MollyMadonna.com

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mama offering. (90)

Well, “weekend time” continues, and I couldn’t be more grateful for an extra day home as a family. Weekends never feel quite long enough, and tomorrow will be a beautiful bonus! We attended an absolutely lovely wedding tonight, and while the party is still going strong as I type, we had to get the munchkin home to bed. He cried and put on his best pouty lip as we left the party, lamenting, “I don’t want to leave the wedding!” I didn’t either…it was a grand celebration! More on the delightful details tomorrow…

Tonight, as I come to terms again with my limitations as a mama with a growing belly (gardening yesterday, dancing while holding H tonight, and in general, trying to keep up with the active demands of a toddler), I just want to focus on the beauty of this season. I do feel more limited, certainly, and I hate telling Henry no sometimes now when he wants me to pick him up, but I am also so taken by the gift of being pregnant, and I desperately desire to glorify God in all of my efforts to carry and love this blooming baby. These days, I have so many incredible mama friends who are raising toddlers and toting newborns, or who are raising toddlers and growing soon-t0-be newborns. It’s an awe-inspiring stage of life. And at times it’s overwhelming, too (although mostly in a good way :). So I’m feeling compelled to offer up a prayer. For all of the mamas who are coming to terms with their own motherhood tonight–in whatever way it applies. Some will be up in the wee hours nursing or cuddling a newborn. Others will be tossing and turning while they navigate growing bellies and changing bodies. Some will be wishing they could hold babies closer while their little ones are far away tonight, and still some will be praying for a baby of their own and clinging to hope for the future. Whatever the case may be, I know that God sees each one of us, and He hears our requests. He plans out His timing and knows what we can handle and all that we need. And he meets us right where we are. His promises are full and generous to our mama hearts…

Father, thank you for another day where you have sustained me and allowed me the gift of carrying this precious life within. Thank you for the blessing of sweet (although often painful:) kicks and constant movement. Thank you that you have created my body to be capable of this amazing miracle!

Thank you, too, God, for using my past experience and my great, deep desire and pain to remind me why this is a most sacred season. Thank you for never letting our hurts go to waste, and for covering me in your love and peace. Your timing is perfect, God, and you knew that I would be carrying this wee one today–in this time and place, for your plans to be fulfilled for this blessing of a baby when he or she is born. Please help me to follow your lead, God, and together as a family, please help us to raise this life to know and love and serve you.

As the day winds down, Father, there are physical reminders of why I can’t do this without your help. Things ache and stretch and require more energy, and I don’t have all of the answers for how to do this on my own. Henry is a busy little person–but you knew that he would be when you entrusted him to us. If I am going to keep up and be engaged and love him in the ways he so desires to be loved right now, I know I need to lean on you for help. Please show me how to love him best, and please help me to fully embrace even the hard parts of carrying this baby as the months roll on. Please give me a spirit of grace and joy and patience toward my children, my family. I can’t do it alone, but I can with You.

Father, as mamas, we all deal with things in the day to day that make our hearts heavy or tired. Sometimes the weight of our burdens is light, but sometimes it can be so very heavy. No matter the weight tonight, would you please guide me–and all of the amazing mamas in my life–to your peace, regardless of the circumstance. Would you wrap your arms especially tightly around those we know who are experiencing deep pain and loss? Will you meet them where they are and display your presence in unmistakable ways?

God, I love you, and I’m so incredibly grateful that you have entrusted little, impressionable lives to my care. Being a mama is the most humbling and amazing gift, and I can’t believe how much more I’ve learned about you as I’ve tried to be attentive to this call on my life. I pray that I will glorify you in the process. Thank you for loving me enough to trust me with your creation.

more of you, and less of me…especially when there’s increasingly more of me these days, and i need so much to trust in your presence and care. love,

mm

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weekend time! (92)

We have this little routine in our house that I absolutely adore. When Thursday night rolls around, we tell Henry that after J gets home from work on Friday it will be…you guessed it: “Weekend Time!!!” I wish you could hear the intonation and exuberance with which Henry repeats this phrase. His face gets all excited, eyebrows lifted and eyes as wide as can be, and then he says, “Weekend Time!” seemingly as one word, and with as much gusto as he can muster. It’s a favorite Henry-ism, for sure. I love these shenanigans because they’re so “us.” We’re all looking forward to the weekend ahead–to family time and a trip to the coffee shop, to the Farmer’s Market and church and time outside together. At this time of year, weekend time is enhanced by beach visits, ice cream, long walks, trips to the park, and plenty of work in the yard. There’s much to celebrate, even if we don’t have big plans. In fact, I think we like the unplanned weekends best of all–they leave room for extra playtime and naps and dinners out on the grill. They’re sometimes the reason we all hang in there the rest of the week 🙂

On the front end of the weekend, I usually like to try to get things in order as much as possible–shopping done, errands run, things around the house picked up, vacuumed, etc. to a good degree. Today was not entirely one of those days, although I had every intention of making it so. As I headed into the kitchen to make breakfast this morning, H bounced around the house with a giant ball…chasing it, kicking it, and torturing the dog with it as always. In a split second, he was diving after the runaway ball and I was watching his head make contact with the very solid kitchen doorframe. I lunged to grab him, but it was just too late. The tears were immediate, as was the black and blue spot–a terrible looking, swelling nugget taking shape on impact. I’m hard pressed to convince our active kiddo to use ice in almost any instance, but there was no way this big bad bump was escaping the relief of a cold pack today. So it was time to get creative. Enter: special breakfast. Cinnamon sugar toast and a sliced banana, served up on the couch with snuggles and a side of Handy Manny’s Big Construction Job on DVD. That, and a persistent ice pack. Thirty minutes in, we were good as new, with a bonus bump and bruise that will probably linger for a few days just for kicks.

"special breakfast," handy manny, and an ice pack. win.

“special breakfast,” handy manny, and an ice pack. win.

I won’t regale all of the details of the rest of our day, but highlights (and a lowlight or two) would include a $6 John Deere ride-on toy tractor at a killer garage sale, a FREE construction hard hat and Lowly Worm apple car for Henry (ten points for the “free” box today), traipsing around town, and H getting his arm stuck (and I mean, really stuck) between the bars of the seat in the cart at Target, replete with screaming in the checkout lane and yours truly frantically trying to free said appendage while paying for our things and hurrying out of the store with an inconsolable boy. Whew! Then lunch and a fairly routine afternoon, followed by a field trip to the most gigantic greenhouse I’ve ever laid eyes on. I thought we had entered greenhouse heaven. I mean, how many nurseries have a kettle corn stand and a junk wagon, a play area for kids, and more space than we could wander in an hour and a half? It goes without saying that we’ll be spending a good portion of the weekend out of doors, planting and sprucing up and officially welcoming the Spring season. Hello, Memorial Day Weekend!

this place goes on forever!

this place goes on forever!

All in all, I’ll give this particular Friday and 80% on the scale. I’m docking it 20% for all of the injuries our smallish person incurred throughout the course of the day. If I listed all of the falls and bumps here in one post, I’d have a few more paragraphs to go. Let’s just say I was very happy to tuck the munchkin safely into bed–surrounded by very soft things, a little while ago. Here’s to a day with more balance (and I do mean actual, physical balance;) in it tomorrow!

Ultimately, I think we made the best we could of the day, and we certainly prepped ourselves for a colorful and green thumb-ish kind of long weekend. The very best kind at the end of May, if you ask me.

look mom, a geranium!

look mom, a geranium!

my favorite little flower, with a flower ;)

a flower for my favorite little flower 😉

excited to get my hands dirty tomorrow! planters and window boxes and yard, here we come!

mm

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conversations with h. (93)

Soooo…the latest in our house is that Henry likes to make sure he’s keeping up with our conversations. If he’s in the room, and he’s not already part of the dialogue that’s taking place, we hear a carefully plotted out, “Soooo…..” from his corner of the world. Sometimes he precedes his “Soooo…” with a “Let’s talk!” or an “I want to talk with _________.” And then our conversations range in topic from there. Yesterday, we had a chat about the color of every piece of furniture in the room. The other night on a walk with daddy, the conversation was more about playing with cars and seeing a bug. The train of thought is random and on the spot, which makes it pretty hilarious. And it’s endearing that H wants in on all of our little chats.

While we’re getting a good laugh and appreciating this new (cute) stage of social development, we’re also trying to figure out when to catch up on things and get a word in edgewise with one another. With H’s recent fear of trains and the late nights we’ve all been pulling as a result, there’s not an abundance of time at the end of the day for adult conversation. Often, calendar comparisons, weekend plans, and the nitty gritty details of life are getting sorted out past midnight. I’m not sure either one of us is on our game in the wee hours, so this has made for an interesting dance as young parents as of late.

Tonight, I’m so grateful for J’s resilience with H in this very conversational and sometimes exhausting phase. We both worked today, and I’ve been having some pretty intense discomfort with baby #2, so I just didn’t have anything in me when bath and bedtime rolled around. We did all cozy up on our bed for story and prayer time, but otherwise, J took the reins and sent me upstairs to rest. For the first time all day, I wasn’t miserable in my skin, and it was doubly sweet to listen to the boys interact and laugh and wind down the evening together sans mommy. I love our bedtime routine and that sacred family time together every night, but I just didn’t have a bit of conversation or toddler wrangling left to give.

The munchkin has been in bed for a while now–post-snuggle with daddy, a lot of laughter, and a good amount of chatter about going to bed, H’s fear of trains, and plans for “weekend time!!!” It is so beautiful to me to watch H adore his daddy. Their growing friendship and relationship as father and son is a blessing to my heart. Sometimes I have to just sit back and observe from a distance to really see the magic (it’s so easy to be hands on and to want to be involved in every moment). Otherwise, on nights like tonight, I would miss the chance to see my little one pull his face close to daddy’s, I would never get to appreciate the team work and creativity that’s gone into hours of LEGO play, I wouldn’t know firsthand how to really play cars and do it well. And I would certainly miss out on hearing about the amazing adventures my boys dream up–trips out to the lighthouse, crazy fro-yo creations on a Tuesday night, and “Sooo….we went outside for a walk, and we saw an ant…and then…” And then.

toddler stories (and the really amazing dads who help create them) are quite possibly the best. at least, i’m inclined to think “sooo…”

mm

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and away we grow! (96)

Everywhere I look, growth feels apparent and abundant these days. The trees and plants are all proclaiming Spring, the grass is rising at a marvelous rate, Henry is an increasingly chatty and independent little person, and my belly is expanding by the week. Nothing around me seems to be slowing down, and I can’t say I mind. I love change and progress, even in the midst of doing my best to embrace the here and now.

Today we moseyed with a dear friend downtown, enjoyed iced coffee, browsed inspiring racks of vintage clothing, and tried out toys at our favorite shop for kiddos. Henry was in and out (and in and out, and in and out) of the stroller, testing out so much of what the day had to offer on his own terms. We recognized cars and trucks, celebrated every MINI Cooper and VW Beetle that went by, said hello to the “whoa-ter home” twice as we passed it on both sides of the street. (H doesn’t have his own baby version of words much these days, but “whoa-ter home” is one I’d love to hang on to:) And we ran through the grass, crossed the street carefully, and shared our weekly bagel “and maybe some dip!” for a snack. Life is moving right along–but at a lovely pace as the seasons change. And I am soaking up as much time with the Bug as possible, even as we celebrate and anticipate the arrival of the Button together every day. H’s awareness of his little brother or sister fills me to the brim with joy. There is no doubt the Lord is preparing his heart for a sibling as baby gets closer and closer.

Tonight, we ordered pizza and took a family walk to the park before making a special “late night” trip to the train station to watch the commuter train roll in. The park was nearly empty as we went from swing to slide to teeter totter and back again–just the three of us embracing 80+ degree temps and a settling down sun in the distance. And our adventure to the train station may have proved fruitful…H went to sleep a little more peacefully, despite needing mama in the rocker nearby. I think we’re making baby steps in the right direction as we navigate life together in this two year old state. In the meantime, we’re soaking up our days where we can and taking a moment here or there to appreciate the growth all around us.

taking time out on a park bench for a family photo op!

taking time out on a park bench for a family photo op!

26wkbelly

26 weeks…and growing!

so blessed and thankful tonight for a beautiful monday. here’s to the week that follows!

mm

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i think i can, i think i can. (97)

Parenthood is amazing. I’ll start there. You go to bed one night as round and filled up with life as you can possibly imagine, and the next day, you give birth to an entire human being. And the process only takes nine-ish months. From something invisible to the naked eye to a miniature, life-filled, totally dependent and perfectly yours little babe in less than one year. Boom. Welcome to the world of parenthood.

At first, everything is new and unfamiliar–beautiful and groggy and kind of sleepy-ish as you muddle through late night wake ups and practically ’round the clock feedings. And despite the lack of sleep and sensibility in this new season, there is absolutely nothing else like snuggling the tiny person you helped to create…the one who has your nose or chin–who wrinkles up his or her forehead “just like daddy” and giggles “just like mommy” as the weeks and months go on. Life stays miraculous at three months, six months, nine, a year. And it keeps on going, straight into the world of toddling and teething, walking, running, talking, discovering. When you’re parenting for the first time, every first for them is a first for you, too. And sometimes the firsts are crazy-wonderful, and sometimes they’re hard as can be. You find yourself trouble-shooting often, praying constantly, and in moments, holding your head in your hands as you try to muster up the energy and patience and love to do this parenting thing all over again in T-minus 10 hours (or however long your little one sleeps). And you can do it, sure, and you won’t run out of the ability to try again, but man is it hard some days. In our case as of late, man is it hard most nights.

At two years old, our munchkin is facing a nightly fear of trains. During the day, he loves them, but at night, he is terrified. We don’t live on top of train tracks or anything, but even a mile or two away, a train sounds louder than life to us when the little one is trying to fall asleep. He talks about trains. He shares his fear openly and unabashedly, which I admire and appreciate. But try as we might, no amount of praying, reasoning, encouraging, or creativity has cracked the code on our train dilemma, and to be honest, this mom and dad are tired. The fear of trains welling up in the evenings means super late nights and often an extra hour or more of awake time for our little one at the end of the day. Just when we’re ready to wind down and relax for a bit, or to take care of the last few items on the to do list, a train goes by. The hysterics begin. Our “parenthood” comes alive–real, tangible, exhausting, at the end of already long days. We look at each other with a sense of weary understanding, gathering ourselves up on the same team to combat the big, bad train issue. And we take turns heading upstairs to our panicky boy.

Parenthood is incredible, but it is most certainly not easy. We know that we could be dealing with a world of much greater turmoil and strife as parents–and we’re so thankful that’s not the case. But this is a rough season in its own right. Dad has often worked a long day. Mom is 26 weeks pregnant and growing. It’s 85 outside, and everyone is just plain hot and tired by the end of it all. Not to mention our sweet little man…worried and unable to separate fear from reality at this young age, he falls asleep at night only when mom or dad is there to calm and convince and protect. We’ll get through it I’m sure. But in the meantime, I’m adopting the familiar mantra from The Little Engine that Could: I think I can, I think I can, I think I can. We all can. Somehow God equips in the moment, and not a minute before in this case. And He fills up my tank afresh in the morning to look parenthood straight in the eyes another day. Praying for a fresh anointing of peace (and rest!) for all in this house as we weather the latest adventure.

puff, puff, puff. chug, chug, chug. thanks for the inspiration, little blue!

mm