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q&a with henry david. (51)

You think you have so much time, and the waiting seems endless. And then, as is so often the case, the big things you’ve planned for in life are suddenly mere days or weeks away, and you wonder how it all came up so fast. Time is a funny thing.

Tonight, Henry and I snuck out after dinner for a fairly impromptu “Henry and Mommy date” to Barnes and Noble. Earlier this week, he earned two new books because he met a reading goal. I could tell that a little one-on-one time would be significant to H after the day we had today, so we headed out together just before bedtime. He was so excited to go, and I was grateful for the space to take him.

Over the years, Jason and I have tried to make a priority of “dating” our kiddos…flip flopping between kids and each making sure we connect well with our little ones on a frequent basis. This is one of those things I’ve just taken for granted where time is concerned. Of course we’d fit in a few more dates with both Henry and Eloise before baby comes. And yet, the weeks keep slipping by, and it feels like if we don’t just jump at the chance when it arises, we’ll never fit in the important things we want to do before life changes for our family in a major way.

Being out with just Henry always makes me appreciate him even more. He is so fun to talk to, and equally as fun to watch, ride with, listen to, engage. We weren’t gone for very long, but we did go through the very important process of whittling many book choices down to the final two, we fit in some reading, and I had the chance to ask Henry a few questions about the baby and this upcoming change for him. I hope our littlest will enjoy reading what his or her big brother had to say…

  1. How do you feel about becoming a big brother again?  “I feel the best!”
  2. Why? “Because I’m going to be a big brother again. Because Eloise is here, and I’ll have another new baby to take care of.”
  3. Is there anything that you’re worried about? “Nope. Except I don’t really want to change its diaper.”
  4. Do you want the baby to be a boy or a girl? “Boy!!!”
  5. If you have a brother, what will you name him? “Hmm. I really don’t know the answer to that.”
  6. What is the hardest thing about waiting for baby? “Just waiting for it to come out and having to wait doing the normal stuff we used to do with you. It used to be the best when there was no one in your tummy. When just I was with you.”
  7. What are you excited to do with the baby? “Snuggle and play with it and make it laugh.”
  8. What makes you a great brother? “Cuz I teach my sister stuff. I protect her.”

I have no doubt that Henry will slot into his role of big brother again with grace, and with nothing but the utmost love for our littlest bean. Still, there are growing pains for all of us in this process, and there’s no doubt Henry is feeling them. I’m so thankful for the time we could take tonight to carve out new little memories and to be focused on each other. As he reminds me often, “Even when I grow up mom, I’ll always be your little guy.”

grateful to be Henry’s mama,

mm

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turned around and upside down. (54)

I came a little unglued today. The calendar can’t win with me lately, because I’m either wishing I had more time to get things done before baby comes, or I’m wanting the next six or seven weeks to hurry up so our little one is here. I want to savor this pregnancy as I have the others, but it has been the hardest by far and each day pushes me in new ways than before.

Not complaining. Just being truthful.

There are still a lot of days where I feel pretty well considering how far along I am and how much I try to do in a 24 hour period, but then there are days like today, when I feel like I’m paying for all of my recent activity and then some. I haven’t rested very well since about 26 weeks, so I’m a bit short on sleep. I know this magnifies moments that wouldn’t otherwise phase me. It’s just a tough dance between wanting to be joyful and upbeat about everything, but sometimes being completely miserable in spite of every best effort.

Baby can’t seem to decide where to settle. He or she has been breech for a number of weeks, but also moves around constantly. It’s not the flutters and kicks I remember well from the past, but more like tumbling and punching throughout the day and for most of the night. Of course there was tumbling and punching with the other two as well, but I really do feel like my entire middle section is one large bruise. Sometimes it’s hard not to be a little defeated by my inability to get comfortable.

I need baby to settle and to flip into the right position so that we can both rest just a bit. I really do. If you’re the praying kind and you’re reading this, I would so appreciate you offering up a little prayer that baby would sort him or herself out in the right direction. 🙂

I still want to be so engaged with the kids, and I’m taking every opportunity that I can. I’m sure by now they’re tired of hearing, “No, honey, I’m sorry,” or, “I can’t right now, but after the baby comes I will definitely be able to do that again.” It’s not what they want at all. It’s not what I want. I’d love to be able to pick up Eloise and tote her around with ease, but that’s all changing, and it’s a stage that’s not going to end for a while. I hope that she’s not past the “Can I hold you?” phase before I’m able to accommodate again.

IMG_0136

This might capture a bit of how we’re all feeling in moments lately. Eloise, I love you, and I’d hold you all day long if I could!

I’m often searching for the thing behind the thing when life feels hard or I’m struggling through an issue. What is the lesson in it? What can I take away? How does this experience make me a stronger/better/more compassionate/more flexible person?

I keep asking myself these same questions throughout this pregnancy, but I suspect the clarity will come on the other side of it when I’m holding our baby daily (or perhaps, long after). It’s not lost on me that I can’t see everything, and that God can use every bit of the daily pain and harder challenges to strengthen me as a person. I’m grateful for that part. I just wish I was more able to weather it all with grace on days like today.

Sometimes I get it wrong, sometimes I get it right. And sometimes, although I know how I want to respond, internal, external, physical and hormonal factors prevent me from just gliding through the moment with finesse. I’m learning best of all in this pregnancy that my ability to control things is limited. Maybe I should have that lesson down far better by now, but apparently it’s something I still need to practice.

Tonight, I’m thankful for some respite from the physical pain I was in earlier today, and I’m so grateful that Jason and my mom were here to run interference on the home front while I took a long and unanticipated rest this afternoon. I don’t always do well to acknowledge my limitations, and I prefer just to soldier through. Sometimes a husband/mom duo is the only combo that creates space for me to give in to where I really am, to shed tears if they need to come, and to be honest with myself about what I’m actually feeling.

So many emotions. A lot of physical challenges this time. But day by day, week by week, we’re baby steps closer to this little one who will bring so much joy. Of course it will all feel worth it then, and the clear recollection of the hard parts will slip away. It’s one of those things that God knew needed to be the process, right? So that we could bear the difficulties for a season, be motivated to give birth when the time is right, and then be so head over heels in love with our new babes that we would do it all over again in a heartbeat.

I can’t wait for that day, or that feeling, but I don’t want to rush it.

slow and steady wins the race. or has a baby. 😉 thank goodness for the baby part!

mm

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if you can’t stand the heat… (57)

…get out of the kitchen. Or so the saying goes, right? It’s possible that I’ve taken this a tad too much to heart lately, which is why I’m here tonight with a plea for a little culinary inspiration from my friends.

It’s hot, is it not? I looooove hot summer days, but it turns out that a third pregnancy in the summer heat feels a tad different to me than a second (I thought being pregnant with Eloise in the summertime was fantastic), and I am giving it my all to embrace these consistently 90º temps paired with 32 weeks of baby in utero.

I’m spending a bit more time in the air conditioning than I’d hoped, and a little less in the sunshine. I want to be outside…so badly. But I’m also keenly aware that more than an hour or two of keeping up with our kiddos in the heat with this humidity will push me into a bad place in more ways than one. As such, this summer has been a humbling exercise in acknowledging my limitations and more thoughtfully managing my expectations, which has carried over as much into my kitchen as anywhere else in my life.

The peak heat of the day here usually falls shortly before dinner time. I don’t have any desire to turn the oven on, or to stand over a hot stove. My appetite is questionable at best by 5pm, and my people are hungry. None of us wants something heavy or hot to eat, but I know that if the meal I prep isn’t substantial enough, everyone will be asking for snacks long before bedtime.

I live with a trio of carnivores, but I could skip out on meat most days. Ground beef has been particularly off-putting for me this pregnancy, so even go to options like easy tacos or spaghetti are at the bottom of my list.

At this point in the summer, with the hot days unwavering and my culinary motivation waning to a terrible degree, I could use some fresh ideas. Jason and I will eat salads all day long (Jason if there’s significant protein in the mix), and Henry enjoys a decent repertoire of veggies, but our dairy free Eloise is not the biggest fan of anything green.

So. I need some help.

Do you have a favorite summer recipe that incorporates real, whole foods and requires less than an hour (or a 400º oven) to prepare? Do your kids absolutely love a summer meal that you’d be excited to pass on to me and my ever-hungry brood?

I’d love to add a handful of new recipes to our menu for the remaining weeks or months of summer, and I’m in need of a fresh dose of motivation. Ideas that incorporate helpers in the kitchen are very welcome–Eloise is often eager to play sous chef, and I love it when I have reasonable jobs for her to do at (almost) three years old.

And if you’re in the same boat as I am this summer, would you ask a friend and pass on any delightful tips they’re willing to share?

I want to love being in my kitchen again, and to arrive there before baby comes would be so great…for everyone who sits around our table in the evenings, really 😉

trying to avoid my own level of “hangry,”  but missing the mark,

mm

Please post or link your recipes/favorite foodie websites in the comments. Then we can all enjoy them together, and I can refer back to them with ease in the coming days. xo!

 

 

 

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empty tanks. (59)

It’s well over an hour past bedtime, and the host of shenanigans will not end upstairs tonight. Such is the case with summer daylight and sharing a bedroom, I suppose, but the string of nights where this has been the case feels unceasing. I’ve heard the toilet flush no less than four times in sixty minutes. The littlest has joined me once downstairs. The eldest has gotten dad’s attention outside several times from the upstairs window, and the banter about light sabering each other and who needs which stuffed animal just will. not. end.

I’d be writing about something else tonight entirely, but the running dialogue from daytime has carried itself far later into the evening than is desirable, and all I can hear is the back and forth of kiddos again and again in my ears.

This is the beautiful, trying, hopeful, crazy season of life we’re in.

I wonder frequently to myself about how the new baby will settle into the monkeyish madness of it all. I know third babies are often flexible, go with the flow type personalities who slot right into the current family dynamic, but I don’t want to make assumptions. The first six months with Eloise were some of the most challenging of my life, and for various reasons. Mostly, she and I didn’t sleep for more than a three hour stretch at night, and a good part of our days were spent trying to figure out how to help our little peanut, who was clearly uneasy with life and frequently in pain. She is an incredibly easy going personality now, but I still carry that experience with me. It was terribly hard.

So I think forward to less than two months from now and try to project all of the best possible outcomes while still bracing myself for what I know could also be very tough. I absolutely mean it when I say that I can’t wait to welcome this new babe into our family. I wouldn’t want it any other way. I’m just having a hard time feeling like I enter into much of anything gracefully these days, and I don’t want that to be true of the days surrounding baby’s arrival.

My perfectionist tendencies pour out onto the table right about here.

The third trimester of pregnancy is such a dichotomy, isn’t it? You want to be doing ALL of the things, but circumstances kind of dictate that you actually slow down a bit. Only some of the tasks get done…on a good day. I feel like I need to find a way to settle into that reality peacefully, but in this pregnancy especially, it’s an effort for me to do so.

The other day I shared about getting to my emotional to do list before my physical one. Every bit of what I said is true. I am definitely prioritizing emotional things over physical ones these days, and that feels appropriate. But the nesting, particular, visionary mama in me wishes regularly that all of the lists were dwindling more than they actually are.

I guess you could say my flexibility is in training for the days to come when this baby is no longer tucked away, but out in the world and contributing to our family in whatever ways he or she brings life to the table. That’s probably a good thing.

The unrest upstairs tonight is reflective of my own unrest as I sort through the contents of another toasty summer day packed with plenty to do and more that will be left undone. If I’m recording these days with honesty, then the reality here is exactly this. We’re all tired. We’re all a bit frayed at the edges for various reasons. We’re all excited for baby to come, and probably all a tad emotionally charged because that day is on the horizon.

I need to be filling up my tank with grace each day so I can extend it out to the people I love the most. I haven’t cracked the code on this by any stretch, but I’m going to keep trying.

banking on the highlights of the day today, and looking forward to a fresh start in the morning,

mm

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hello, august! (60)

When I woke up this morning, something magical happened. My answer to one of pregnancy’s most frequently asked questions became, “Next month!”

Now that’s a good feeling.

Today was a full one. Camp for Henry in the morning, grocery shopping with my favorite girl, camp pickup, grocery unloading and putting away (hey, I’m counting that as a big deal when it’s over 80º and I’m this pregnant, ok? 🙂 ), lunch time, play time, vacuuming, nap time (during which not a single soul was napping), prep for tonight’s maternity pictures (eek!), refereeing (because, no napping), more prep, dinner prep, a bit more photo prep, family/maternity/headshot photos, kiddos still up an hour past bedtime, chillin’ like a villain on the couch at these keys and contemplating some DF ice cream to put a cap on it all. Because in all honesty, I do not think I’ve stopped perspiring since about 9am, and ice cream feels like the right choice right about now. (Might still have to sneak cereal and blueberries somewhere in there, too. That’s just how baby and I roll.)

"Mom, can we look at the flowers today? Can I have all of these at my birthday party?" She makes me stop and smell the flowers in a good way all of the time--even when grocery shopping.

“Mom, can we look at the flowers today? Can I have all of these at my birthday party?” She makes me stop and smell the flowers in a good way all of the time–even when grocery shopping.

It occurred to me last night that our little bean will likely be up every night at 11:30p.m.(ish), ready and waiting for a feeding to replace all of this late night cereal consumption. Am I programming our baby in a dangerous way here? I might be.

Just means I’ll have a little pal to hang out with in my night owl state for a while. I’m good with that.

Have I mentioned we’re getting a new couch before then?! I couldn’t be more excited about this fact. Our current couch is fine and all, but I cannot comfortably sit and nurse a baby at all hours on this lovely piece of furniture anymore. I don’t know if it’s me or the furniture, but a new spot to perch from was something I petitioned for a few months back when I started thinking toward the late night feedings in my future. We’re looking forward to a little change-up on the furniture front to coincide with our paint swapping in the living room. Can’t wait to see it all come together!

August and September are decidedly “pull it all together” months around here this year. I’m so happy to have arrived at their beginning. I am not a wish-summer-away kind of girl by any stretch, but it does feel good to be rounding the corner on some bigger things that have been a long time coming, like a new couch, let’s say. Or fresh paint. Or maybe a brand new human. There it is. That’s the big one. “Next month.”

Such a good thing.

I could squeal with delight at the thought of holding this fresh new babe in my arms. It’s getting close enough that I can feel it now. It’s no longer far from reach. Amazing.

Tonight during pictures, our littlest love was hopping around in my belly, as if he or she knew they were the star of the show. Beautiful. Nothing could make me happier than our four, marveling together at the thought of our newest family member growing healthy and strong. May it be so!

I’m still somehow full of energy tonight–a surge that surprised me today in a timely way. I hope I can coast on this kind of wave for a bit longer now. I could get so much done! If not, I’ll take what I can get as it comes. With each wake up, we’re one day closer. August is already here somehow, and September isn’t trailing far behind…

celebrating the little things with a full heart,

mm