MollyMadonna.com

by

four for four. (91)

There’s nothing much sweeter to me than family time, and “weekend time” as our kiddos call it is celebrated every single Friday in the little blue house. From the time Henry could understand that there were weekdays and weekend days, we’ve been doing a little happy dance together come 5pm on Fridays. Some weeks the kids have countdowns (I think I do every week 😉 ). Even when (and maybe especially when) we don’t have big things planned, days together as a family are just better than ones when we’re apart.

IMG_9511 2

As the 4th of July falls on a Monday this year, we’re joining the rest of America in being grateful for our freedom, while also grateful for a three day weekend. Jason decided to take today off as well, and it’s felt like Saturday all day long. I love it more than I can say–and definitely more so being this pregnant, because tomorrow when we wake up it’ll feel like Saturday all over again. Four days together in a row is nearly family vacation territory. Yes!!!

We’ve got quite the line up this weekend, and it feels good despite it also looking a bit like a to do or baby prep list. We made a family trip to Lowe’s this morning for cans of paint (look out, living room walls!) and we’re planning on things like cleaning out the garage and prepping for a mega garage sale. I’ve got baby bins to wade through while the kids clear out books and toys that someone else should get to love. And of course there’s the usual suspects: lawn cutting and laundry, probably groceries and some vacuuming and cleaning here and there. But smattered throughout the next few days? The farmer’s market, family pool time, reading the stacks of books we brought home from the library today, grilling, writing, biking, and a trip to the beach. It feels like there might actually be room for all of the joys and responsibilities of the weekend that can’t always fit into just two days.

These are not privileges we should ever take for granted, and we know it. Still, celebrating our freedoms by being free together as a family feels like a pretty amazing gift, and we’re going to appreciate it together as best we can.

It’s starting to become very real that these weeks and weekends before baby will come and go just as quickly as we might think–the calendar is filling up with both the exciting and the mundane, but however the days go by, they’re all part of a countdown to this big and awesome change of adding another member to our team.

As far as any of us can see it, the baby bean’s arrival will make weekend time more sweet in days to come. For now though, we’re soaking up summer as a family of four, with four days to celebrate life together and the fourth to remind us of why we’re able.

thankful and humbled, and wielding a paint brush,

mm

by

motherhood manifesto. (95)

Two weeks ago, I was journaling and praying when a flood of thoughts came pouring out onto paper. Now, as I’m processing some big decisions for our family and thinking about the little babe who will to add to our number just three short months from now, it feels right to share them here. If your heart aligns as a mama, please link up arms with me in the journey and keep me posted on how it’s going for you, too! (Or, if you’re not a mama but your favorite mamas would agree, please invite them to join me in this effort toward great stewardship of this season and calling 🙂

A Manifesto for Motherhood

As a mom I want to/I will:

-Make space for our children

-Facilitate structure for them

-Model Christlike behavior(s) to them

-Provide a sense of security, trust and confidence for them

-Teach them to be good stewards of their time, energy, minds, talents, resources and space

-Be disciplined…

*In my walk with God

*In my prayer times

*In my approach to adversity

*In my care of our home

*In my care of my body

*In our family’s pursuit of health

*In my friendships and relationships

*In my boundary setting

I will also:

-Pursue rest and wellness so that I can be my best self for our family

-Create space to do the things I love so that I can be the best version of who God created me to be

-Stop striving and live thriving

-Love my husband, children, friends and family well, and as God is calling me

-Clear out clutter to make space for creativity, clarity and stress-free days

-Cultivate beautiful community around us

-Be organized so I can think and respond clearly to others

-Celebrate successes well and be a soft place to land in the face of discouragement or failure

-Champion my children’s passions, desires and aspirations

-Make every effort to exhibit grace to my children and to love them extravagantly

This life we’re living and this calling we’ve been given as mamas is extraordinary. Let’s make it all count, together. 

SO much love,

molly madonna

 

heaven

First moments with Eloise, summer 2013.

 

 

by

from the mouths of babes. (99)

Eloise tells me at least once a day that she can’t wait to be a big sister. Her excitement over my growing bump is palpable at all hours. Both Henry and Eloise stop what they’re doing in random moments to talk to the baby, to lay a hand on my belly or to give it a kiss. If I react to baby’s movements within their earshot, they’re like moths to a flame. And it’s beautiful.

Tonight before bed, after we’d gone around sharing what we were each thankful for today, Eloise asked if she could pray. She remembered Daddy and Henry and baby and all of the usual things, but then she said this, “And for mommy’s heart and Jesus. Amen.”

I must just be in a very hormonal and weepy space, because I almost cried right there. Really? After all of the craziness of this week and my poor attitude at times? My unwillingness in moments to act with a servant heart toward my children, and the grumbly nature of things here in the little blue house? Thank you for mommy’s heart?

This is the epitome of grace as best as I can define it. And it’s also such a reminder to me of the weighty and incredible responsibility given to us as parents–that we must steward our influence over our children oh-so-carefully, and with intention as much as absolutely possible.

I ask myself how my two and a half year old can be thankful for my heart when I’ve felt so depleted of my energy and ability to express love lavishly? When I feel like I’ve been getting it all wrong?

How important and edifying it is to recognize afresh that our children’s desires are actually quite simple: quality time, basic needs met, affirmation, presence. God spoke to my heart tonight through the words of a not-yet-three year old, which is perfect when my world at present centers on motherhood and the well-being of our still-small babes here at home.

They don’t need perfect. They just need me.

They do need me to respond to their physical needs. They need to me to initiate and reciprocate loving words or hugs or snuggle time. They need me to affirm them more than I correct them, and they need to know that I am consistent, present, and a place of refuge.

Yesterday I did not feel like a place of refuge, and, as I mentioned, we all limped along.

There must have been beautiful souls praying for our little family this morning, because today’s wake up was so much different. (Thank you, by the way, whoever and wherever you are!) I sat on the couch soaking up some quiet time for reflection while the kiddos played well together, and I could breathe deeply. There was so. much. peace.

All day today, the still small voice in my head and heart reminded me to temper my words. To encourage. To wait until it was necessary to exercise correction. To be the gentler version of myself that I so often aspire to and quite frequently overstep. There were sweet spaces in the day and I felt them. I prayed that Henry and Eloise (and even baby) would feel them, too.

IMG_9708

So, tonight? Tonight when we were past bedtime by about 45 minutes and still up sorting through story time and sore ankles and missing lovies and family prayer? Tonight, God used the littlest of our household to remind me afresh that it’s my heart I have to offer above all else.

It’s the best thing I can give freely to our children–not just our two here with me now, but also the third well on his or her way. It’s the best thing I can offer Jason in this season and always, even when our focus is easily drawn toward our young family, baby preparations, life decisions, and the daily grind. And it’s the absolute thing I’m called to offer God in the daily, whether I’m rejoicing or hurting, in awe of him or in doubt.

My heart is the thing, and it always will be. Yours is, too. Just ask your favorite two year old.

grace and peace,

mm

 

by

Happy Birthday, Hank.

(Not so) Little Buddy,

You are five. A whole hand. Half a decade. Graduating preschool tonight (isn’t that fun?) and old enough to head to kindergarten. This time on your birthday, I could almost see the change overnight. Maybe you were just that close to five for so long that your big day tipped the scales, or maybe knowing that you’re five really changed some things for you, but either way, you are most definitely and officially growing up.

IMG_7993

We spent your birthday at Disney World this year–something new and wonderful for us as a family. We wanted you to feel so celebrated, and I hope you did. I will never forget Mickey Mouse singing you “Happy Birthday” or wearing our “I’m celebrating Henry!” pins all day long. We were definitely celebrating you, as  our hearts often are. It was a sweet, sweet way to welcome a big day in your life.

IMG_8912

You are changing so much, and still so many things stay the same. Your sensitivity to others moves me and makes me so proud to be your mama. Your ability to create–to navigate LEGO instructions or to build something entirely new on your own is so fun to watch. I marvel at the way your mind works…you remember so many details and facts, connecting dots I’m not sure I ever connected at your age. And you ask beautiful questions: about God, about the world, about your newest little brother or sister growing in my belly. You captivate Eloise, and I have no doubt that you will have your new sibling’s attention, too. They are both so fortunate to have you caring for and looking after them.

IMG_8543

This morning, you asked if you could go upstairs to “entertain her” as Eloise woke up for the day. Your laughter together poured down the stairs and filled me up to the brim, as it so often does. She delights in you. We all do.

I watch you in the back yard as you kick a soccer ball, navigate a water gun fight or protect your pirate ship from the swing set fort. You pull Eloise round and round in the wagon and play together so beautifully–your imaginations taking turns and running wild as you create new stories and new memories all of the time. You are adventurous, but careful. Fun-loving, and sometimes serious like me. You still love to pour over books, and sometimes now, I can convince you to read them to me instead of the other way around. You jump, speed, race, and make sounds effects everywhere. You are all boy, through and through.

IMG_8188

When we share things together now, your laugh tells me that we’re both in on the joke, if that makes sense. It’s not like I’m just trying to make you laugh and you start giggling because mom is being funny. It’s more like we’re partners in crime and we “get it” together. We’ve always been partners in crime, you and I. What that looks like is just changing.

While preschool graduation is pretty much just a fun photo op with your teachers and friends, I’m not quite ready to face the fact that you’re kindergarten bound and so independent. When you snuggle up on the couch and just need your mama, I’m much more at home 🙂 I know what to do with the little boy who still needs me. And I’m learning as fast as I can, on a curve, what to do with the big kid who needs me to step back a little and just watch him fly.

IMG_9311

You told me recently that I shouldn’t worry about you not fitting into clothes from the little kids’ section of the store. “You have another baby coming!” you assured me with confidence. While that’s true and I’m so excited to have a little baby in the house again, you will forever be my little one in my heart. As our first born, I’m just not sure that ever changes.

I’m sorry that this note comes your way almost a month after you’ve turned the page on five…life has been full and busy and good, and we’ve kind of been celebrating you in waves all month long, anyway, which seems just about right 😉

I love you a crazy ton, and I love watching you grow! Being your mama is–and will always be–one of my greatest joys.

Have so much fun being five this year, HD. There are so many wonderful days ahead and I can’t wait to share them with you! Happy, Happy Birthday!

IMG_8701

love you always and always,

your mama

by

sweet surprises.

My fingers have just been itching to get back to this keyboard. Life has been so full in these past months, and full of mostly wonderful things, but it’s just the nature of this season for me to run out of time and brainpower at the end of the day to sit down and write. As with all things we care about in life, this has been an area I’ve had to make peace with as I put it on hold. This, along with others like yoga, reading for pleasure, and cleaning the house to the fullest extent have waited patiently for me as I’ve danced along the wire, balancing new and beautiful and trading joy for joy. I don’t take this for granted, but I am so grateful that, from my vantage point today, there is so much good to juggle.

There has been plenty brewing under wraps here as spring comes around. We surprised Henry and Eloise with a trip to Disney World in April, celebrating Henry’s fifth birthday while we were away (this will earn its own post/s soon, just as quickly as I pick my favorites from the 2,500 photos we have from the week). It was the first time since I can remember that we completely unplugged and got away as a quad, which was timely and necessary and fulfilling and a ton of fun. We’ve also been whittling away at small home projects here and there in prep for warmer and fuller days ahead, and we’ve enjoyed longer visits with  family in town. We’re doing our best to rest a little more, to clear things out that we no longer need, and to be practical about what we can balance well as a family. It’s true that there’s no such thing as perfect balance, but there is definitely manageable vs. crazy, and we’re learning as we keep growing together than the former brings out the better in all of us. I love us as a team.

Coloring all of those moments and casting beautiful light on the ones ahead is my ever growing belly week by week. It’s true. After a long time of wondering what the future of our family might hold, and after countless prayers for another baby, God has graciously entrusted another little one to us to love. As I sit here, my 20 week old bump is full of life–baby’s kicks and movements dance within, bringing me great, great joy every time.

Life is full of surprises, and I’m discovering day by day that I’m still healing from past loss and battling back fear while I try to simply trust in God’s plan. This gets easier week by week, but it’s not lost on me that faith is in the things we cannot see, not the things we can tangibly hold. Each week my belly grows, this pregnancy is, more and more, something I can physically see and experience. And I know that God is calling me through this process to learn to give everything–all of it–over to Him again and again. I have to die to self every day to drown out the voices that are not His. I have to make a concerted effort to lean on the understanding that this baby is God’s and not our own–that His ways are higher than ours, and that every day there is life within me is one to treasure.

Remember the beginning of this year, when I committed to light as my word for 2016? In this pregnancy and so much else, God has been faithful to me to offer a direct path toward light and lightness and letting go. I want to be a good steward of these things, and so I pray that I will keep discovering the depth and marrow in each step of the way. I am terrible at this some days, and better at it on others. No doubt the sweet reminder of God’s goodness to us, increasing right in front of me daily in the mirror, has been a healing balm over wounds on my heart. In a way, nothing has changed–I am working to hand the unknown over to God every single day. And in a way, so much is different. I dream ahead to the day when our babies will meet our newest little love, and all of me wants to burst. It’s impossible to contain the hopeful joy that comes from that place.

There is freedom in expecting God. He is full of wonder, and His graciousness brings me to my knees.

I am so thankful to finally be able to share this joy here with you. Together, we weather the good and the bad, the hard and the beautiful. As such a big piece of me and of our lives as a family, no longer keeping news of the Baby Bean quiet feels right and good. I look forward to where this journey will take us in the days to come. And I’m so glad to be back to the keys.

grace and peace,

mm