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Baby Q & A with Crosby. (8)

Q: What are you most excited about with the baby coming soon?

A: To snuggle.

Q: What do you think it will feel like to become a big brother?

A: Kind of mushy because I’m kind of worried. Because I’m not really ready for the baby yet.

Q: Who do you think the baby will look like?

A: Probably like Henry, because I think it’s a boy. Because Henry…look at his style on the picture up there. I think it will look like that.

Q: What do you think the baby will like most when it’s little?

A: Probably playing with me.

Q: If you could share any food with the baby, what would it be?

A: Probably some milk.

Q: Do you think the baby will be born in the morning, afternoon, dinnertime, or nighttime?

A: Nighttime. And kind of afternoon.

Q: What color eyes and hair do you think the baby will have?

A: I think it will have brown hair and blue eyes.

Q: What do you think we should name the baby if it’s a boy? What if it’s a girl?

A: Probably…Willow. Probably…Olivia?

Q: What do you look forward to teaching the baby?

A: Um, to play cars. Probably to share my toys.

Q: Where are you excited to take the baby?

A: Florida, probably. Probably the beach. I’m so excited to see it’s little beach clothes on it!

Q: Is there anything else you want to tell the baby?

A: Mm-mm. Oh, hi baby! I’m glad to be your big brother, and I hope you will be a nice little cute baby, and that I like you and for being a big brother.

Love, Crosby

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Baby Q & A with Henry. (10)

Q: What are you most looking forward to about having a new baby join our family?

A: Snuggling the baby and getting to teach them new things.

Q: What kinds of things will you teach your youngest brother or sister?

A: Well, to read, to draw, how to build things that they like out of LEGOS, new words, things about cars, maybe about what foods to like and what not to like.

Q: Who do you think the baby will look like, and why?

A: You said that the nose looks like Eloise, right? Probably like Eloise then.

Q: Who do you think the baby will like spending time with the most?

A: How can I answer that?! I need to meet them first…

Q: What do you think the baby’s favorite song will be when they’re little?

A: I think Irish music or one that you make up probably.

Q: What time of day do you think the baby will be born? What time of day do you think the baby will sleep best once they’re here?

A: Early morning. Knowing babies, probably between 6am and 6pm.

Q: How do you feel about becoming the oldest of four?

A: I like being the oldest, but sometimes I wish I was one of the younger kids. Just sometimes.

Q: We’ve called the baby “Honeybee” for quite a while. What attributes of a honeybee do you think the baby could have?

A: I mean, honeybees pollinate flowers and they bloom. Maybe love blooms because of this honeybee.

Q: If you could tell the baby any one thing about our family, what would it be?

A: This family is the best family that you could possibly get and we’re so excited for you to get here.

Q: What’s one place you’d love to introduce the baby to, and what would you show them if you could take them there?

A: Probably Disney World, actually. I’d show them the rides and Mickey Mouse…the fun characters.

Q: Any last words you have for baby tonight?

A: I can’t wait for you to get here and I can’t wait to introduce you to all of the fun of being in the world. I love you.

-HD

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Time and Space. (11)

The loveliest thing about this time of waiting for baby (and waiting for baby in the summer) is that as the days keep going by, our schedules and commitments continue to decrease. Because of how I’m feeling these days, I’m canceling a lot of what was planned in exchange for time at home and the ability to take it slow, and I don’t hate it at all.

In spite of almost no schedule, today filled up plenty with work to-dos and a few other things that I was glad to be able to fit into Monday. There were some unexpected, wonderful parts of the day that made it seem just right to still be waiting, and my heart and mind have been peaceful over that in a way that feels restful and restorative. I’m so grateful.

There’s a summer storm brewing as I write and I Iove it. Soaking up bits of summertime and August are good for the soul. My contractions are less intense tonight, and I’ll embrace the break. Soon enough they’ll be consistent and strong, and baby will be making his or her way here. For now, his or her being tucked away means a little more time to snuggle our other kiddos, pile onto the couch to read a book to them, give everyone haircuts and talk with our eldest until it’s way past his bedtime. Dinners are simple these days (or maybe all days in summertime?), outings are few, and this time we all have together is offering sweet new memories and challenging moments in good measure.

As an aside: Yesterday I had all of the laundry done except for one item that ended up in the wash right after I’d turned on the machine. THAT is worth documenting here because it only happens on a very rare occasion (and did it even happen if no one was there to see it?) It was a small victory on a day when I needed all of the small victories I could claim.

Time and space. They are sweetly available as of late, but on their own terms. Today I’m feeling good about that and wanted to note it, because it’s always fleeting in the end. And now, bedtime. Sleep is also fleeting, and I’m going to soak up as much of it as I can!

MM

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“I Love the Way God Made You.” (14)

38 weeks. 38 weeks! And we’re all biding our time around here and coping with waiting in different ways. There are a lot of emotions flying around our house. The kids are all a bit more antsy, a bit more cranky, a bit more wild. The convergence of the end of summer, start of the school year, a birthday and baby’s due date all in a few short weeks is palpable. We all weather the roller coaster really well together one minute, and the next, Jason and I are looking at each other with expressions that say, “What on earth?” and “Get me out of here,” and “What’s our next move?” on a very regular basis. Everyone needs a little more peace, and that’s hard to arrive at when you’re ten and under, mom is way pregnant and your siblings are always finding ways to compete, irritate, frustrate or otherwise stir the pot.

Regardless of any new challenges, our kids are amazing. We love them with everything we’ve got and then some. But they’re weary and we’re weary and it’s a perfect storm of feelings at all hours of the day. I can’t decide if it sounds better to keep this baby tucked away for a bit more or to have our little one here so everyone can start settling into a new normal. Maybe it’s good that I don’t get to decide.

All of the tension and whining and irritation among them aside, these kids are resilient. And their sweet sides come out daily, and certainly, all is not lost. The way that they’ve each come around me in different moments is so beautiful. E is always aware of my need ahead of me…she anticipates what I’ll ask for, what I’ll reach for, what I shouldn’t try to do, and then she jumps to do it or offers to do it for me. I know she’s tired of me asking for help sometimes, but generally, she’s a cheerful giver. She models love in action. She is grace to me every day. H has been my heavy lifter this pregnancy. He willingly moved all of the baby bins in and out of the storage room while J was working so I didn’t have to try. H might grumble about a good bit, but he’ll also engage C in a long stretch of playing LEGOS so I can rest, he’ll come along on grocery trips to help me load bags in and out of the car, and I know he’s watching closely to make sure I’m doing OK.

C is coping with things in an especially lovely, albeit sometimes emotional, way. He comes to find me every morning and showers me with encouragement and compliments all the way through breakfast. He follows me around the house reminding me that he loves me, hugs the baby all throughout the day and in moments, just snuggles right up close without words. If someone sits next to me, he’s suddenly right nearby asking for their seat because, “Hey, I was going to sit next to Mama.” But perhaps most endearing is that he has a few new phrases on repeat whenever it’s just the two of us…”You’re the best, Mom,” “I love you infinity times a thousand plus one,” or my very, very favorite, “I love the way God made you.” That’s the latest, and I can’t say how much of a boon it is to my spirit that our little one would even know to say something like that, let alone that he would say it to me in random sweet moments.

These kids are wearing their emotions on their sleeves, but they’re also sharing a lot of themselves that’s really stretching and moving and good. I’m so thankful for this family God has designed for us. I know we don’t know who this next little baby will be, but I’m sure that they will be welcomed into the mix here with so much love and enthusiasm and joy that it will all make perfect sense…like it’s the way it’s always been. To promote our crew to new levels of big brother/s and big sister status will be such a joy, and soon, soon, soon.

MM

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A Rich and Steady Time. (17)

“Life is always a rich and steady time when you are waiting for something to happen or to hatch.” -E.B. White, Charlotte’s Web

There’s definitely a balance between embracing the time we have and wishing time away when we’re looking towards something big in life. I always want to strike that balance, but it’s not without effort. As we spend these winding down days of summer, I want to make the most of our time together as a family before everyone returns to school schedules and routines. I know the whole world is feeling that way right now. This year, with baby’s expected due date on the calendar just four days before school begins, the sentiment has been so prominent in my thoughts, knowing that our summer might change at any given time and that August will be an adventurous month for our family.

The pairing of “make the most of these days” and “mom is slowing down” is an interesting one. I keep trying to find little ways for us to have memorable moments rather than big excursions, points of connection over a scrapbook-worthy summer experience. It’s a trade off that’s so worth it, and it’s also hard. Our kids are great troopers, and they go along with many of my off-the-cuff ideas as we’re traipsing through these summer weeks. I loved when our older two were at camp, where they could have a pretty idyllic week that felt like so many things we dream summer will hold. C was bummed to be “left behind” of course, but it was so, so good for H and E to get to be at camp. It felt like the very sweetest spot of summer, even though I know the very best moments are still to come.

Today we ended up forfeiting a trip to the beach with friends to wander around downtown with friends instead. It was a little more mama friendly than trekking out to sand dunes and hiking all things beachy out to a spot near the lake. I would have loved to go there (it’s truly my most centering place), but after hours of contractions last night and only a little sleep, I had to admit I wasn’t up for the challenge. Our dear and gracious friends happily shifted gears with us, and we all ended up having a few sweet hours of time together, in and out of the kids’ favorite shops (and to pick out things for baby!), down the block for coffee and treats, and across the street to run around in the grass and enjoy today’s perfect weather. It was a sweet memory we’ll hold onto, and it surely fell into the category of a “rich and steady time” while we are “waiting for something to happen or hatch.” While some in our crew might have bigger ideas of what would make summer feel fun and dynamic, I am happiest to sit with friends and enjoy the sunshine, soaking up this time as best as we’re able, before the season wanes.

When I close my eyes, I think about all of the goodness packed into this time of anticipation. I don’t want to miss a bit of it, because all of this waiting and building up to something beautiful will soon be a captivating memory instead of present day. It’s like Christmas Eve all of the time, and it keeps lasting. The richness of that is something I just savor and want to be able to recall for the rest of forever. Especially with this baby, after a long journey towards a fourth child here with us, what God is up to has been something really special for my heart, mind, body and spirit. It’s a healing process that I’ve needed, and even though I am truly craving the opportunity to hold this baby, this space will move on with a bittersweetness that I’ll hold like a treasure. This has really been and continues to be the most sacred season as I lean in and deeply desire the closeness I’ve felt to God in so many moments. “A rich and steady time,” indeed. There’s not much better.

Know, sweet baby, that I want more than anything to hold you. You’re like the very best gift on Christmas Day, and I’ve waited for, longed for, begged for the opportunity to be your mama for a long time. It’s just so special to have you tucked inside of me, too, and I will cherish every second of the time we’ve had to grow together in this way. Heaven is breaking through in a new way in our lives with you, dear honeybee. You will be everything we’ve ever prayed for, and then so many extra blessings besides.

Hatch when you’re ready, little one, and until then, know that you are safe here with me.

MM