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two year old gratitude. (68)

So often our little ones are the very best reminders of what’s important in this life. Quite plainly, I had a completely spiritual experience tonight as Henry prayed his beautifully simple prayer before bed. His words always help me to see the world through childlike eyes and with a childlike faith–something I might miss if I didn’t have him to remind me daily that loving God is really best without all of the nonsense. As an adult, I think I can have a tendency to clutter things up too much sometimes. I have no doubt that Henry’s words to God are just as pleasing as a long-winded prayer I can offer (although I trust that God hears both equally and honors our efforts to seek Him regardless). I wish there were more days when my go-to prayer sounded like this:

Thank you for today.

Thank you for Mommy, and thank you for Daddy, and thank you for Henry.

Thank you for my stuffed animals…and my bed!

Thank you for my basket and thank you for my laundry.

Thank you for my Bible and my water…and thank you for my toys that I can play with.

Thank you for Daddy’s clothes, and Mommy’s clothes, and Henry’s clothes, and the baby’s clothes.

And thank you for the baby, and Kruger.

And please keep the baby healthy and safe. And thank you for everything.

Jesus. Amen.

Amen and Amen. I couldn’t agree more. I think about the passage in scripture that talks about the birds of the air and the flowers of the field–and how if God cares enough to look after them, how much more He must care for us as His sons and daughters. He cares enough to help us know in our hearts that our clothes and beds and water and toys all come from Him. And he cares enough to nourish us with His Word, and to bless us with family and provide all that we need…and then some more.

I am beyond thankful to see God cultivating a heart of gratitude in our little boy. We pray daily that God would move in Henry’s heart, and that he would know Christ more and more–and God cares enough to answer our prayers!

Lord, please help me to have a Henry-like faith, and to see things at face value and appreciate them for exactly what they are–your provision. We are so blessed to know you, and to be able to watch our child(ren) grow in you each day. Please be at work in our precious baby’s heart as well, even now, that he or she may grow to love and serve you in each and every day.

thank you for gratitude. and for sweet reminders of what matters. love.

mm

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a little adventure. (69)

What would Father’s Day be without a little adventure? I’m not sure you can have our last name and avoid adventure, actually, and it seems to me that’s part of what drew me to the man behind the name anyway, so…I say, just embrace it when it comes! Hopefully this will bode well for me as Henry grows up, because he’s already cultivating the thrill from his dad and I’d like to stay his “cool” mom for as long as possible (within reason, of course). If this munchkin in utero happens to be a boy as well, then I’d really better buckle up–we’ll all be adventuring all the days of our lives around here if that’s the case 🙂

Tonight, after a lovely family time at the pool in fairly perfect weather, we decided on pizza and tacos at a local/staple pizzeria in town. I laugh, because we absolutely didn’t have plans to go there until about 10 minutes before arriving, and it makes total sense that we’d be dining in the restaurant in town that would fill up with smoke mid-meal. One minute we were having great conversation and enjoying our food, and the next we were grabbing cell phones and matchbox cars from the table and quickly exiting the restaurant with every other guest. At first, it seemed completely surreal that smoke was coming from every vent in the room. I looked at J, and when he quickly got up and grabbed Henry, I figured it wasn’t one of those “we’ll just wait this out to see what happens” moments anymore. I’ve been in a room filled with smoke before (my own kitchen maybe, once or twice, due to oven user error…), but I’ve never really choked on it prior to tonight. There’s a first time for everything.

We knew the place wasn’t on fire, but a belt in a fan unit atop the building had burnt up or fizzled out or…whatever it is that fan belts on restaurant roofs do when they malfunction. Within a few minutes, everyone had filed out of the building and four (FOUR!) firetrucks and a number of other emergency vehicles had surrounded the place. It seemed a little excessive, maybe, but it did make for a really great show (especially for our two year old who loves all things with wheels and lights). And we just so happened to have his fireman hat in the car, so…even better. With one entrance/exit to the parking lot and the town’s largest hook and ladder blocking the way out, we figured we may as well make the most of our staying put and catch all of the action. And after a while, we moseyed over to our favorite (and conveniently close) ice cream spot to kill more time and fill up on the dinner we’d missed eating at the restaurant. Bummer 😉

firetrucks are on the scene...

firetrucks were on the scene…

fireman henry is on the scene.

…and so was fireman henry.

hanging on to dad while hanging out with the entirety of our fire department.

hanging on to dad while hanging out with the entirety of our fire department.

fire truck heaven for our Bug.

fire truck heaven for our Bug.

and the captain (and a little ice cream) saves the day!

and the captain (plus a little ice cream) saves the day!

Probably thirty volunteer fire fighters, all of those trucks, a bump for H (he slipped off the curb while taking it all in), a Jr. police badge, a few ice cream cones, an hour and a half, and (if you can call it that) a free dinner later, the crews all moved on and we made our way home to put H to bed. Hank’s retelling of the story to the dog was pretty cute, but mostly, I just love that we were all together and making the best of things at the tail end of this particular Father’s Day (and weekend time, of course). Undoubtedly, we’ll welcome the new babe into the vigilante fold without haste come late summer, but I’m still relishing these times we have as “three plus a bump.” We’re a magical trio, if I’m entitled to say so. My boys make my heart so warm when they’re adventuring together. On nights like tonight, I have the very best seat in the house!

my fave image from the evening. LOVE our shadows and the bump in tow.

my fave image from the evening. LOVE our shadows and the bump in tow as we stand by and watch all of the action. totally a coincidence that we got this one.

thirty weeks and my first smoke out down. ten-ish (and preferably no further smoke outs) to go.

mm

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this weekend we’re… (70)

…celebrating this dude and the fact that he’s the man of the house. Hank’s daddy. His buddy. And as Henry put it tonight, “my friend.” How true it is. These two are best buds, and I adore that.

j and henry enjoyed a car show and classic cruise together last weekend. h is still talking about it daily :)

j and henry enjoyed a car show and classic cruise together last weekend. h is still talking about it daily 🙂

Hard to believe that in just a few months, J will be toting around TWO munchkins. But he’ll be awesome at it. We know this from experience–just ask Little Man. Daddy is his partner in crime. His matchbox car-playing, LEGO-building, adventure-seeking, walk-taking, slide-testing, swing-pushing, emergency vehicle-tracking, make you laugh so hard you cry-tickling, fro-yo creation-crafting, beach-combing, car carrier truck-drawing, get you all clean in the tub-washing, time for a bedtime story-reading, make you feel like you could do-anything DAD. Boy, is he lucky!

It’s no wonder H looks forward to weekend time so much, or that he asks for daddy first thing in the morning when he wakes up. I’m so thankful for J’s dedication to fatherhood, and for his seeking every opportunity to build into Henry’s life. He is truly invested in H’s well being, his learning, his growth, and his little heart moving towards God and knowing Him better. At mealtimes and bedtime, Henry always says, “Daddy pray.” I love this, because I know it makes a huge impact on our sweet boy and the direction his life is taking.

These days, J is playing double duty as I slow down a bit and get closer to the end of this pregnancy. And pretty soon, he’ll be on deck as we usher baby #2 into the world. Those hours of labor and delivery when H was born were some of my favorites ever with JMK, and I love thinking about getting to do it again. Our time in the hospital as a trio was sweet and sacred, and now there will be more love to share as Henry joins the mix after baby is born. We make a great team.

So, here’s to Henry’s dad (and the Button’s, of course), and to all of the time spent pouring into our little kiddo who admires his daddy like crazy. Happy Father’s Day, J! And Happy Father’s Day to our dads and Henry’s awesome grandpa’s, too! I’m so, so thankful for the strong men in Henry’s life who will teach him all about the world and the most important things in it as he grows!

grateful for the reason to celebrate,

mm

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visualizations and staying positive. (71)

Last night, when I was nearly doubled over in pain and fighting back tears, my resolve was admittedly a little shaken as I considered the calendar. “Ten weeks to  go,” I thought. “How on earth am I going to do this for ten more weeks?” We were downtown as a family–J, H, my mom, myself and the Button, enjoying the perfect summer weather and our local street performer series, when it really kicked in. I asked J if we could go upstairs to his office for a few minutes, and our evening ended too soon as I quickly realized things were not going to improve enough for me to make the trek back to the car.

I am not good at being down for the count.

I guess I don’t know who is, really, but I know for certain that I’m not programmed to sit things out or take a break very well. It seems this pregnancy may dictate otherwise. I’m not ready to put the next 2.5 months in a box and say that this is the trajectory of the next ten (or so) weeks. I just can’t do it. Not for my mental and emotional state, not for the fact that it’s my favorite time of year and there’s so much I want to do, not for the list of things I’m still planning to accomplish before we meet this sweet baby who is growing stronger every day. And so, I’m deferring to some of the most valuable things I’ve learned as a doula–and also to the coping skills I gained in classes as we prepped for Henry’s arrival two-ish years ago. The same tools that got me through H’s delivery unmedicated are going to have come out of the reserves now. I’m gathering my arsenal.

The thing is, I love pregnancy. I love so many things about it–not the least of which is the fact that I believe it’s a sheer miracle…the way my body can be the vessel with which God chooses to grow a human. I am in awe of all of it, and if you asked my husband, he’d tell you just how often I point out something small and somewhat benign about this baby-growing phase and say, “Isn’t that amazing!?…Isn’t that awesome?!” I probably could solicit an eye roll here or there with all of my expectant interjections, but the fact of the matter is, I’m just so happy to be celebrating a baby on the way! This is why the crazy pain I’ve had these past few nights is so challenging to me. I feel like I have to have my A-game on to battle this…to not get defeated…to stay positive and encouraged and uplifted in this stretching season.

I ended up calling the dr today and they asked me to come in for an impromptu appointment. The suggestion is my gall bladder at this point, but we’ll know more in a few days after an ultrasound. Baby sounds AOK, and judging by the movement in my belly at all hours, is quite happily tucked away without knowledge of whatever is going on. If it is my gall bladder, we’re most likely just going to have to hang in there, so I’m focused on thinking the best and staying hopeful that my discomfort won’t linger long or be constant.

My labor with Henry taught me a lot about staying strong and believing in my own capacity to withstand the process of giving birth. Not only that, but it has been an invaluable reminder over and over again that God provides what we need in the moment we need it, and that He created our bodies to do amazing and unbelievably strong things. I won’t start doubting myself now. I can’t. I’m going into this next delivery with a purposeful resolve, and although I know we can’t control how birth goes altogether, I’m leaning heavily on the knowledge that my mindset, attitude, and faith will all come heavily into play in that room on that beautiful day. Even now, as I approach these more challenging moments with slight concern or reservation, I’m battling back with prayer and affirmations and relaxation techniques to pull through. This is absolutely not a sprint. It’s a marathon. I’d never want to run one without training first.

I share all of this for a few reasons, the first being that I want this little baby to someday know that it’s ok when things are hard. It’s ok to take a moment (or moments:) to cry and question and wonder about what’s next. But it’s also important to trust that God has us and sees us and can carry our yoke. The second reason I share this is because I think it’s important to strike a balance between being positive and being real–and I think there’s room for both. I feel positive about this pregnancy on a daily basis. I never wish I wasn’t pregnant instead. I just need to say that it’s hard sometimes. And the truth is, pregnancy is hard for everyone at some point in the process. You can be glowing and pulled together and breezy for 39.5 weeks, but there will still be some point in time when the process is hard. And well it should be. Growing an entire, perfectly formed little being from nothing is no job for the faint of heart. God uses us to do His will in bringing new life into the world, but He warns us that it will come with its own set of challenges and pain. I think it’s all part of the process of grace, really. Sharpening us to extend grace to ourselves, to our developing babies, to those closest to us and to the world around us, in a season when it would be easy to make room for a lot of excuses and negativity if we really wanted to. And of course, encouraging us to bend to our knees and ask our God for His grace in getting us through. He is the best birthing coach around, and He knows the drill. He created the process, for goodness sake. He can certainly fill in the gaps.

Someday soon this baby will be here, and so much of this journey will seem trivial and trite as it fades to the background. Until then, it is a molding and shaping and growing time of life for us as a family, and I’m so thankful for that! I’ll be here visualizing the best possible outcome and staying hopeful for the next ten (nine? 😉 weeks. And I’ll be praying a lot! Couldn’t do this otherwise.

keeping my chin up, and leaning on God.

mm

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ladies who lunch. (72)

Tonight has not been the easiest in the pregnancy department, but the contents of my afternoon were absolutely lovely. Parking on that this evening, and a delightful interaction between a beautiful group of women and absolutely delicious food in a picturesque setting…as is often the case, I’m left thinking, “I should have taken more pictures.” Fortunately, the group I was with captured every moment, and there will be hundreds of incredible shots from our gathering. Here’s a few little snippets:

greeted by this beautiful summer table on the porch at today's lunch gathering.

greeted by this beautiful summer dessert table on the porch at today’s cooking class and lunch shindig.

and then there was this glorious setting...

and then there was this glorious setting…

my favorite from the day...the wild rice salad.

my favorite recipe from the day…the wild rice salad.

copper river salmon, blanched snow peas, candied beet salad, kale saute, and wild rice salad. seconds, anyone?

copper river salmon, blanched snow peas, candied beet salad, kale saute, and wild rice salad. seconds, anyone?

chocolate macaroons and fresh berries for dessert. oh, my.

chocolate macaroons and fresh berries for dessert. oh, my.

so thankful for the beauty in the day. and for family who will fill in the gaps when exhaustion and discomfort get the best of me at the end of it. here’s to friday and weekend time!

mm