow moving that morning and get a little behind, maybe we never remembered to set the alarm at all. Or it could be that the kids are already awake and needing a little bit of everything, that the schedule ahead is long and daunting, or that someone was sick in the night and no one got much sleep. However the case may be, it’s hard to begin on a bad note, and that’s fair. Especially on days when we’re looking forward to something, a bad start or a rough night has a way of turning the tables that just doesn’t feel very good.

I always hate to let a bad start run the whole day, but sometimes it’s hard to right the ship in a hurry. The kids and I have made a practice of “starting over” when a day gets off on the wrong foot. As much as I hate to admit it, if it’s me who’s in a tizzy, it’s really hard to ask everyone if we can start again–but it’s worth it. Starting over usually requires some apologies and forgiveness. Great muscles for us to exercise, and hard ones to use when the whole gang is already cranky. Bless our kids, they’re as forgiving as we all should be (almost always). In a matter of moments we’re beginning again, and somehow that feels like permission to shake off our grumbling, move past our offense(s) and even laugh with each other. It usually takes away the sting of things for all involved.

Other bad days are hard to remedy for reasons beyond our control; no starting over will mend them in the moment. When I’m in the midst of a day I can’t right, I’m not always in a space to feel glass-half-full or to see where things will go on the other side. I’m sure this is natural, but still hard. So what’s best? For me, here’s a dozen avenues that often help:

  1. Playing worship music. I might not be in the mood, but this takes little investment on my part. Just having it on, the words of familiar songs creep in to my heart and mind. Either they end up encouraging me, they help me to feel understood because their lyrics are lamenting in nature, or my mood lifts because I can’t help but sing (or maybe cry, depending on the circumstance?) along with them. When I’m not in a space to go to God in clear-thinking prayer, the act of worship nudges me forward until I can get there.
  2. Connecting with a friend or a compassionate soul in my life. Sometimes this means I send a text message asking for prayer. Sometimes it’s recording a Polo message for a friend to listen to later. Often, it’s a phone call so that I can safely set the weight of my worries down with a heart that’s willing to listen. I never want to put my burdens on someone else, but the people closest to us don’t usually find our burdens to be burdensome. The peace of knowing someone else will pray or that they understand my heart is often enough to get me over the hurdle.
  3. Finding a place to be alone. This is easier said than done and doesn’t happen often, but my family knows that if I’ve retreated to my office, I’m probably in need of a little space–and they generally respect that. Sometimes I pick up a book or shed tears that need to fall. Other times, I just sit in the quiet. It’s in those moments that I’m better able to ask God for help, which always changes the game for the hours that follow.
  4. Snuggling my kiddos. This is certainly not always the answer, but a hug or just sitting with another person for a while can do us all a bit of good. The physical presence of someone else can be just the thing when there aren’t words or actions that can otherwise mend an ache. As our family gets older, I feel like we all resort to this in times of pain or sadness, and it’s comforting and good.
  5. Buying fresh flowers. This is a game changer for me. If I have the time, I drive to my favorite flower shop and spend ten minutes in the cooler picking out blooms that speak to my personality/mood. There’s always something new there that can lift me out of a haze or funk, plus the benefit of having the bouquet around for the next days or weeks is so tangible.
  6. Getting my hands in dirt. Planting, pruning, watering, repotting or sometimes even weeding is replenishing for my soul. Making something more beautiful is always a good avenue to lift my spirits. I get a little teasing sometimes for the number of plants in our home, but they all have a different way of reminding or encouraging me of something. So good.
  7. Fixing or ordering food that nourishes or feels comforting. Sometimes that’s a pot of soup. In the summertime, it’s probably a smoothie or salad. I defer to go-to things that I don’t have to think twice about to make, and often, to recipes that have long been prepared for me by family over the years. I don’t love to bake, but occasionally, making a treat to share with the rest of the household is a pick-me-up, too.
  8. Journaling. My habit of doing this has faltered over the years, but when I put pen to paper and dump my thoughts, I almost always feel better. Going back to read what I’ve written helps me to process, or to put my finger on the thing that most needs attention or healing.
  9. Praying. This one can be hard if I’m in a rough place, but it can also be the most comforting thing. In times of stress, my prayers might be crazy long or super short. Still, giving things over to God and trying my best to offer gratitude is always lifting. Even just knowing that I uttered a request for help to the One who can help me most is sometimes the lightness that I need to set a hard thing down for a moment. Being reminded of my smallness in light of His power and compassion never has a bad impact, either.
  10. Getting outside. Sunshine and fresh air are almost always helpful. While I don’t often feel as motivated to get out when it’s chilly or raining, even a few minutes can change my tune if I just step outdoors. Barefoot when possible for grounding benefits, and certainly if the kids are having a hard time, too. “Everybody out,” is a policy that has served us well again and again.
  11. Watching a tried and true show that I know will make me laugh, or picking up a book that will allow me to bury my thoughts in someone else’s story. Every once in a while I just need to stop ruminating on my own reality and be distracted by someone else’s. I don’t ever want this to become an escapist-type habit, but there’s a reason we all appreciate a good comedy or storyline.
  12. Heading to bed early. This is a foolproof way to end a bad day, right? Sometimes you just have to call it and start again in the morning. The extra sleep never hurts, and some distance from the challenges of the day is not a bad remedy either.

I don’t doubt that we all have ways of moving ourselves forward when the going gets rough, and maybe many overlap as human coping mechanisms for us all. It’s just really good to know what ours are, isn’t it? And to understand why or when they help, too? Then when we can’t see the forest through the trees, we have some handholds that light the way for a bit until the bigger picture comes into view again.

If you’ve had a bad day, I hope tomorrow will be brighter. Today has been a bit of a rough one here, and I’m looking forward to starting again in the morning. XO,

MM

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Ten Things I’m Learning Right Now. (73)

Last night I shared ten things I know for certain about our littlest babe, and tonight, here’s ten things this pregnancy is teaching or re-teaching me:

  1. God is never done with us. He is always working or willing to work on our hearts to draw us closer to Him. This pregnancy has and is bringing me nearer to Him in a host of ways.
  2. Setting my mind on things above is vital these days. Setting my mind on the end result of this season is as well. I need both to move forward with a positive attitude.
  3. I have learned to surrender more in the past seven months than in so many other seasons of life. I know I’m not in control and never have been, but letting that go to an all-seeing, all-knowing, protective and kind Father is relieving and good.
  4. Pregnancy is holy ground. Life forming inside of me amazes me every single day. I don’t understand why we get to be a part of this miraculous work, but it’s incredibly humbling that we do.
  5. My physical stamina to carry a baby is different at 39 than it was a 29. Maybe this is an obvious statement, but it’s really true that pregnancy changes with age (and number). My body remembers how to do more, but it’s cranky about more, too.
  6. I am looking for wonderment as much now as ever. Admiring creation, sharing it with our children/as a family and taking note of beauty in the world is a life force for me.
  7. I feel so alive to emotion, so aware of all things in nature, so attune to what I need and/or want in my space and life. I am more likely to reject what doesn’t fit into that picture these days…not unkindly, but as a way of protecting who I am and what our baby/family needs. This must be a mama bear type instinct. I consider it a benefit, but also a challenging feature. As an Enneagram 1 with a very strong 9 wing, achieving what I hope for or envision while also trying to ensure the happiness and peace of others is a line to tow. I can see how God is working on me in this area to be the healthiest version of myself that I can be.
  8. Carrying a baby brings me great joy. I am sometimes overwhelmed by the challenges of this task, but I’m never not elated that there is a baby in my belly. My love for all things birth and babies grows stronger with time. I’m so grateful to have the privilege of welcoming life as a doula, and I cherish the fact that I get to welcome life again as a mama, too.
  9. I am getting better at pushing away doubt and fear and turning to prayer. This isn’t always easy, but it seems to grow in me like a muscle. I have asked God to help me with this, and He is sure to answer in His own way and timing. I am learning not to waste as much energy on hard things and to relinquish them to Him instead. I do this very imperfectly and need to remind myself frequently that that’s the direction I’m moving in. It’s totally worth it.
  10. I feel more comfortable in my skin than maybe ever before. It’s not that I never doubt myself, but that I’m growing in embracing who God has created me to be. This feels really good. I want to honor what God intends for me, and to be the best steward I can of all He’s given me. I definitely still have to course correct at times, but the path is getting easier. I hope to be able to model this for our children as they grow. God only does good work, and I don’t ever want to diminish that truth.

In the process of writing this list, I’ve also been reminded that self-reflection is key for me: now and probably always. Being honest could be a superpower if I hone it the right way. I hope I will.

Grateful for these truths and for this life and for these days of counting down–it’s all such a gift.

MM

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Sleeping on the Job. (75)

Well, I’ll admit that my energy seems in short supply sometimes lately–I have all of the ambition and vision and not so much of the gusto. I’m sure trying though! I’ll give plenty of things a shot if I can swing them. This baby is busy as a bee in my belly, which is endearing at all hours, and encouraging, too. As I try to figure out baby’s sleep patterns, I’m realizing that they definitely don’t line up with my own. It’ll be so interesting to see whether that holds true after he or she is here.

Overall when resting, I have zero trouble falling asleep. That said, staying asleep is a tall order some nights, and I usually max out of patience with being in bed after about six hours. I’m sure I could use more sleep, but that darn left hip will get me every time. 😉 I know my body is preparing me for the days ahead where sleep is hard to grasp, though it seems like a challenging aspect of nature to help a mom with that process of adjusting even before there’s a newborn needing attention. Wouldn’t it be grand to be able to store up all the sleep now and use it little by little as needed later?

As I type this, I’m nodding off and so very ready to scoop up my six hours of rest. Baby might be turning circles through the night, but I’ll be here trying to stay as peaceful as possible. I do so love these changes all along the process. This means baby is around the corner, right? 10.5 weeks (give or take) and counting.

Grow sweet baby, grow!

MM

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A Prayer for Summertime. (77)

God, you are so good to us. You’ve brought us through a very tough year and sustained us when we didn’t know what exactly we needed or what would come next. You faithfully carried us in moments of fear, weakness, uncertainty and doubt, and you offered grace abundantly in so many situations we were navigating for the first time.

Now, summer is upon us–what a glorious feeling! The kids have all come through an anything-but-ordinary school year, we’ve hung up backpacks and put away school supplies, and we’re gearing up for days of swimming and fishing and growth and sunshine. It all feels so hopeful, and everything that we experience as encouragement is something you’ve offered to us freely out of the overflow of your tenderness towards us, your generosity to us.

There has been a lot of loss this past year, and now finally feels like a time when we can look forward and not back…when we can more tangibly process what we’ve felt and move into a season of joyful expectation. Would you please help us to move through the areas of hurt, pain or disappointment we feel and into a space of greater freedom and peace? Father, in your mercy, you protect and defend us against the enemy, against harm. Please send your angels of covering and protection over our families–and especially our children–as we embark on summertime adventures and fill our days with physical activity.

Lord, summer is always a gift here as we’re relieved of colder, grayer days, layers and closed up homes. Would you help us to embrace the warmer weather, to be joyful about high temperatures or hot sunshine or extra daylight and to be restored amidst fresh air and outdoor living? Please help us to be good neighbors and friends, to extend ourselves to others as we’re able and to remember those who might need extra encouragement in this season. Please allow us to be your hands and feet, and to model this for our children as well.

God, we are thankful. We’re thankful for a break from routine, for more family time together, for long days and beach sunsets, picnics and ice cream stops, baseball and gardens. We’re thankful that everything feels more alive and colorful, that our territory expands greatly as we can enjoy being outside, that we can soak up Vitamin D and care for our bodies well, and that we can enjoy locally grown produce at the ready. Summertime is so full of good things!

Heading to bed tonight, we are eager to see what you’ll do and how you’ll move in the weeks ahead. No matter where we go, we trust that you are already there, making a pathway for those who love you and pursuing those who may not know you yet. Please help us to be your hands and feet in this world that so desperately needs the kind of hope and covering only you can provide.

Amen!

MM

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Hard. (78)

Wednesday was a respite for me and I’m so thankful, because lately, the rest of the days have each brought a new level of hard. I think it matters to just be real about the state of things, whether or not we’re talking with one friend or sharing more publicly, like I do in seasons here. Hard isn’t the same as bad, but it’s still stretching and wearing sometimes, right?

I’m awfully tired tonight. Not just physically, but in every sense of the word. The days have been go, go, go, and I’m not up to my usual pace. Mentally, this game of wading through the weeks has me spinning a little, even though I truly do love being pregnant and consider this 40 week span an amazing adventure.

I guess the reality is, there’s room for both joy and exhaustion. There has to be, because I’m carrying both. My belly feels entirely full of baby, so much so that I really can’t bend at the waist at all without major discomfort. I don’t remember feeling this way at this point with previous pregnancies, and it’s ok, but it’s just an added challenge. I’ll bend for as long as I can, but then when I need to ask for help, it can be so humbling…and I struggle with doing it.

We’re journeying though interesting territory, especially with still-young kiddos. Everyone’s used to me moving at a good clip and taking care of a lot more than I can right now, and it still seems like a shock to some (after many weeks) when I express my need for extra hands or for someone to take over something I’d normally do. Maybe it’s just their ages, or maybe I need to figure out how to manage expectations differently, but its as though I’m asking people to move mountains instead of library books, boulders instead of personal effects. I feel like I’m running into the same brick wall more times than I’d like to count.

Tonight didn’t end well, mostly on account of me not having more bandwidth for the same disciplinary hiccups we’ve faced multiple times over here. Hard. Just extra rough on a day that was already a little frayed around the edges.

As we do, we’ll hope to wake up in the morning able to pray with gratitude for another day and new mercies in it. We’ll start again. I’ll attempt to keep my heart, mind, and spirit in check, and hopefully I can. There are so many factors playing in, and many I can’t control. I know my attitude isn’t one of those, so I’ll try again to be upbeat and positive and encouraged/encouraging. If you’re reading this and also the praying type, I’d be so grateful for your prayers of protection over the joy and kindness in our home, over our littlest babe growing, and over my physical self as I face different idiosyncrasies this pregnancy that I’ve not had (or at least not had this soon) before.

Headed to bed and needing it so much tonight. I’ve never craved closing my eyes as much as I do lately.

MM